WIBU to refuse PP "help" from MIL

[LeBonBon]

I will preface this by saying I'm well aware MIL's get a bad rep on here and I think it's sad when there's any friction in families. I don't actively dislike my MIL but she is a bit bonkers and I'm not sure I can cope with her antics on top of a toddler and a new baby. DH thinks an extra pair of hands would be useful. WIBU to refuse her coming to stay with us to help?

Extra context: unfortunately there is no option of her just popping around every now and again as she lives 4 hours away, and she is talking of an extended stay (she is actually leaving a job at the end of the month and has nothing lined up so I don't know how long she would intend to stay and my DH doesn't know either). I'm dreading it.

She was here for Easter and claimed to be coming to help us out - but everytime she comes she treats it like a little holiday and she has never actually been helpful so I'm not sure what to expect. This visit she:

• Complained every time DH had booked for her, DD (2) and him to do a nice activity (to give me time to rest). Apparently 11am is too early? On one of the days she was told to be ready for 11.30, but decided to have a bath at 11.15. She was late for our wedding (we had to wait for her and FIL to start) so she does have form for this, but it makes me think she can't be relied upon to actually get DD to any activities on time if she was asked to do this next month
• Refused all the food we bought in ready for her visit, so we had to get extra bits in
• Cooked some food "for us" that we were going to eat the following day but ending up eating most of the leftovers herself so we were served miniscule portions
• Didn't pay for anything or offer anything - DH always pays for her without complaint so I guess that is his choice and probably why she likes coming so much!
• Got in her pj's everyday at 4pm to sit on our sofa reading her book. Not sure if I should have taken her reading "This Is Going To Hurt" outloud to my toddler with me in the room personally? Bit strange when you know your DIL is about to give birth!
• Constantly remarked how relaxed she felt and how it was so nice to have a break - I do feel like everytime she comes she feels like she is on holiday (hence the late starts!) and that is the last thing we need with a new baby coming

What would you do?

Say “no” to DH now. Make it stick.

Tell her no. And if your dh insists I would do nothing. I would also expect him to take time off work to entertain her

Was your DH around for this? How exactly does he think having her there is going to be helpful?

I would say no.

He was there. I've openly spoken to him about my concerns (v. awkward for me!), but he always makes excuses for her so I'm at a loss. I asked him tonight what she was actually intending to help us with and he was vague. So I made a joke about her offering to help with DD and how well that would go if she refuses to get up in time for DD's activities.

He seems to think she will step up but I've never seen evidence of this so how can I trust it?

The whole taking a bath thing when she knew what time we wanted to leave was like she was actively trying to be late to make a point? How the hell do you deal with a grown adult that does that?

She doesn't sound like she has been an easy or helpful guest at all, quite the reverse.
So she could well cause extra stress and work for you if/when she visits again after you've given birth.
I hope you stand up to your DH and make it crystal clear for him. She did fuck-all when she was with you last, was rude about food you had got in and was generally a
pain to be around.
If he insists she comes after all then he can do all the work, cook, keep her entertained, the lot.

That's just it though - I don't want him to be entertaining her during his paternity leave, he needs to be looking after us!

I'm going to have to try and limit her stay as I know he won't tell her not to come.

Hmmm I would push the point that you want time alone as a family after you've had the baby. Maybe she can come when the baby is older as a compromise, but not right after the birth.

Tell him you want to be able to sit in your own living room with your tits out feeding the baby, not worrying about his mum. Be as graphic about the postpartum bleeding etc as you need to be.