To ask if I might be autistic?

[Escapefromporpoisespit]

Menopausal woman here. Have a good group of friends. On the face of it, successful in work.

however, I’ve never really felt like I’ve fitted in…I’ve struggled to connect with people in the way others do.

for example, in situations like courses or team building events, I see that people often connect with each other in a way that I don’t.

I’m a sociable person and get on with lots of people on a one to one basis. I’m not shy, but I find I struggle to know how to interact in group situations.

I’ve always been like this. I always feel like I just don’t get it.

I’ve had a few instances where people have looked at me strangely because of something I’ve said or how I’ve reacted, but I have zero idea why they react in that way. I’ve had two or three instances ( over 20 years so not frequent) where I seem to have actively repelled someone. Like they’ve actively tried to avoid me. I’ve had no idea why. I find it weird because I’ve almost never had that reaction to someone unless they are completely bonkers or unpleasant. The fact I’m well liked by colleagues makes it weirder as I’d say I was easy going and sociable. ( and that has been consistent feedback from line managers throughout my career)

I’ve had a couple of people ask me what I think have been quite loaded questions, like they’ve been trying to work me out. Recently, a coach asked me if I was introverted ( like she was trying to work out what was ‘off’ about me.)

I almost certainly have ADHD, but now wondering whether autism is also an issue for me? Have an autistic child. One autistic parent and other parent possible ND, so it’s in the family.

AIBU to jump to autism ? Or is this just what normal people feel like all the time?

How are you when plans change last minute?

This doesn’t bother me for some things, but does with others.

Which makes me think it’s definitely not autism, but then I’m pretty sure I have ADHD so I rarely make plans!

Your description sounds like me, but I always put it down to introversion. As I'm getting older, I'm wondering more if I could be. Close colleagues have always really liked me, and many of my friends are former colleagues. But it can take me a while to be comfortable enough to be myself around people, and people can find it hard to get to know me if I don't immediately click with them. I suffer really badly with overthinking, and worry if I'm saying or doing something stupid. I've always felt like a bit of a square peg. My dd is autistic.

Tbh I'm of the age now where it makes very little difference. I know enough about neurodivergence (from my dc) that regardless of whether or not I am autistic, I'm now really open and honest with colleagues about the areas in which I might come across a bit quirky. Only yesterday I was explaining to someone that my verbal processing speed is quite slow, so I often need to write notes and read them back for information to sink in properly and understand something. I'm terrible if someone fires a quick question at me - like a rabbit in the headlights. I'm much better at asking people to give me a little more time to reflect before responding. Generally, I'm more accepting of these things in myself now, and much better at pushing myself out of my comfort zone, trying new experiences etc.

That’s really interesting. I guess one of the benefits of having a ND diagnosis is that you have a bit more insight into your behaviours and why. But regardless of whether you are ND or NT you already have a lot. That’s what we all need, NT or ND.

It’s possible to have autism AND ADHD (and to be frank lots of other neurodiversities such as dyslexia/dyspraxia/ OCD which overlap at the same time. Do you have other possible indicators such as sensory differences/responses to particular foods, textures, noises/do you find that you copy or learn what others do in order to ‘fit in,’ or mask, inadvertently say things which might cause offence/find small talk tricky.

As a previous poster has said, autism can run in the family and have a genetic component. When our son was diagnosed the psychologists said that there was a 20% chance that further children would have the condition. (His cousin is non-verbal autistic and three nephews have now been diagnosed).

This is me down to a T.

I don’t think a late diagnosis would help me either.

Peri-menopause has heightened a lot of my traits too. I prefer wfh and can’t stand office chitchat.