Narisssist & gifts

[makesmestronger]

I have a BIL that is a narissist, both DH and I have blocked him on phones, social media, we refuse to engate etc. He is claiming to be head of the 'family' and think he can exert some sort of control on our lives, but fortunatley lives several 100's of miles away so he won't turn up on our doorstep any time soon. However he continues to send gifts of money to our DS and I feel it is more of a control thing and a reminder to DH and I that he is still around. That sounds crazy but there has been so many mind games from him, lies, controlling behaviour, racisim towards me I could be over thinking it but I don't think so I am an emotionally rational person.

We are very happy we don't want to re-engage in a relationship with BIL. However this morning a birthday card with money has turned up again for DS. Do we return it or do we bin it?

DH wishes to return it - I am not so sure as it will be used as ammo of 'look what they are doing not giving my gift to dear nephew, how unreasonable etc etc'. The lies, and character assisnation will start again.

I think bin it but I am worried about he will feel we are in debt to him as he is sending gift to DS and has that element of control.

Life has got a lot simplier since we cut all ties, and DH mental health is a lot better - any words of wisdom?

No matter what you do, you're the villain in his story. So just let him send them. He wants your reaction, he wants to kick off. Don't give them the satisfaction.

Leave the gift there, not sure how old DS is, but I'd just leave it unopened, untouched, he's still blocked. The attempt has failed to trigger a response.

Let them.
You can't control what he does, you can only control your response. Let him send them. Don't open them, don't return them, don't throw or dispose of them. Put them in a box. Leave them under the stairs out of sight

It isn't yours to bin or return. You need to put them aside until your child is old enough to decide what to do with them

How old is your son.

it’s not your money to bin!!!

Pay it quietly into premium bonds or a bank account, don’t mention it to your son until he is 18 and you can tell him about the situation

DS is a minor and has additional needs

A minor is being incredibly vague.

there’s a big difference between a 3 year old and a 15 year old.

if he is old enough you should give him the cash. If young then put it in his savings account.