Move closer to family

[rose2026]

My husband and I are having discussions whether to move. We currently live close to my in-laws (10 mins away). My family live 300 miles away and I miss them terribly. I have posed to move half way in-between which would make it 2.5 hours each way. It would mean changing jobs for my husband. My DC are not in school yet so that is not an issue. The area we are looking at will make us slightly financially better off, safer and provide a better future for our children than where we are now. My husband’s reservations are childcare on tap. Although, we rarely go out and overnight childcare usually consist of my parents travelling the 5 hours down as my in-laws lead busy lives. It would just be the emergency childcare we would lack. My parents are retired and said 2.5hrs is doable for childcare when needed for the day. They live rurally now so everywhere is a trek for them.
What do you think?

Is he worried about his dps reaction?

I'd move closer to your parents.

Moving halfway between the two sets of parents seems like a good idea to me.

I think half way is crackers! You'll go from being close to one set to being close to neither. (Unless of course you don't want to see them!)

I’d move near your parents.

I would list out all options, staying put, moving half way, moving closer to your parents. This also comes with a warning that my friend moved next door but one to her parents after years and years of them begging to move close. The parents then moved 3 years later, 100 miles away. To say my friend was angry was an understatement. So all these things need to be considered.

If your husband is having to change jobs anyway I think I’d move closer to your parents over half way (unless it’s an area you don’t want to live in).
Sounds like your family are more willing/able help you out and wouldn’t if be a lot more helpful when your kids start school.

Seems like your in laws may never do much childcare. A woman I volunteer with and her DH drive a round trip of 250 miles one day a week to look after their 3 grandchildren for the day. They stay over with the family the night before. They are very early sixties and fit as fleas. They wouldn’t move themselves as have very full local lives here.

If I get grandchildren then I would assist with childcare but would hope to not have to drive that far to do it. Plus the overnight stay it’s a pay off isn’t it so I assume the family have a house big enough to let the grandparents have a room of their own all the time.

Do you think though that your parents will stay living rurally or consider moving not because of your childcare needs but due to the complexity of living rurally and ageing.

He has mentioned to them. They are sad, they see the children once a week at the moment.

They won’t move closer due to caring for my disabled sibling where they are. My other sibling lives near them too. 2.5 hours driving to see them would be a doddle, I’d happily go for the weekend and would mean the world to me that my children can see their grandparents more 😊

Thanks for all your replies. My husband will only consider moving maximum half between both sets of parents as he thinks this is only fair. My parents originally moved from where we live now and he doesn’t want to ‘chase’ them. He appreciates how unhappy I am though and how I want to be closer. It is too remote where they live for him and wouldn’t be many job opportunities for his line of work. His parents retire next year so could visit often. We see them once a week maximum at the moment as they are so busy (they do provide childcare one day a week), MIL stipulates however it is not a contract and I would say once every 6 weeks they cannot commit due to other commitments. My parents are willing to take over responsibility for this for one day a week and stay over at ours for a night.

I think your husband is being ridiculous. You can't have a marriage based on what fair to your parents and in-laws. You have a marriage based on what is best you your partner and children.

I would prioritise proximity to job opportunities, (and therefore household income), good schools and things to do and public transport for older DC over proximity to even the most hands on grandparents. It’s hard work parenting small DC but do-able. It’d cost much less to pay for your parents to stay somewhere nice when they visit than to move.

H has a mix of reasons, and isn’t U not to want to move to a place with fewer job/earnings opportunities, relatively remote and where neither of you has lived before solely to be very near his in laws!

OP, you’re seemingly minimising the (generous) one day a week of help you’re receiving at present from your in laws!

Agree with this!