AIBU

[leavemealonee]

AIBU to insist my almost 15yo (birthday next month) DD make her own sandwiches for school? All the ingredients will be there. I just want her to be more self-sufficient. She doesn’t like canteen’s food. DH thinks I should be continuing preparing her lunch for her- nothing fancy, just bagel, sliced meat, cheese, cucumbers, lettuce and olives and tomatoes. She also takes little snack (pre-prepared). It’s not that I have no time to prepare this for her, but I think it’s time to teach her some skills.
Do people do lunches for their teens? Or should I insist on her making a bit more effort and go against DH? DH is not going to make her lunch, as ‘he is working’- that is his excuse. I work PT Mo-Fr and do not leave until 10am.

Yanbu.

Apparently it is good for children to do chores, correlates with higher self esteem

Yanbu

My children were making their own packed lunches from primary school age (I can't quite remember exactly how old they were, as they are all now in their 20s). Yes, your dd needs to learn some independence.

I don't think that making a sandwich is much of a skill to learn. Maybe send her up the chimney with a brush instead.

My mother was at work when I got home from school so I was making my own dinner from 11 (I'm not THAT old 🤣) so I can't see making a sandwich being out of the realms of possibility...my 5yo can chuck stuff in some bread

Your dh can make her lunch the night before. I never made lunches in the morning. I made them the night before and put them in the fridge overnight.

That said, I made lunches for mine while they were still in school. Dc1 just wouldn't bother as he's not terribly interested in food. Dc3 wouldn't include any fruit or veg but would eat if they were packed for him. I couldn't expect dc2 to make her own when I was making them for the others.

All three are perfectly functioning competent adults, although dc1's diet is, while healthy, really repetitive. Dc3 will now voluntarily eat fruit and veg 😁

I wouldn't get too hung up on it. If she will make a reasonably healthy lunch, get her to make her own. If your dh insists she needs it made for her, then he can make it the previous night.

I liked making lunches for mine while they were still at school. They were very capable and could and would make family dinners at 15 and would make themselves after school snacks so it wasn't about them learning skills or independence. I think it's probably because they don't need you as much at 15 and it was one way of still showing them some mum love! Like making them a cooked breakfast on the weekend or treating them to a fancy coffee out if we went shopping. They're all adults now and very independent and can all cook.

If you want to increase her independence, are there some household chores you can give her responsibility for? When I was 15, I had to clean the downstairs bathroom & hoover at the weekend, did my own ironing and stripped and washed my bed, cooked some family meals etc. Maybe pick a couple of things that can be her jobs in the house?

My teens maybe their own lunches, if Dh thinks your teen needs them made then he can do it surely?

Yes she should be making her own lunches at 15. It’s part of good parenting to make sure your children have basic life skills and can responsibility for themselves.

My DCs have been making their own lunches since late primary school. They’re both at senior school now and can do very basic cooking, I really need to get them doing more really.

DD is 16 and now does her own washing, and in theory cooks a family meal once a week although that’s a bit erratic.

I'd be curious as to why daughter hasn't just made her own sandwiches by now. too used to being waited on maybe?

It's a no brainer for her to make her own lunch. Ignore your DH and let him make them if he's so worried about her. Honestly!

Does she do any other chores around the house? If not, I think it's also time to add some to her routine. I agree with you that it's good training and character forming. Anyone over the age of 25 (or even younger) here I'd guess was doing chores and making lunches for themselves probably even at a younger age than 15.

They should definitely be able to cook a few meals at 15. Making sandwiches is not difficult.

Do they do other jobs round the house?

YANBU - my 14 year old has school dinners but if she wanted to take a packed lunch I would be saying she could make it herself

Maybe

My DDs made their own lunch from age 11 if they wanted packed lunch. If your DH is that worried about it he can do it the night before or early in the morning.
But YANBU. She's 15 not 5!