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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Minding ex’s dog

30 replies

Opinionsplease123 · 25/04/2025 02:14

Is it weird of me to stay at my ex husbands house for up to 4 nights to mind dog? We have been separated and divorced for 18 years. He has been in a relationship the last 10. I know his partner and she was grateful for this. Our kids are 27 and 24. And I have a new boyfriend.

OP posts:
Lamelie · 25/04/2025 02:21

A little weird. Could you not look after the dog in your home? Was his home your home? Who’s said it’s weird?

Bananalanacake · 25/04/2025 02:21

Completely normal if you like dogs and want to help him out. If you don't like dogs you could say no. Personally I couldn't deal with anything bigger than a Pomeranian.

Original poster
Opinionsplease123 · 25/04/2025 02:29

His dog had just had a shoulder operation and is little and I have 2 pretty lively dogs one of which is a big clumsy golden retriever. Anyway him and his partner are neurotic about the dog and I wasn’t working so it was easy for me. They were both away separately for work and it was last minute. I haven’t done it before but have no problem helping out and he lives in city centre so it was a nice change for me to go to different shops etc.
my new boyfriend finds it inappropriate.

OP posts:
Original poster
Opinionsplease123 · 25/04/2025 02:29

His home was never my home. Only his and his partners.

OP posts:
steff13 · 25/04/2025 02:31

It seems like you have an amicable relationship. I don't see anything wrong with it.

TheSandgroper · 25/04/2025 02:32

Ditch the new boyfriend. He isn’t entitled to an opinion. He isn’t respecting your autonomy.

SallyDraperGetInHere · 25/04/2025 02:34

Unless the dog is extremely elderly, assuming you’ve no personal connection to it?

SallyDraperGetInHere · 25/04/2025 02:35

Is there a reason your two sons can’t step in?

Original poster
Opinionsplease123 · 25/04/2025 02:40

Both of my kids were unavailable/unwilling

OP posts:
Original poster
Opinionsplease123 · 25/04/2025 02:41

Hi dog is a puppy who was recovering from broken shoulder. I have looked after his dog at my house before but ex and partner didn’t want her coming to mine again as they feel my dogs are too rough with her.

OP posts:
Tbrh · 25/04/2025 02:43

Sounds like a nice thing to do. He's not just your ex, but the father of your children. As long as his partner and yours don't have an issue.

Ponderingwindow · 25/04/2025 02:45

You are just helping out a friend, albeit one with some history. It is fine to be practical.

I would be more concerned that your new boyfriend is prone to insecurity.

caringcarer · 25/04/2025 02:48

It's good you can remain friends with the father of your DC. Your boyfriend is being a plonker. It's not as if you are staying in house with your exh.

ImustLearn2Cook · 25/04/2025 02:51

‘I haven’t done it before but have no problem helping out and he lives in city centre so it was a nice change for me to go to different shops.’

@Opinionsplease123 I just copied and pasted what you wrote in one of your pp. Read it again because this is the reason why it is not inappropriate at all.

As for your new boyfriend, I think it is inappropriate to voice his disapproval like this.

Original poster
Opinionsplease123 · 25/04/2025 02:55

Just to be clear I have already done it. I stayed there 2 nights. They have a massive house. I’m was in 1 of spare rooms. I didn’t see ex. Key was left out for me. My boyfriend was really not ok with it at all.

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 25/04/2025 03:02

Opinionsplease123 · 25/04/2025 02:55

Just to be clear I have already done it. I stayed there 2 nights. They have a massive house. I’m was in 1 of spare rooms. I didn’t see ex. Key was left out for me. My boyfriend was really not ok with it at all.

He's entitled to have an opinion, but that absolutely doesn't mean you should change how you do things though.

What's his objection exactly?

Is he likely to object to other things involving your ex? Because if that's the case I'd walk away. You've got children and an amicable relationship with your ex and his partner - that's worth so much! I wouldn't let any new boyfriend jeopardise or change that

Bringbackjaspers · 25/04/2025 03:07

Nope. The new boyfriend is thinking you're up to what exactly? Being an animal lover, a friend and a kind human being?

Potential red flag there.

HomeTheatreSystem · 25/04/2025 03:19

Your bf is being a twat. 18 yrs divorced and you have both moved on. You are still linked via your children and you are at least setting a good example about managing a post divorce relationship in an adult way. Make your bf tell you exactly what's weird about it so he has to verbalise the crazy thoughts in his head.

ImustLearn2Cook · 25/04/2025 05:37

ARichtGoodDram · 25/04/2025 03:02

He's entitled to have an opinion, but that absolutely doesn't mean you should change how you do things though.

What's his objection exactly?

Is he likely to object to other things involving your ex? Because if that's the case I'd walk away. You've got children and an amicable relationship with your ex and his partner - that's worth so much! I wouldn't let any new boyfriend jeopardise or change that

Show quote history

This 100%. @Opinionsplease123 Please don’t allow new boyfriend to gaslight you into believing that you did something wrong by staying at ex’s place. You got a couple of days stay in a different area to enjoy (and that’s almost like a little holiday) and you helped out your adult children’s dad and his partner. There’s nothing wrong with that and I hope you enjoyed yourself.

New boyfriend is being very unreasonable.

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 25/04/2025 05:43

Who was looking after your dogs while you were away?

Genevieva · 25/04/2025 05:51

Opinionsplease123 · 25/04/2025 02:55

Just to be clear I have already done it. I stayed there 2 nights. They have a massive house. I’m was in 1 of spare rooms. I didn’t see ex. Key was left out for me. My boyfriend was really not ok with it at all.

Your boyfriend is being insecure for no reason. Being on good teens with your ex husband / the father of your children is a huge achievement and speaks well of you.

Genevieva · 25/04/2025 05:51

*terms

Original poster
Opinionsplease123 · 25/04/2025 06:32

My eldest who lives with me looked after my dogs while I was at ex’s

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 25/04/2025 07:08

No it doesn’t by the way you’ve explained your relationship. I have friends who do this. I also have friends who wish their ex would do this.

Toomanydogwalks · 25/04/2025 07:23

No, I don’t think it’s weird. I think it’s great that you have a good relationship with your ex. I’d ditch your boyfriend, he sounds insecure and, from experience, see this as a red flag.