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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can this be real?

14 replies

Bestisyettocome · 24/04/2025 12:16

Ex partner of 4 years told the following story as a reason for not being able to talk with me .
(For context I ended things after some very questionable behavior at Christmas that affected myself and child, he has been very persistent that he wants to get back together, have therapy and work on himself, I was open minded to this).

On the night in question he messaged me at 9pm to say he was off to bed and he'd call me in the morning.

Calls me in the morning, I sense he's a bit distant, distracted and we have a short conversation which he closes off saying he needs to talk to his kids and parents and he's driving to his holiday (all fine with me) I definitely felt he wanted to close the conversation off asap.

Later after reflection, I say I felt quite upset that our conversation was cut short as he was going away for 4 days and out of reception and we wouldn't be able to talk easily.

He gave the following reason.

On the previous evening he was unable to sleep so went for a walk around his village, he had had a few drinks (didn't say how much he's supposed to be giving up) as he returned home there was a police presence on his street and a neighbor 4 doors down from him was upset.

He stopped and asked what was going on and was the lady okay.

He does not know this neighbor.

It was disclosed that she was being stalked by someone who was being threatening to her, police were searching for him and looking after the victim.

My ex said 'he got swept up in the drama of it all' 'was tipsy and enjoying the drama'.
He explained that he spent the hours of 10pm and 12pm trying unsuccessfully to sleep on the woman's sofa.

I found the whole situation bizarre on so many levels and frankly unbelievable.

I couldn't conceive that A. A woman who was frightened out of her wits wouldn't get her husband to come back from work to stay with her (apparently he was doing a night shift at a nuclear plant so couldn't leave)
B. Why she would want a tipsy, man from 4 doors down who she didn't know to sleep on her sofa?

So
AIBU
A. He was kind, selfless and played the good Samaritan and neighbor to stay with this lady until midnight affecting his sleep and I should be thinking what a good person he is.

B. Sleeping on the sofa of a woman that you don't know, who was being taken care of by the police, because you are enjoying the drama is inappropriate I'm right to smell a rat.

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 24/04/2025 12:18

B.

WingSlutz · 24/04/2025 12:18

OMG who cares. It’s obviously bullshit, I would stay well away from this.

BarneyRonson · 24/04/2025 12:21

Nah. After four years, you wonder if he’s making up daft lies. This isn’t a good relationship.

Flyonthewall01 · 24/04/2025 12:21

Does it really matter? You’ve broken up and I’m assuming the Christmas thing was a separate event to this?
whether or not (he is) bullshitting you with this wild story is irrelevant.
please raise the bar and do not get back together with him

Errolwasahero · 24/04/2025 12:22

Bloody hell I know he’s lying and I believe EVERYONE!

ThejoyofNC · 24/04/2025 12:23

If something is unbelievable, you probably shouldn't believe it.

Dangermoo · 24/04/2025 12:25

He's a loser. End of.

BlahBlahBittyBlah · 24/04/2025 12:25

I wouldn’t believe that load of rubbish in a million years.

Frostynoman · 24/04/2025 12:52

Surely he’d have messages you when he was in the situation as it’s quite a random one (if it’s to be believed)

Bestisyettocome · 24/04/2025 12:56

Thanks people. He was pretty defensive over the situation and made some statements that were belittling and made me doubt what my instincts were telling me.
He said he was being selfless, it impacted on his sleep, why did I always think the worst of him, her husband can't just leave a nuclear reactor etc.

OP posts:
Bestisyettocome · 24/04/2025 13:14

Flyonthewall01 · 24/04/2025 12:21

Does it really matter? You’ve broken up and I’m assuming the Christmas thing was a separate event to this?
whether or not (he is) bullshitting you with this wild story is irrelevant.
please raise the bar and do not get back together with him

Yes a totally separate event, one that we were trying to rebuild trust from.

OP posts:
loropianalover · 24/04/2025 13:18

Would you be comfortable sitting down with your family at dinner and relaying his story to them? Or telling your colleagues in the office?

No, because you’d feel embarrassed and stupid. Because you know it’s bullshit. You can imagine the silence and how everyone’s eyes would dart to not make eye contact with you.

It’s unbelievable the things you’ll fall for when you think you love someone or you’re in a relationship.

SoScarletItWas · 24/04/2025 13:22

Actually spat my drink out the utter ludicrousness of

He explained that he spent the hours of 10pm and 12pm trying unsuccessfully to sleep on the woman's sofa.

What a load of bollocks. He must think you’re an idiot.

And then the nuclear reactor just pulls the other one. Was she Marge Simpson?!

Sounds like you are well shot of him.

AlohaRose · 24/04/2025 16:54

What a load of rubbish, but why do you even care ? He's your ex.

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