Dd doesn’t feed dc properly

[Malayna]

Edit: Title says dd; I meant DH sorry. Our kids our young. I really dislike DH as a person because his a mean control freak. He says if dd doesn’t eat what we give her she can’t have anything else that includes snacks. Of course I don’t listen. Doesn’t help put groceries in the house or cook a meal. He doesn’t know what the kids eat. And when they say they are hungry he always suggests the same: pizza, nuggets, fries. Not a fruit or vegetable in sight. He constantly argues with me as dd will say she’s hungry at night and I will give her something to eat. Then he will be mad because I am “disrupting her bed time.” He gets mad I allow her yoghurt during the day as “she shouldn’t eat snacks.” I stay because I know the poor kids would never eat if we got split custody. Surely this is not normal. We went to the grocery shop snd he decided to tag along even though I didn’t want him there. He then argued with me the whole way there saying I could’ve gone another day even though we are out of essential items and fruit. He literally said I always put him last and the kids first. Any advice on how to leave without the kids having to go to that horrible man.

I don’t really understand most of your post, but he’s right about the bedtime thing, it’s amazing how many kids suddenly become hungry/thirsty at bedtime so they can stay up longer!

YABU to stay. He is being unreasonable with his behaviour.

if you left him - the kids would only have to put up with his behaviour occasionally. He could have them EOW and feed them junk for 2 weekends a month and it would be better than this every single day in the home.

long term I know which is more damaging to them.

Because you are staying they have to grow up with this miserable man 24/7 and an unhappy mum and a tense atmosphere.

you all deserve better.

It wouldn’t be occasionally, it would be the rest of their life. I really worry about how they’ll be. I ask him to watch the kids for a second and they get hurt. He makes comments such as does he have to brush their teeth. And the food problem is the main one. I have to remind him to give them water etc.

Any advice on how to leave without the kids having to go to that horrible man.

You can leave, but he's still their parent. I'd even go so far to say you should leave.

Yes you should leave. He's a bully and I suspect there is more to this. Speak to Women's Aid x

You seem to assume that DH would want joint custody. Are you sure about that?
He doesn’t sound like the hands on Daddy who enjoys parenting. Perhaps he won’t want them 50/50?

I actually think the bigger issue is that you hate him. This will do the children more damage than poor food.
Leave the bastard and try to get over his poor parenting, it's out of your control.

Would he want to parent 50/50 when you divorce? Or would he be one of those pathetic men whose kids visit for 2 or 4 days a month?

Unfortunately OP you have had children with a mean horrible man and they are stuck with him as their father for the rest of their lives 😔 you should leave and it's highly unlikely that he would want 50/50 care by the sounds of it. He'd probably be an every other weekend take them to McDonald's kind of dad. Meanwhile you can make sure they're eating and being well looked after 95% of the time. Don't let your kids grow up in a home where their parents actively dislike each other. They deserve better than that. And so do you.

I wouldn't worry. I doubt he'd want to see the kids. Never ever stay for the sake of the kids f you want to leave. It's a huge burden on them and not fair.

Men like this always want 50:50

Leave. Even if he has them 50% of the time at least you can protect them the other 50%. And they can decide themselves once they reach 12yrs as no court will force them so their exposure will be limited anyway.

You are in an emotional and coercive relationship. He is abusing and bullying you all.

But how many of them actually follow through and take the kids 50% of the time, for weeks and months and years after the separation?

He may threaten 50/50 and even do it for a few days or weeks, but it won't last, especially if it interferes with either his work or his ability to get a new woman.

Any advice on how to leave without the kids having to go to that horrible man.

No, he's their dad and there are already enough fucked up kids around getting caught in the middle of their parent's divorces.

However, you need to leave.

You can't stay married to him simply because you don't like the food he'll be feeding them, during his contact time.

He is right about food at night.
You both either allow snacks or not. To be honest, the heathiest option is no snacks, at least your child eats small portions, so you have to get more in. But I did allow them and a yogurt is a great option. Pizza abd nuggets is not such a bad meal. Just get him used to pair it with salad?
I quite not get the rest of the post.
Bar that you do not like him. The children would see that too....

How do you know he’d want to see them if you split? It sounds like he doesn’t even like them.

Surely it’s better to get them away from him?

Mine didn't. He turned into weird controlling man with no desire to parent, shortly after DS was born. Demanded 50:50 but that lasted one weekend. Hasn't mentioned it since. 😂

He only manages 6 hrs a week most weeks. My DS has had a normal happy childhood free of all this nonsense. Now a healthy six footer despite having unlimited access to fruit and yoghurt.

Yours sounds like a lazy, ignorant bully. Your dcs will cope better, the sooner you leave. Don't stay for their benefit. It really isn't.

No it wouldn't. He won't be feeding them as adults, so it isn't the rest of their lives. Even if he does have them occasional nights, you would be in charge most of the time, because this man is not someone who is going to do 50:50, if he can't even be bothered with teeth brushing etc. If he is as neglectful as you suggest, he will give up pretty quickly on parenting or trying to see them. He won't pursue it in court. He will then find someone else stupid enough to let him impregnate her, claim he was dad of the year and that you are his evil ex who never lets him see his kids. She will be on MN complaining about him later.

Tbh i am not with him on feeding pizza nuggets and fries BUT

• if my kids don't eat their meals (which tend to be healthy, vegetables, unprocessed meats, wholemeal carbs etc) then they don't get to request easy less healthy sweet or processed snacks .

• i don't let them avoid eating dinner then request snacks at bedtime.

Also, I know it's not the main point of the post but half an hour before bed is when I used to tell my kids if they wanted anything to eat or drink, they needed to have it then.

My parents did the same with me and my siblings.

Abusive men tend to go for 50 50 or even full custody o avoid child support. No guarantee that it will be EOW. That's no reason to stay though. If OK has the means to leave she should do so.

OP it will cause your children far more damage to be raised in this dysfunction for the rest of their lives than it will to have some overly processed meals and miss some toothbrishing a few times a month.

@EuclidianGeometryFan Abusive men will stick with 50:50 for the most part, but they’ll drop just enough hours on enough occasions to really ruin their ex’s life. It’s all about winning, they know you want the kids, so they take them away as much as possible. They go for disruption and control

Agree with this.
I do allow fruit occasionally even if they refused the main meal, but not sugary snacks.
However it's a weird stance for him to have if he feeds them junk the rest of the time.