To support DH in getting a new job when baby number 2 is due any minute?

[postmanshere]

Baby number 2 is due in 2 weeks. An opportunity for DH to get a much better role at work has just come up and he would start in 4 weeks. Pays about £10k more and company car. It’s also something he’d love to do and be good at.

Am I mad for encouraging him to go for it? I had really bad ppd with dd1 and really needed him nearby those first few months. This job would be much longer days and often 1-2 nights away a week, leaving me with two under three.

This opportunity may not come up again though and realistically the time when your kids are small really does fly by.

Were backwards and forwarding about it and can’t make up our minds. Anyone been in this position or could anyone comment on how they’d feel about it?

Thanks.

I think for me it would depend on what kind of support you have around you for if you suffer with ppd again.

I consider myself really lucky to not have suffered with PPD and so for me this would be a simple one, if you’re happy with it and he is then he should go for it.

But I have a friend who suffered horrendously with PPD and I know during those times she couldn’t cope without her husband for an hour nevermind a day or overnight, so for her this would also be simple, it’s an absolute no.

Only you can decide where you fall on the spectrum and what other support you have. If you have family & friends you trust to step in if needed them maybe, but if not then honestly I wouldn’t.

Depends what other support network you have should you get ppd again

Sornd money on extra support for you.
Especially when he away overnight get someone in to help

I have my parents nearby, 10 minutes away, both retired and committed grandparents. Didn’t have that first time. That’s probably mostly why we’re even considering it.

Go for it.

Based on your subsequent post I would say absolutely go for it.

maybe he could negotiate a later start date / longer PAT leave as part of his offer if he is successful - which I hope he is. Best of luck!

Then he should go for it. Hopefully you won't get PPD again but at least this time you'd be prepared. Best of luck with the new baby x

i would go for it then - the extra money will help and if it’s a rare opportunity

I think it also depends if you want this sort of set up for family life going forward. I wouldn’t for only £10k, but that’s an individual decision.

I had horrendeous PPA with DC#1 and didn’t have it again for the next three babies so I hope that gives you hope.

a lot of it came in knowing to trust myself and that so many hormones are recklessly flying around and keep changing for a solid year. Knowing this made harder days easier to manage as I could remember thinking “oh yeah last three times when I stopped BF my hormones dipped and I felt flat for a couple of weeks - I know what this is and I will be ok”

can he go back to his previous role if it’s too much for him right now? Or could he defer it by 6 months?

I didn't have PPD but I did have premature twins so life was hectic at home and DH got a similar sounding promotion. It was within the same massive company though so they knew that he was going on paternity leave and worked round that. Don't regret him doing it though..it meant there was less financial strain when I went back part time ... he was (and still is!) Away for a few nights at a time pretty frequently and whilst it wasn't super easy you get used to it!

How much longer hours? How does this impact you not just during maternity leave but when you go back to work - does that mean paying for more nursery, you struggling to fit in your job and doing all the pick up and drop off etc? I would be less concerned about maternity leave (though I didn't have PPD) and more about longer term

DH got a major promotion just before DC 3 arrived (prematurely as it happens) . I knew he’d be working longer hours and travelling more we had discussed it but we don’t regret it. It was a stepping stone to another more senior position and he now can delegate work and gets home by six most evenings and is able to be way more flexible so the opportunity was really worth it .