Brother questioning my effort with my niece

[AnonAunt]

My niece is 3 years old and I have done everything I can for the past 3 years to be in her life. When my sister in law went back to work after her maternity I was there childcare for 3 full days a week every week so they could both continue working, all I asked for was my travel expenses which they reluctantly agreed to. I have never missed birthday, xmas, etc and never would.

I’m currently waiting for neurosurgery and my symptoms have declined massively this year, I spend majority of my days in bed. The past few weeks I haven’t spoke much to my brother/SIL but I have still visited my niece when shes been down the road at my mums house one day a week.

I sensed tension between them and me so I asked if I’d done something wrong, they have now told me I’m not making the effort to go see my niece and I should be doing more. Me going to my mums to visit her is selfish because its only down the road so I’m not making enough effort.

I can no longer drive far due to my symptoms and they live 20 min drive away, I’m now not allowed to visit her at my mums so I don’t know what to do to see her.

Am I being unreasonable or are they?

They are users and disgusting people. I'm sorry.

Why are they expecting you to be the third parent of their child?

How dare they treat you like this when you're struggling so much.
I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this.

Is he your only sibling?
Why did you stop providing childcare?
Do you have any children of your own? If yes, how was he with them?
What does your mum think?

I don't think you're in any way unreasonable on the basis of what you've written (but my siblings and are not especially close)

What absolute bastards. Do they fully understand what you’re going through at the moment?

You must know you're not being unreasonable. You're this child's aunt not their parent you've done more than 99% of aunts and yet that's still not good enough. Take a huge step back.

Do they expect you to still provide childcare when you are disabled? It is your moms choice to have you come to her home. If I was your mom I would change their attitudes. If they don't want you to see their child then they would lose childcare!

He’s my only sibling yeah. I only stopped when she was entitled to cheaper nursery fees basically when they no longer needed me. I don’t have my own children yet no but I doubt they would be involved in my children's life much.
My mum agrees they are being ridiculous but they have used my niece as bait since they were pregnant, whether it be for money or childcare no one is ever doing enough. But I never expected them to question my effort especially now my life has been turned upside down with needing brain surgery.

Unfortunately a lot of people in my life haven’t shown much empathy as my symptoms are largely invisible but I just dont think they care about my health it just seems me being unwell is an inconvenience atm…

They are users, tell them to do one, let them pay the full rate for childcare.
They are nasty bastards, they even begrudged your travel expenses. I would never help these people again.

How horrid. Are they helping you? Thought not. Remind them of all the childcare you have done and ask for them to help.

That is my concern if I have her on my own at the minute anything could happen and I would never forgive myself.. I thought I was doing the right thing.
My mum agrees and has said if I cant be there then she won’t have her but I dont want it to come to that.

You need to tell them they are not doing enough to support you and to show you that they care.

Call him out on this.

What an arse!

I think it's time your DB started looking after you. Oh look, a unicorn!. 🦄

Dickhead. Cut them both off for a bit. I hope your treatment is successful and you feel better soon.

I'm glad you have your mum's support.

The only possible justification I can think of is that you played a big part in your niece's life when she was little and maybe she misses you?

But regardless you're poorly now and they are apparently dickheads

Oh come on, you can't be serious.

Don’t let their guilt trips derail your recovery, your health comes first. You’ve done more than enough. The fact they’re not even worried about your health and banning you from seeing your niece at your mum’s is just cold and cruel. Focus on healing—and as and when they come knocking, deal with them on your terms. Wishing you a speedy recovery OP 💐

Do they ever ask to come visit you? Offer you any support? I bet they bloody don’t!.

when I became disabled a lot of friends/family got the hump that I could no longer be there for them. None of them bothered to help me at all. They really showed their true colours.

im glad your mum is supporting you. Your brother sounds nasty.

hope your operation goes ok x

What have I just read!!
What a pair of vile scumbags. They miss their free babysitter and have no care for you at all. I wish you a speedy recovery and once you are well, please spend every minute doing what you want, on your terms and don't give these users a second thought. 💐

Your brother and SIL sound like horrible, ungrateful users. You provided them with free child care for three years and now that you are seriously ill, they won't even let you see your niece at your mums because that means you aren't making enough effort?

What disgusting people they are. I'm glad your mum is sticking up for you. Let her tell your brother and SIL that if they won't let you see your niece at her house, she won't look after her at all. They need to suffer some consequences for their hideous actions.

Ask them if you had a child would they do the same level of care you provided. The fact that they haven't bothered with you in your sickness is bad enough.

So many people are snakes nowadays.

Wishing you a speedy recovery and lots of blessings in your future xx