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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is 9 to young?

123 replies

FocusToday · 23/04/2025 21:54

My husband works from home on a Monday. We live around the back of my DS primary school - I have googled it and we live 112 metres from his school.
Do you think the summer of year 4, so will be 9, is old enough for him to walk home from school on his own?
For context he won’t be crossing a road and the front door will be left open for him to get into the house. My DH has a team’s call every Monday from 3pm till 4pm but will be able to hear him come into the house.
My son goes to after school club atm but doesn’t really enjoy it.
We have not spoken to him about it yet. My husband thinks its fine. I’m not sure.
Would the school even allow this though?
Thank you!

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/04/2025 21:55

Our school only allowed walking home from year 5.

Original poster
FocusToday · 23/04/2025 21:55

Sorry didn’t mean for it to come up as AIBU post.
Just wanted some opinions 😊

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 23/04/2025 21:56

I think it would be fine, but schools don’t allow it where I live till y5, and then it’s actively encouraged!

NuffSaidSam · 23/04/2025 21:56

Our school wouldn't allow it.

I think if you're happy with it and he's happy with it it's fine.

RedSkyDelights · 23/04/2025 21:57

I would consider it to be fine. But wouldn't do it unless my DC was happy with it. My DC's school would allow it. I'd give him a key rather than just leaving the door open (I assume you mean unlocked) though.

2ndChristmas · 23/04/2025 21:57

Our school allows it from September year 4.
Give it a try. If there's an issue rethink it.

StrongandNorthern · 23/04/2025 21:58

I'd say 100% fine, but then I did just reply 'It depends on the individual child's to an earlier question !
Trust your instincts.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/04/2025 21:58

Could you pay a childminder who is already picking up others from same school and maybe walks past your house a nominal amount for the five minutes it’ll take?

Zanatdy · 23/04/2025 22:00

I wouldn’t have an issue personally for that short distance. But your school might not allow until year 5. You’ll have to see what they say. If not, after school club it is for another year.

ReplacementBusService · 23/04/2025 22:00

I used to get a 5 min bus to and from swimming with my neighbour, and walk half a mile and back for school from the age of 9. But, in the 1980s that was completely normal. So "in my day" what you're asking was a non question. My own children were in wraparound care until they had to learn to walk to school and back themselves at the age of 11.

So, 9 years old, 112metres, in this day and age, I don't know what the consensus will be but I'm sure an average 9 year old historically would have been expected to cope with more and I don't think you're unreasonable.

Pippa12 · 23/04/2025 22:02

I have a 9 year old, he’s not ready to be left unsupervised. I suppose every 9 year old is different but personally I think it’s too young.

BogRollBOGOF · 23/04/2025 22:03

DS2 walked home from the start of y5 (and occasionally had to walk in if he had an early start and DH wasn't avaliable for DS1's school run). It was less than a 5 min walk and I was home with DS1 within 5 mins.

I'd clarify the plans with school; how short and low-risk the journey is and going in to a parent.

Realistically it's not a risk level that any other agencies would take issue with if school objected.

lilythesheep · 23/04/2025 22:04

My daughter walked home from the start of Year 4. Similar setup - short walk, only one small road. School was fine with it. Head teacher said she felt it was an appropriate age to start taking responsibility and managing small amounts of independence.

My parents were on the protective side but I was certainly allowed to walk similar distances by 9. We don’t allow children to take small risks and build up independence as a society nowadays. It isn’t good for them.

Original poster
FocusToday · 23/04/2025 22:04

Thank you all, it makes me feel better about it.

Yes the door would be unlocked.

I haven't spoken to the teacher yet. I have seen parents outside of the school gates with their dogs and the school is happy for those children to go out without the teachers being able to see if the parents are actually there. We do live so close, that if there was something wrong then he would have enough time to go back to the school and find a teacher.

He’s bit of a goody two shoes so of child, so I don’t trust he wouldn’t come straight home.

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 23/04/2025 22:05

I think based on the information you’ve provided a sensible 9 year old would be fine. The school may refuse though until year 5. I wouldn’t have allowed my ds1 at that age (now year 5) but we live a 20+ minute walk away.

Starlightstarbright4 · 23/04/2025 22:06

I would check your schools policy …

other thing to consider if your Ds was late - can Dh get off teams call ?

Bushmillsbabe · 23/04/2025 22:07

Just thinking about my 9 year old year 4 - she could definitely do this, and her best friend lives on next street to us so they would walk together. Only you know about the area you live and how safe it is, how sensible your 9 year old is?

Her school doesn't allow this until summer term year 5 though, so she wouldn't be able to

SemperIdem · 23/04/2025 22:07

Depends on the child and how sensible they are, plus how comfortable they are with the independence.

My friends and I used to take ourselves swimming at 9, in the late 90’s. I can’t imagine allowing my 9 year old to do that, or any other today.

I think in many ways, the world has shrunk for children and enabling independence.

LittleLabrador · 23/04/2025 22:09

My child is also 9 and year 4 and would be fine with this. In her school you have to be year 5 though. We live 0.3 miles away and the road outside the school gets quite busy but in year 5 she will do it by herself. This term we’re practising her crossing safely with me nearby. It annoys me there isn’t a safe crossing zone so I could feel more relaxed about it. She’s desperate to walk home and I know she’ll be absolutely fine by year 5 though. She’d also be completely fine coming home and me being at home too but on a teams call. She’d just get a snack and put the telly on probably

Amberkitten7654321 · 23/04/2025 22:09

Wow our school lets any kid from year 3 walk home alone! (Their parents have to give permission at start of year then they just let them leave). It wouldn’t even occur to me that this wouldn’t be ok, but my 8 year old son is v sensible and mature and will walk round to his friends house alone probably just over this distance.

Ducksurprise · 23/04/2025 22:09

I've written this a million times, but the school can't stop you.

It is perfectly reasonable what you suggest.

Put it in writing to the school, it will likely be a game of bluff until they realise you are serious.

midlandsmummy123 · 23/04/2025 22:10

Why are the rules different for different schools, is it because of the area or different LEA rules? our school wouldn't allow it in year 4 or 5.

Strangeworldtoday · 23/04/2025 22:14

Our schools won't allow until year 6. We are in a built up area though. But I thinknsome 9 year olds could do this no problem. Some not.
Would your husband be actively checking the clock and time to make sure he was in though at the time he was due. If anything happened to delay him, even falling over for example then could your husband drop his work call and go and look for him?

welshweasel · 23/04/2025 22:15

My son is 9 (year 4) and I would absolutely do this, so long as the school will allow it.

Looloolullabelle · 23/04/2025 22:16

I let my daughter walk 400m from school to her after school activity from the summer of year 3. She was 8 and walked with her friend. They are both sensible girls and I totally trusted them. They loved it. She had my old
phone which I got a cheap SIM card for so I could track them. I wouldn’t have let my son at the same age though.

The school needed written permission from the parents which we were happy to give.

Im not one of these parents who molly coddles and wraps them up in cotton wool though. If I think they are capable and responsible enough then I will give them certain responsibilities and independence etc.