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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Holiday with teen

14 replies

Nopeeking · 25/04/2025 17:28

My DH booked a week away after our teen dd has finished her GCSEs. We checked the date of the prom and the last exam and worked it around DH’s work and it seems we missed the day they have a final assembly. Totally our fault but we have a lot going on with her disabled brother at the moment.

Dd now doesn’t want to go on the holiday as she doesn’t want to miss the assembly (which only lasts 2 hours). The company we booked with want to charge us around £750 to move the holiday back a few days. I don’t really know what to do. Just to pay the money, force dd to miss the assembly or quite how to handle it. DD has basically said to forget about the holiday.

OP posts:

greengreyblue · 25/04/2025 17:29

She needs you to stay firm. She’s going to the important stuff.

ffsfindmeausername · 25/04/2025 17:34

Could maybe 1 of you stay behind so she can attend the assembly and fly out and join the rest of the family a few days later? or if dd is mature enough let her stay and fly out alone?

HappiestSleeping · 25/04/2025 17:34

Where is the holiday? I would probably be giving the choice of "have fun at the assembly, see you in a week", or if I were feeling generous "join us tomorrow".

Then again, I couldn't wait to be clear of school, and wouldn't have been bothered in the slightest by a final assembly.

ffsfindmeausername · 25/04/2025 17:36

But fwiw my dd said her leavers assembly wasn't that great and definitely wasn't worth missing a holiday for.

Mumdiva99 · 25/04/2025 17:37

I can understand why she's bothered. As grown ups it doesn't seem a big deal in life. But to your daughter it's a right of passage, an ending to her senior schooling.
If she is going back next year for 6th form I may say - I'm sorry we didn't mean to. You need to come on holiday. As there will be another leaver do in 2 years.
If she is leaving to go to college then I would offer her missing the holiday and staying home with someone else.

Silvertulips · 25/04/2025 17:38

Leavers assembly is for the haves and have nots.

Either fly out the next day or leave her to it.

Original poster

Nopeeking · 25/04/2025 17:53

It’s just her and her dad going as her brother can’t travel at all so I’m staying at home as her brother is still at school, so I’ll be here. I’ve looked at flights for the evening or next day but the airport is quite far away from their resort and there are no flights to the original airport so would be a bit of a nightmare but I’ve said to my DH that it might be cheaper than having to cancel the holiday sorting collection from an airport far away. It’s only France so not far. She’s due to stay on until the sixth form but doesn’t want to miss the shirt signing, everyone taking pictures. Having been to an awards ceremony at the school, they’re never very good but she’s really digging her heels in. She missed out on a school trip last year as all her friends signed up for and she didn’t know they’d signed up so i suspect that is colouring the decision as she doesn’t want to miss out again. I couldn’t wait to be shot of school but she feels quite differently and wants to celebrate ending her time at school despite going on to sixth form.

OP posts:

TheNightingalesStarling · 25/04/2025 17:56

Its one of those things that are massive at 16, but become irrelevant in a few things.

She won't enjoy the holiday.

Original poster

Nopeeking · 25/04/2025 18:56

I wonder if it’s just worth paying for her to fly out two days later.

OP posts:

suburberphobe · 25/04/2025 19:07

Would she want to?

May be the making of her.

Personally I was hitchhiking at the age from 16 to 19 in those days. Of course not safe now.

But I do believe kids nowadays are too molicoddleld. (SP?). It gives them no maturity to get on with their life.

jocktamsonsbairn · 25/04/2025 19:13

Check places like Hoppa to see if they do a transfer to where they are going or could she get a bus/train to somewhere closer then her dad could meet her there?

Nomorecoconutboosts · 25/04/2025 19:35

I’ve got similar aged dc. It sounds very important for her and her friends so I’d be finding a way to facilitate her attending it. If it was my dc I’d take her out for a Starbucks and have a discussion about ways round it and ask her to help find a solution. If it’s France there will be ways of navigating round the travel arrangements. Then she and her dad can have a great holiday. I took both of mine separately on special trips at the end of GCSE year. Younger dd we had to amend plans to fit round end of school type events.

Original poster

Nopeeking · 25/04/2025 19:57

She’s flown alone once before and was fine and happy to do it. She’s quite happy to miss two days of the holiday and get a flight on her own. She’s flown from the airport she’d be going from before as well. It’s my husband who is quite cross really about the whole thing and is on about cancelling it and taking the £500 hit. He could go out on the original flight and have two days relaxing but seems annoyed at this suggestion. Whereas she’s happy to fly out two days later and spend 5 days out there and her dad could meet her at the airport in France. She’s normally flexible but this seems to be super important to her and she’s had a tough year after she was bullied.

OP posts:

MadamCholetsbonnet · 25/04/2025 20:05

Well you obviously can’t force her to go.

I would let her fly out a few days later.

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