Travel Quandary – Looking for Thoughts

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My husband is 100% against air travel for environmental reasons and has vowed never to fly again. He’s very black and white about it, and there’s no room for discussion. I respect his stance—he’s passionate and principled—but it’s tricky.

He’s travelled loads in the past (Europe, Australia, Egypt etc.), and we did a bit together when dating. But now, with teenage daughters, we haven’t flown in years. Our youngest has only been on a plane once—as a baby. I haven’t travelled much myself, and I’d love for our girls to see more of the world: different cultures, languages, places.

I’m open to compromise—we’ve done boat and train trips, and I’d happily pay carbon offset costs—but he won’t budge. I feel stuck between wanting to respect his values and wanting to give our kids (and myself) some broader experiences.

Would love to hear from anyone who’s navigated a similar value clash:

• Is it fair for one partner’s view to shape the whole family’s experience?
• How do you handle this when compromise isn’t possible?
• Am I being unreasonable for still wanting to fly occasionally?

Really appreciate any thoughts!

Take your kids I understand if it's his views but life is too short not to visit other countries,get ferries and trains, fly if you want.

You’re not joined at the hip, and you’re entitled to travel by plane if you want to.
I appreciate his PoV, and have cut down on flying myself but it’s easy for him to have his principles now when he’s already travelled widely.

You can go without him?

Tbh he's fathered 2 children, that's already a big carbon footprint. Does he insist on only ethical investments for his pension? Does he drive? Did he wash 2 sets of reusable nappies when your girls were babies?

I think it's worthwhile to reduce air travel especially regular short-haul. It's incredibly laudable to avoid it all together but it's not the only decision.

I agree. Your husband has his principles but does not get the right to impose them on everyone else.

Enjoy your travelling.

I'd go without him - planes are still going to fly without him on. Its not like your chartering your own private jet!

I'd be quite annoyed if his views meant my kids were not getting to see the world

Probably not what you want to hear but it would be a deal breaker for me.
It’s fine for him to decide that for himself, after having flown round the world, but it’s not fair on you and your DC
Most of the planet couldn’t give a stuff. Decide to go without him and just do it.

Go without him. He's flown loads in the past but has now decided that his family shouldn't have the same opportunities. He's a hypocrite.

Plan the trip, including air travel, for your children to experience, and tell him, he can choose to go or stick to his principles. Memories will be made, he can be in them or not. His choice.

You know it doesn't even need to be "worthy" travel you can take them to Spain for a week in the sun if you want, I couldn't be with a man who's views are so rigid that it affects his family.

My dh became like this and I found it very difficult as it wasn't an issue when we married and had the kids!

I’m torn too because environmentally it is awful but it’s unfair for my children not to have wonderful experiences just because of my husband’s stance. Also I think air travel is just going to become even more expensive in the future so we should go while we still can. I don’t agree with flying several times a year without good reason but I can justify one or two short haul trips a year.

my dh’s attitude has softened slightly and he does now agree to a short haul flight every 2-3 years. I’ve also gone abroad with my kids by myself and with my DPs. We’ve now done three road trips in Europe with DH (electric car) and although I wouldn’t chose to drive there are advantages and the trips have been broad successes and arguably more educational than say a week in an AI on a canary island (not judging anyone to do the latter!)

You could target the places he has been but none of you. He has emitted carbon to reach those destinations so if you go you will still be below his lifetime emissions. It would be hypocritical of him to complain.

You take the children and go yourself, surely? His position doesn’t have to impact yours, if you don’t share it.

Just go by yourself with the dc.

It's good that he is thinking about the environment but he can't dictate what everyone else does. What's the rest of his carbon footprint like?

If he cares so much about the environment why did he have kids?

I think your husband is a huge hypocrite. Just like many of the eco protesters, he has travelled in his youth and seen a lot of the world. He can but you can’t.
Just go with you children.

I had a friend whose husband would not fly, it wasn't for Eco reasons though
She used to fly with the kids and meet him there (usually Greece) and he would do a road trip. The DC sometimes chose to go with him as they got older and sometimes depending on school ect they flew.
Seemed to work out well for everyone.

I hope that you and your husband can find a good compromise!

I find that many of the people who are now very against air travel, are the ones who have travelled a lot by air before, and already seen a lot of the world.
It's of course all right for a person to change their mind, but it's interesting!
It's like they have seen the world, now no more air travel.

Going against the grain here but I think when one half of a couple feels very strongly about something, and for valid reasons, then it's fair for them to have the deciding vote. You can go on holiday by train, ferry etc, and if your DC want to go further afield when they're adults, then they can choose to do so.

Honestly I love seeing the world and being with my children on that experience. This selfishness would be a dealbreaker for me

And it's also fine for the family to go away on their own it isn't fair that the other spouse/,partner is miserable because of "principles".

I would rather not fly on holiday and would be sad if my family went off on a plane without me. Is there really nowhere else you can go by train or ferry again that you would consider sufficiently exciting/ horizon broadening for the kids? I get that it's more time consuming and expensive than flying, but would it really not be possible to find a compromise here?

It's really not about selfishness.

This is why I love cruising.

Surely the massive amount of diesel cruise ships burn is equally environmentally unfriendly?

We didn't fly much when the kids lived at home, as we are quite "green", but we did sometimes, eg to visit family abroad etc. Now they have left and are earning, they fly tonnes so we kind if feel we shouldn't as they are puling up enough air miles for all of us ! And as we both travelled a lot by air in our youth, I do feel they should get to have a bit of the pleasure we did - lord knows jobs and hime are harder to come by for them.

They know and respect our views! We also took them on some good European train holidays (s of france, spain) over the years. But sadly they can't really afford the time or the fares.

I think you ought to be able to fly sometimes with your kids, especially when they are old enough to appreciate new places. But if you can afford the train, you can also do some amazing rail journeys in Europe. You could even go interailing, something i am still dreaming of in my 60s 😅