To hope my LDR boyfriend would shoulder more visits/costs just now?

[BrookePDavis]

I lost my job a month ago. Been applying for lots, had 2 interviews, and 1 other I'm waiting to hear back from. It's all consuming. I also signed on for Job Seekers and need to go to the local office every two weeks for an appointment.

Been together 2 years, we're 3 hours apart in distance. At first, we alternated months to visit. Then it became one sided with me doing more visits. I raised this last November, and since then he has done all visits to me. I travelled to him this month, and he acknowledged my ticket was expensive. He covered all the cooking/grocery expenses/pub trips and I bought him a lunch.

Before I left he hinted that he'd like me to come back again next month - and it's a cost I just can't justify now. I spoke to my friend about this and she said she really thinks he should be shouldering the effort and cost right now. I want to approach this with him. AIBU?

I should also mention I am looking for jobs both in my city and his city.

He either covers all your costs while you're there while you pay for your own ticket or he comes to you. You could also divide all the costs equally.

I don't think he should pay for everything. That's also not fair.

Whilst money is tight, I'm not really sure it is fair to say he needs to make all the effort too. He may feel that if you aren't working, you have more time in the week than him, and so have more flexibility to come at the weekend or even stay a bit longer.

How did the cost of your ticket compare to the going out costs? Could you share the cost of the ticket and do cheaper things when you are there?

@AgnesX yeah, I don't think he should pay for everything either. But the train tickets are particularly expensive so it's a source of stress for me.

@BendingSpoons I'd say that my tickets came to about 80 quid. I can probably reduce that a bit as long as plan ahead in advance. I paid 25 for a lunch too, so more than 100.

He spent roughly 120-150 and that was including not going to a restaurant (although we did have a fish supper!). We mostly went on walks, watched films, and enjoyed the sunshine in the garden.

Of course it's true I have more time to visit. Usually he comes for a weekend or long weekend, then it's back to work. I stayed for a week lately.

But my money situation is what it is.

@BrookePDavis Might the bus be cheaper?

@AgnesX That cost was actually getting the bus one way, and the train back.

The bus journey was longer by 1.5 hours and cramped. But I might need to suck it up for a while. The train is at least comfortable and enjoyable.