WWYD move schools or not?

[Waymarked7]

Not super interesting but genuinely need advice.

Daughter 7, year 2. In a small class with maybe 7 other girls. Last year the class was split so only 4 in her year, this year all back together. She has been so unhappy all year about friendships. Every day after school she is upset/cries about friendship issues.

I've spoken to the teacher numerous times and she does try to help/support the friends but obviously can't be there every play time.

Daughter doesn't want to go to school and wants to change schools because of this. I feel that's a bit OTT but it's getting me down seeing her so upset every day I'm not sure what else to do?

We have tried play dates etc but she rarely gets invited back so that's tricky. She had 1 very good friend who now plays with someone else, which is probably the main issue.

Am I being unreasonable to think about moving her?

I think the question is why the friendships aren't sticking? You could move her, but what's to say that the exact same situation wouldn't occur there and you've gone through all of that upheaval for nothing. Does she go to organised groups outside of school to help broaden her sphere of friends? Sorry to hear about this by the way, it must be very upsetting for you to see her struggling.

I'm biased but she is a lovely girl, so helpful. Maybe head strong but I think the others are too!

She does beavers and swimming and does have a boy friend we see regularly.

Any ideas on how to teach her to cope with friendship loss, it's breaking my heart

Does she have close friends in other schools? Sounds like a very small class which can make friendships quite pressured.

If she gets on well with boys (beavers, boyfriend) , I'm guessing she is maybe a very energetic personality? My daughter sometimes can be a bit overwhelming for some of the quieter girls, despite being very kind and meaning well.

Y2 can be a point of transition, my oldest struggled a bit too, but when she went to juniors, some new children joined and they mixed them up a bit and it improved

I wouldn't move school because of friendship issues. If there was relentless bullying maybe but not just the normal falling out and changing friendships that most children have to navigate. Encourage your daughter to not put too much store in having a 'best friend' it's much better to have a wide range of friends to play with. Are there any children in the class who also feel a bit left out that she can pal up with?

There's loads of resources for helping girls navigate friendship difficulties and build resilience. This is just one -
https://sunshine-parenting.com/4-friendship-concepts-to-share-with-girls/

I would do some reading and try some strategies before you think about moving her to a new school. Friendship problems are so common, it's unlikely that it will be different in a new school.

Why is she upset exactly. Do the girls all play together and dd only wants to play 1:1?

It's really hard with a small friendship pool, it is quite lightly there's no one you really gel with

Does she have other real friends from Beavers/Swimming? How are the friendships different in these than in school? How big are these groups? My thinking is if she just hasn't happened to find kindred spirits in a small class, and that is making her feel lonely and unhappy, then moving her to a bigger school, where she'd have more people to chose from and maybe groups would be a bit bigger, more fluid, less pressured, would help her to find people that she fitted in better with. If she is struggling to make friends because she finds the actual relating to people difficult, then more people won't help. In fact she's quite likely to feel more lost and lonely in a bigger group where she has no good friends, than in a smaller one.

I think I'd try and find a school with a bigger pool of people. And read some books on friendship. There are some good ones covering how you should behave and how you should be treated. I know with mine, the sooner they learnt the unwritten rules, the easier it was.

Do you have any book suggestions? She loves to read

She is mostly upset because she feels excluded, the other girls have close friendships from earlier in school and her best friend now wants to play with someone who was in a different class last year. They have been best little buddies since they were 3 so it's hard for her.

She makes friends fine, no other issues.

Trust me when I say I don't talk about moving schools lightly as my older daughter attends same school and had friendship issues too at times but not to this extent!

This is what girls friendships are generally like from hereon in-changeable! She will be the one feeling excluded this week, and next week it will be someone else. I would speak to the staff and find out if those who are on playground duty can notice to see if there is any reason for her feeling left out. But really girls friendship groups are very dynamic from about 7 onwards.

Smaller schools are hard for friendships. I moved my eldest from a tiny school, not for friendship issues, but he thrived so much more in a school with 2 classes per year group. It gave him the opportunity to find his people.

What sized school can you move her to? I wouldn't move to a similar sized school, but if there is a 2 or even 3 form intake school nearby (with spaces!) I'd seriously consider it.
It sounds to me like the school is too small for her to find kids like her.
Whilst small schools look great when you are looking at them for a tiny 3 year old, they can have issues like this if your child is in any way quirky.