AIBU - should he have got me a ticket?

[icameonholidaybyaccident]

My partner’s family are coming to visit from overseas for the first time. We don’t live together and my place has more space to accommodate them so he asked me/I volunteered to host them. I’m having to tighten my belt at the moment but he will buy the food and drinks and says he’ll help get the house ready etc. While they’re here they’re all going to the Chelsea flower show for the day. I love gardens and he knows this. He’s not that into them but likes them enough. I recently found out that he’s bought himself a ticket to go with them. AIBU that I feel a bit miffed that he didn’t think to invite me too and buy me a ticket, given that I am hosting them all at my house and I am having to watch my spending?

YANBU

They're staying in your house but you're not automatically included in a trip that is to do with one of your interests... that would feel pretty crappy and thoughtless for sure. I'd be quite concerned that the plans to help prep for their arrival will be equally crappy and thoughtless and fall to you.

How long have you been with this partner and how often are you left feeling disappointed or sidelined?

I would be annoyed too

I would be absolutely irritated. You are hosting strangers 24/7 in your home, which there will be a cost to even if he’s buying food, and you’re not involved in an activity which your partner k wow is your area of interest. I’d be asking for electricity money too.

He’s a nice man and we’ve been together a while now but he is a bit clueless sometimes. He is reasonable if I bring things up and does adapt to what I ask of him. I’m not sure how to bring this up. It feels embarrassing to have to point this out. Oh well, better just say it I suppose.

YANBU
Bearing in mind you are doing 100% of the hosting in your house that’s just rude! Are you supposed to make the beds and clean the floors while they all sail off for a nice day out? Very thoughtless of him.

I don’t think it’s embarrassing at all to say hey what were you thinking exactly? I don’t run an Airbnb. If they are staying because they are my boyfriend’s family then where is my ticket to the flower show that I’d love to go to? If they are staying because I’m an Airbnb cancel it please, I’m not an Airbnb.

It’s at best very thoughtless and at worst demeaning. You’re good enough to host - which not only comes with costs but lots of work and nerves - but You’re not included in the Activity ?

it’s not Like You’re Staff of a bed and breakfast. Are you included in other activities on the itinerary?

You need to help him out if he's clueless and not just tight. Tell him straight out you would love to come with them and could he get you a ticket as well. You're hosting his family so it's the least he could do.

Why are you being evasive about how long you've been together?

But whether it's three weeks, three months, three years or three decades, his treatment of you is unacceptable.

If you struggle to have a conversation with him about this then do you see this as a long term relationship?
Conversations about money when living together, maternity leave etc are much harder.

Yanbu.

I would be evaluating the relationship.

Re bringing it up
You say "I'm shocked you think its okay for me to host your family for you and then to take them out on a day you know I'd love and not invite me along. What was your thought process there? Because I'm hurt and offended"

Thoughtless, but perhaps he was trying to do the right thing by giving you a break.

He either buys another ticket for you, or you go with the parents and he stays home and cleans your house.

I agree with other posters that you need to learn how to negotiate situations like this and communicate or your relationship is doomed.

YANBU. It's common courtesy to at least ask.

"Boyfriend, I would have appreciated if you had asked me if I'd like to go. I am not a free hotel I'm your girlfriend."
Someone else can probably word it more diplomatically than me though!

I’ve learned in life to be direct immediately, otherwise I stew on things and just upset me to. So my immediate reaction would have been to have said, “what the fuck, I’m hosting your family and you didn’t buy me a ticket? Why would you not think to include me?”

Also, I’ve stopped being nice, so I would have also told him to go and fuck himself and taken back the offer of hosting. They could find somewhere else to stay. There is no way I’d be putting myself out for someone so thoughtless. Some might say that’s extreme but I had a lifetime of being walked over before I said no more.

He should have gut you a ticket but you might welcome a day to yourself by then

Why in gods name have you agreed to host them? They can get a hotel like most people would.

You are excusing and justifying his shortcomings because he is a ‘nice man’ and you want this to work. He isn’t a nice man at all. He is a user that takes what he wants from you and doesn’t really give any fucks about you. Huge red flags, open your eyes.