Not splitting bill

[Bontasha]

My brother has spent a load of money coming to visit me and our Mum. While he is here I booked a package holiday for us all, I am paying for his holiday. The problem is that every time we go anywhere like for a coffee, icecream, dinner etc he never ever offers to pay or split a bill he just expects us to pay for everything. My husband is basically paying for him and it is quite awkward. If my brother would maybe pay for a couple meals for us or offer to pay the tip (he doesn't believe in tipping, it is UK so not a big deal) at the moment I feel my husband is going to confront him. What should I do? I wondered about getting my Mum to say something to him?

Let your DH confront him. Or just start asking for separate bills everywhere you go!

What did you talk about when you booked it.

I’m guessing something like ‘we’ll cover it as you travelled to be here’.

So he’s taken it as you covering the whole thing, whereas you probably had the accommodation in mind.

Asking your mum to have a quiet word might be the way to untangle it.

Why can’t you speak to him?

So we aren't actually on the holiday part yet, we go next week. This is just random days out since he arrived. I should just mention to him but as he spent so much coming here I wondered if I was being unreasonable to expect him to spend money.

He's an adult... Just don't offer to pay when you go places. Or say here's my bank details your share is XX amount.

My brother did the same when visiting with his girlfriend. My DH just said "so we split?". I think my brother thought we were well off so we should pay for everything while he came visiting with his girlfriend. He's a CF and my DH did well to tell him cause I'm a mug.

To me, if I offered to host, I'd expect to pay for everything, but would select activities to my budget. So if money is tight, we'd eat everyday meals at home rather than eating out etc.

Thanks, good ideas / points. I think if he appeared grateful it wouldn't be so annoying!

Has he got any money with him?

What a cheeky bastard!

I don't understand why you would book a holiday. He's coming to see you - so you just do normal basic hosting stuff.

Does he think you're minted and the money is nothing to you?

I just wouldn't be doing days out or anything flash.

More info needed.

How much did his travel cost? What’s his income? What expectations were made prior to the visit? How old is he etc…

Definitely broach it for the holiday. Suggest a 'kitty' for coffee/meals, only if it's an even split and one side doesn't drink gallons more than the other. Top up as you go.

Just say ... 20 quid a head folks .... or .... its your turn today (hand over the bill) ... or ... do you think we are should have a kitty for the holiday for food and drink, shall we start with £500 each (or £whatever)?

I think if you are going to change the dynamic you need to have a word with him before you go to the next restaurant or cafe. Yes he should be paying his own way, but I don’t think it’s fair to tell someone only when the bill comes.

If he has spent a lot of money on travel funds might be tight. I would have a chat in advance. “We’re thinking of going to restaurant tonight, here’s a link to the menu, is this ok with you, because everyone needs to pay their own bills tonight”

Just stop paying! I genuinely never understand posts like this.

In this situation we’d have a kitty

Thanks. To clarify, he paid about £2000 to get to the UK. The weather is usually terrible and he wanted to see a bit of Europe so we decided a short holiday during his visit ticked all the boxes and gives us and Mum a wee holiday too.
He is an adult with his own family who didn't travel with him, he has a good job but I know he feels the UK is expensive compared to his home.
I think I'll use some of your suggestions, mainly I just wanted to know I wasn't being unreasonable expecting him to contribute.