3yo likely autistic

1995SENNDMUM · 23/04/2025 17:47

lwal · 23/04/2025 16:40

My little girl is only young (pre school), it’s very likely she’s autistic. Nursery have raised this. I just think I need a hug/some reassurance.
I worry about her future. I don’t ever want her feeling different/struggling with life. It breaks my heart to be honest. I’ve often grieved the child I thought I’d have as her traits have become more apparent.
I love her regardless. Her quirks make her who she is & I’m sure she, with the right support will thrive but it’s hard.
i think I’ve always known something was different - she’s intelligent, excellent speech etc but just something different. any words of wisdom or am I being completely unreasonable?

Its valid to have grief, it ll take time to be at a point you can hold grief and joy at the same time and its not unreasonable to feel this way.

My sons autistic, 4 and non verbal, don't get me wrong it still hurts at times but honestly two things help me more than anything;
1: Radical acceptance- feel that the situation is painful, that you can't necessarily change how things are and working on having the peace on that in that moment.
2: Only focussing on the next big hurdle for us as a family- they can't really predict your daughters future well this early on, so focusing on the next battle whether big or small is easier to deal with for your mental health sake than thinking about a future they may or may not have.

You say nursery originally raised this, has the senco put a plan into place for her whilst you wait for the assessment? I presume they don't start school until September 2026?

Original poster

lwal · 23/04/2025 17:55

1995SENNDMUM · 23/04/2025 17:47

Its valid to have grief, it ll take time to be at a point you can hold grief and joy at the same time and its not unreasonable to feel this way.

My sons autistic, 4 and non verbal, don't get me wrong it still hurts at times but honestly two things help me more than anything;
1: Radical acceptance- feel that the situation is painful, that you can't necessarily change how things are and working on having the peace on that in that moment.
2: Only focussing on the next big hurdle for us as a family- they can't really predict your daughters future well this early on, so focusing on the next battle whether big or small is easier to deal with for your mental health sake than thinking about a future they may or may not have.

You say nursery originally raised this, has the senco put a plan into place for her whilst you wait for the assessment? I presume they don't start school until September 2026?

Show quote history

Hi. Thanks for your reply/great advice. She will start school sept 26, she will be 5 that winter. They asked an early years person from the council to come & see her. The “plan” was clearly something generically printed as it said “him” “his” etc so was not tailored. The report blindsided me a bit as I haven’t been told some of these things & it sounds like a girl I don’t recognise. She loves nursery, she’s happy there and that’s all that matters to me at the mo x

OP posts:

1995SENNDMUM · 23/04/2025 17:58

lwal · 23/04/2025 17:55

Hi. Thanks for your reply/great advice. She will start school sept 26, she will be 5 that winter. They asked an early years person from the council to come & see her. The “plan” was clearly something generically printed as it said “him” “his” etc so was not tailored. The report blindsided me a bit as I haven’t been told some of these things & it sounds like a girl I don’t recognise. She loves nursery, she’s happy there and that’s all that matters to me at the mo x

Show quote history

Thats good that they've got the early years team involved. I would definetly ask for a meeting with the senco if you feel the plan isn't specific enough.

Original poster

lwal · 23/04/2025 18:03

1995SENNDMUM · 23/04/2025 17:58

Thats good that they've got the early years team involved. I would definetly ask for a meeting with the senco if you feel the plan isn't specific enough.

Show quote history

Ok great, thank you! It’s crazy how different home her and nursery her sound haha x

OP posts:

Alltheoldpaintings · 23/04/2025 18:12

It’s natural to feel scared, and to grieve in a way for the child you expected to have.

Raising an autistic child is very different to raising a neurotypical child and at times can feel very lonely or isolating.

The important thing is - as you say - that she is loved, she is wonderful and that with the right understanding and support in place she can achieve wonderful things.

For your own wellbeing, information about local services, and for the sake of her growing up knowing other autistic children, it can be really valuable to join local charities and support groups, we have found them a lifeline.

neverbeenskiing · 23/04/2025 18:15

It will be ok, OP.

The best advice I was given about parenting Autistic children (I have two) was "get comfortable with parenting differently to your friends and family with NT children, it's OK to say that doesn't work for us". It sounds obvious but it was kind of a revelation to us. Once we accepted that we could do what works for our DC and not compare or worry about what other children their age were doing, just focus on advocating for our DC and meeting their needs, it all became much less scary. Also when it comes time to choose a primary school ask for a meeting or call with the senco, we found some didn't even respond but we found one that was amazing and that's what swung the decision for us. A supportive school makes the world of difference.

Also, my kids have definitely benefited from their ND being talked about openly, casually and positively at home and at school from a young age. They don't feel any shame or embarrassment around it because it's something we've always been open and talked positively about from a young age. Identifying adult ND role models (in real life and celebrities) has helped.

My two are 11 and 7 now. They have their challenges, some days are still very hard but it's gotten easier as they've gotten older and they're both making progress, academically and socially.

Original poster

lwal · 23/04/2025 20:50

Thank you everyone 😊

OP posts:

LuluDelulu · 23/04/2025 22:41

YANBU at all OP. It’s completely understandable and must be so tough. But your love for her comes through your post and you will learn to adapt to the child she is.