I could write a book on how I feel as I have so many feelings I just don’t know how to feel differently and how to change my mindset.
39 year old mother to a 6 year old gorgeous girl. I have an amazing kind, supportive, positive go getting husband. I work PT in a busy admin role but find it boring.
I feel like I am quite attractive (get told a lot!) and have worked a lot on appreciating my looks. I am slim, I go to the gym a few times a week and eat pretty well. I don’t have many hobbies but enjoy reading and cooking.
I used to be terribly jealous due to growing up with a mother with low self-esteem who still does have an who I limit contact with as she’s very negative. Her mother is also very negative. She has a boring miserable life (she admits to this) and leaving her DH (my father) would help but she won’t. I have worked very hard on loving myself and also accepting that my DH loves me and that I am beautiful and that women aren’t a threat and other people can be attractive too, that doesn’t mean I’m not.
I have various groups of friends who I see regularly and enjoy their company. I’ve cut out people who don’t bring me joy and who zap my energy.
HOWEVER… I never feel content. I never feel present in the moment. I am always thinking ‘Ok what have to got to look forward to?, when is the next fun thing… holiday, night out’ etc etc.
I’ve had CBT and counselling and I take antidepressants as suffer terrible PMD.
I always want something more.. like I want to be drunk because I like the feeling of the temporary high. However, this soon wears off and I get bad hangovers! I don’t drink that regularly as I realised a few glasses of wine as I said before, made me feel nice temporarily then soon wore off and left me tired and no fun to be around.
How can I be more content? I struggle with motivation so changing careers isn’t appealing as I lack that energy to motivate myself! I have felt this way for as long as I can remember and my mother said I was a hard child to amuse!
Any ideas or anyone out there feeling the same? How do I accept ‘this is life… be happy with what you have… so many others are in a less privileged position’.