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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this just how is it?

4 replies

Maybethisallthereis · 25/04/2025 12:49

I could write a book on how I feel as I have so many feelings I just don’t know how to feel differently and how to change my mindset.

39 year old mother to a 6 year old gorgeous girl. I have an amazing kind, supportive, positive go getting husband. I work PT in a busy admin role but find it boring.

I feel like I am quite attractive (get told a lot!) and have worked a lot on appreciating my looks. I am slim, I go to the gym a few times a week and eat pretty well. I don’t have many hobbies but enjoy reading and cooking.

I used to be terribly jealous due to growing up with a mother with low self-esteem who still does have an who I limit contact with as she’s very negative. Her mother is also very negative. She has a boring miserable life (she admits to this) and leaving her DH (my father) would help but she won’t. I have worked very hard on loving myself and also accepting that my DH loves me and that I am beautiful and that women aren’t a threat and other people can be attractive too, that doesn’t mean I’m not.

I have various groups of friends who I see regularly and enjoy their company. I’ve cut out people who don’t bring me joy and who zap my energy.

HOWEVER… I never feel content. I never feel present in the moment. I am always thinking ‘Ok what have to got to look forward to?, when is the next fun thing… holiday, night out’ etc etc.

I’ve had CBT and counselling and I take antidepressants as suffer terrible PMD.

I always want something more.. like I want to be drunk because I like the feeling of the temporary high. However, this soon wears off and I get bad hangovers! I don’t drink that regularly as I realised a few glasses of wine as I said before, made me feel nice temporarily then soon wore off and left me tired and no fun to be around.

How can I be more content? I struggle with motivation so changing careers isn’t appealing as I lack that energy to motivate myself! I have felt this way for as long as I can remember and my mother said I was a hard child to amuse!

Any ideas or anyone out there feeling the same? How do I accept ‘this is life… be happy with what you have… so many others are in a less privileged position’.

OP posts:
Childanddogmama · 25/04/2025 12:53

Have you looked into ADHD, low dopamine may be a cause?

Maybethisallthereis · 25/04/2025 13:05

Childanddogmama · 25/04/2025 12:53

Have you looked into ADHD, low dopamine may be a cause?

I have just read about this and it’s very interesting! I am sure my dad has the same!

OP posts:
NinjaMad · 25/04/2025 13:07

I came to say low dopamine too which can be genetic. Exercise in nature is one way to raise it but there are lots of ideas online.
You could make lists and set goals for yourself, eg. daily gratitude for 5 things, daily and weekly tasks. Seeing pictures or cards of good times and memories around you. Having a mantra that you stick up on the fridge or something, not live laugh love but similar 😂like 'Here now' or whatever that with time should be your grounding word or phrase to refocus on the moment. Every week try something new, new food or new place or new exhibition, new route. Life is what you make it!

Maybethisallthereis · 25/04/2025 13:09

NinjaMad · 25/04/2025 13:07

I came to say low dopamine too which can be genetic. Exercise in nature is one way to raise it but there are lots of ideas online.
You could make lists and set goals for yourself, eg. daily gratitude for 5 things, daily and weekly tasks. Seeing pictures or cards of good times and memories around you. Having a mantra that you stick up on the fridge or something, not live laugh love but similar 😂like 'Here now' or whatever that with time should be your grounding word or phrase to refocus on the moment. Every week try something new, new food or new place or new exhibition, new route. Life is what you make it!

Thank you so much for this x

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