You don’t do life admin when out for lunch with family

[Itisanditisnt]

Recently visited brother in his home town. Went out for lunch with him and his partner and he seemed to think that it was an opportune time to discuss pet sitting arrangements with partner and text a pet sitter. They’d had time earlier in the day and lunch wasn’t going to be a long dragged out affair. It wasn’t time critical.
relations are delicate at the best of times with him. It wasn’t a quick discussion with his partner.

Your brother had his face in his phone when he was out to lunch with you?

If they had a long conversation excluding you then they were rude. I don't think it matters what the conversation involved. If they'd had a quick chat where they asked each other about the pet sitter and one of them texted, I don't see the issue.

It wasn’t a quick conversation. There was back and forth, then a text to father of potential sitter, then a text to pet sitter, then a discussion on their reply and another text.
his partner was a bit apologetic, he didn’t register the rudeness

Blimey, what are acceptable talking points when you’re a visitor?

Sometimes - especially for women - things pop up in your head that need sorting sooner rather than later.

Id NEVER think that just because i was a visitor to someone they’d have to only talk about meeeeee. Is there a backstory where you generally don’t like your SIL?

My dad does things like this. He’ll come to visit us for an hour then spend 20 mins researching holidays on his phone, or looking at a new gazebo for his garden or something. I find it completely baffling.

I think the OP is complaining mainly about her brother, not her SIL.

It was rude.

Sounds like they were avoiding something, was a difficult topic discussed before this happened? Or do you think they were avoiding bringing up a topic that they knew needed addressing?

Really rude.
He sounds thick.

I would say that whenever you’ve arranged to go for a meal with a small group (4 people in this case), it’s rude for 2 of those people to have a conversation that doesn’t include the others, whatever it’s about.

relations are delicate at the best of times with him

That ^ is the crux of it.
When you don't like someone, and action that wouldn't bother you the slightest if someone else did it, really winds you up.

It is rude, as they did not need to do that at that exact moment, they could have done it later. They were basically ignoring you while they did it, which is rude.

V rude. If you're out for a meal your focus should surely be on the f&f sitting in front of you rather than being on your phone (unless there's a crisis unfolding!) It gives the impression you're not valued enough by them for them to be present with you.
Even kids learn no phones at the table!