Is it impolite to be referred to as "the wife"?

[gollyimholly]

I feel like it's a bit rude to be referred to as "the wife" but can't articulate why. If others agree, would you mind sharing why?

For context DH messaged an acquaintance to say he can't make X because he "needs to relieve the wife from babysitting duties......"

This person, I don't think, knows my name but I feel like DH could have at least referred to me as "my wife". And I don't know what all the ellipses are about either but maybe I'm being pedantic there too.

My, thankfully now ex, H referred to me as "the current wife". He thought it hilarious and if I protested and said it wasn't funny, he just told me I didn’t understand northern humour. I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions.

I told him that I didn't like it and how it made me feel - he immediately apologised and said he didn't mean to be rude/reductive towards me and that wasn't his intention and won't refer to me like that again. He also did say it wasn't at all intended how I took it and felt it was the same as saying "my wife", he quickly got the gist of why it felt off when I used "the husband" in an example sentence. He won't often understand why some words or phrases or tone can be taken in a particular way until I explain why though.

Honestly I’d expect the type of man who calls his partner “the wife” to go exactly hand in hand with the type of man who describes parenting his own children as “babysitting duties”.

You lost me at babysitting! I'd have taken his head off for that alone.

It will soon be a crime to say that about any pet or animal next. You watch.

Oh my EXH did that too… usually just within earshot. I hadn’t thought about it being akin to ‘the car’ ‘the dog’ but it’s true.

For example, I bet Nigel Farage says 'the wife'.

Well, he might, if he could actually keep one.

Using "the" is objectifying you and treating you as a possession. That is rude.

When I worked in a factory years ago all the men talk d about “the wife” . It sounded like there was only one and they shared her.
Not heard it for years though, quite nostalgic.

I think referring by name is the best, or 'my wife'. 'The wife' or 'the missus' seems dated at best.

My XH once insisted I go with him to a do at his rugby club. He didn't introduce me to anybody, even as 'the wife' and he didn't introduce anyone to me. That is even worse than being called 'the wife' I think!

I'd feel very disrespected by 'the wife'. My wife is fine.

Exactly so. Like a household appliance or suchlike.
I’m not sure I’ve ever heard a woman refer to ‘the husband’.

Yes, it's rude. I would expect "my wife" or just "Jane" (or whatever your name is).