DH controls TV remote and watches footie if it's on

[ThatCoolDenimSquid]

I don't like watching football - men or women's football. Never have. I have watched world cup games for "my" national team. But in general, I get wound up by the constant noise, blokey chanting, fuss made over something so trivial.
My DH of 38yrs knows this.
AIBU to get frustrated when we're sat down in the lounge together to watch TV he still chooses to flick thru channels only to land surprisingly on a footie match. If I mention (yet again) that I don't like watching football he's says "what do you want to watch instead?" Sounds very reasonable doesn't it? So why does it wind me up?? There aren't any programs that I watch regularly apart from a couple of quiz shows. I'd be happy to switch the TV off. The type of programs I do like are Drama, Detective, Movies, some comedy.
My main complaint is that if I had control of the remote I would choose a program we would both enjoy. I couldn't sit thru a whole program of my choosing all the while knowing he wasn't enjoying it. It's not a big issue lol but AIBU ??

He is deliberately putting himself first and downplaying your preferences. I'm actually surprised you are with this guy. He is always going to put football before you. Can you put up with this for the next 30 years?

So if you don't want to have the football on and don't want to watch anything else, you could say that you'd rather talk, read a book or let him watch what he wants. Is there any reason you can't ask him to give the remote to you?

I would have a tv in another room.

When he says what do you want on instead, say I'll have a look through and take the remote from him! You will then have control of the remote

What do you want to watch instead isn't really meant I think.
I get the feeling if op chose something else he would grumph through it so she folded instead when football was on.

My EXdh was exactly the same, especially during golfing season. It would be on all day and it was so unfair.

so I cancelled sky sports. Served him right

What would happen if you chose something else to watch @ThatCoolDenimSquid

You have to assert yourself because he isn’t going to be considerate. You’re going to have to make him.
Have an every other night agreement. Or a ‘you watch what you want in the afternoon, I’ll pick decide in the evenings.’

Once I pushed back, DH realised a night with the tv off wasn’t that bad, and began to realise how
much he’d dominated everything.

I hate football and won't even watch world cup etc. I have no interest and hate the primitiveness of it, the chanting, the loudness etc.

That's why we have 2 televisions in 2 different rooms.

Well not just different rooms, DH watches sports in the summerhouse.

Works great for us 😀

YABU.
If you were saying "We only have one TV and I am 'not allowed' to watch anything I want" you'd have a point, but I'm reading that you aren't actually wanting to watch much, just both sit there with some sort of compromise programme that neither of you want to watch particularly.
Plenty of couples have different things they want to watch.
When dh wants to watch something I don't like, I go and do something else. Same when I want to watch something that doesn't interest him. It's not difficult.

We've always had 2 TVs... one of the essential ingredients for a happy marriage. 😊My wife liked to watch dramas, I prefer movies, and occasionally sports.

Total non issue. Away and watch something else.

We watch stuff together, evening TV time is our 'doing something together' after work/day is done time...

So we tend to plan what we want to watch in general and then decide exactly on the night (currently Black Mirror and whatever policey/who dunnit/murdery type thing we've not yet seen).

There WOULD be some drama if one of us watched an episode without the other.

I also watch Corrie and Casualty - himself hates Corrie so will usually go and do some of his boring jobs or muck about with trains/computer etc during that, and sometimes during Casualty unless he's let himself get sucked into an ongoing storyline.

I haaaaaaate wrestling, which he loves, so he tends to watch that whilst cooking or fiddling with model trains.

I also really don't like motor-racing but he tends to watch that when I am busy doing something else or in another room if the constant NYYYOWWWWWW VROOOOOOOOOOm is getting on my tits.

Neither of us would just switch on something we know the other really doesn't like and expect them to watch it though. Thats inconsiderate at best.

Why does he always have the remote?

As someone whose husband left me a year ago, and my entire life is now upside down.. get over it. Let this not be the hill you die on.

How has this been workable for the previous 38 yrs?

DH and I went through a good long time where we chose things to watch together. It's a nice way to be together as a couple.

After DDs came along, things changed and we didn't watch telly together for a while. Then I suggested a series and he vehemently objected! We never really found a way back to watching telly together ... He sat on his own and watched the programmes he liked ...
Probably best to have a convo with your DH about what you can watch together for the health of your relationship ... but, like my DH, he might not realise what a foundation stone this is ...

My DP also uses the ploy of asking, “What do you want to watch instead?” It entirely misses the point as the point is that you want equality, not that you want a specific thing in any given moment.
He knows you won’t always know exactly what you want to see in that moment , so can can capitalise on your uncertainty and can therefore carry on being the King of the remote.
It’s mean, selfish and controlling and he’s probably like this in other areas of his life, I expect.

What kind of mad mind games are these?

If you have nothing in mind to watch then why can’t your other half watch what he wants?

This reminds me of women who are incapable of choosing where they want to eat out, so they leave it to their husband to decide and then they’re disappointed with his choice. Choose something to watch together, or watch separate interests on separate TVs sometimes.

It actually boggles my mind that there are people who find this hard to navigate.

I did mention in my original post that it's not a BIG issue lol

Crikey! Another 30 years lol 😂
Seriously tho it is just the TV issue 😊

Yep 😊 sometimes I listen to an audiobook on earphones so we're at least in the same room 😀

I just don't know how he manages it 😂
Probably because i don't immediately think about putting the TV on when I go in the lounge 😊 I like to look out the window (we have an amazing view 💓) and then ! bang! there's chanting and over excited commentators everywhere 😂