Why can’t we label food as good or bad to our kids?

[Nosleepforthismum]

I’ve already fallen into doing this with my 3 year old although if I can catch myself in time I use healthy/not healthy. I don’t understand this concept that keeps cropping up on threads that all food is equal and to be very neutral when speaking about food. How do you get around the “can I have another one?” question without explaining certain food is good for you/bad for you?

Good for you/bad for you is different to simply good/bad
No food is fundamentally bad (personal preferences aside!) but too much of a particular food or not enough balance overall is not good for you

Humans need to eat a balanced diet. On their own, apples are good for you, but you can't live off them. Likewise, too much chocolate is bad for you, but the odd bar won't harm you.

In terms of "can I have another one" - there's no need to explain why, surely? Just say no.

Don't you just say no and move on, I've never attached any adjective to food for my children.

They are old enough now to make their own choices and they eat sensibly.

I didn't want them to have any kind of food hang ups having grown up with a parent who was always on some kind of diet it had an effect on me that is still there now

I usually go with ´If you eat too much of X it will give you tummy ache’. True for chocolate, but also for tomato juice which I would definitely classify as healthy in small quantities!
My kids eat meat and fish without fuss so I don’t have to go into how protein helps build muscles, but I would suggest without some of whatever the carbohydrate is that they will get hungry later, and if they don’t eat some vegetables they will have a sore tummy (or get constipated if that’s happened recently and I feel like the full story is warranted!)
Basically the truth in kid friendly format? I don’t worry too much about UPFs, so I just help them classify foods according to macronutrient types and what that can do for your body (energy - satiety, building muscle and bone, helping their digestive system run properly). And I don’t panic about variety, just keep giving them what I want to eat so it’s not the same thing every day.

Just talk about balance, a little of everything is okay, we don't need too much of anything. No need to use good, bad, healthy, unhealthy etc

Tell them we want to save some for tomorrow.

If food is 'bad' then why are you buying it? Why are you giving DC any of it at all?

Because it's better to model everything moderation. No food is bad in itself unless it is poisonous or it's gone off.
There is another post on here from someone who has a child with anoerxia in her situation any food at all that will encourage her child to eat is good.

I do try to just say no but my 3 year old is persistent and in the “whyyyyyy” phase so it’s either some sort of explanation or “because I said so!” which is also frowned upon these days.

We talk about every day foods and some times foods.

Well recently its been Easter eggs by grandparents and family that are driving the pestering for more. Unless I just bin them, he knows they are there…

I say something like "that's enough chocolate for now, if you have too much you will get a sore tummy" rather than saying that chocolate is bad for you.

I have no issue saying too much sugar- I probably don’t use the word bad. Might say too much sugar isn’t good for you.
The only thing I would say to my children is bad for them is fizzy drinks- I’m not
dressing that one up as moderation.

I don’t think you have to maintain some idea that all food is equal; it’s ok (and helpful) to acknowledge that different types of food are different from one another without labelling them as good or bad.

The idea that food is good or bad can result in feelings of shame or anxiety around food. It can lead kids into unhealthy patterns of restriction or, alternatively, it can make ‘bad’ foods something that children obsess over on the basis that they’re overly restricted.

In our household we talk factually about what different foods do for our bodies, without labelling them as good or bad. So I’ll tell my 4yo son that chocolate tastes good and gives us a short burst of energy that we use up quickly, whereas something like eggs and avocado on toast tastes good, gives us energy, makes our bodies strong and gives us vitamins that stop us getting sick.

I tell him it’s important to eat all kinds of foods because all foods do different jobs. So we get to eat chocolate for tastiness and for quick energy, and we get to eat eggs and avocado on toast for tastiness, slow energy, making our bodies strong and getting vitamins.

I present food like chocolate / desserts etc alongside his main meals. I control portions. So tonight I set out his main meal (cheese and tomato pasta, grilled tomatoes and peas) with two little chocolate eggs. He asked for more chocolate when he was done and I said there isn’t any more chocolate just now. It’s ok to portion out foods you want to limit, and you don’t have to say it’s because they’re bad or unhealthy.

I very much disagree with just saying no and not explaining why. How do we expect our kids to learn to make healthy choices if you don't give them the appropriate knowledge about why some choices are better than others? Plus then it also just comes across as parental caprice to randomly say no to things, which I don't think is a good impression to give to a child.
My child had a veeerrryyy prolonged and intense 'why' phase between the ages of 2 and 4 which honestly drove me up the wall sometimes, but I always tried to give her appropriate and truthful answers as much as possible. Curiosity and critical thinking should be something we encourage.

We can. I’ve always been vocal about some foods being good or not good for you. I’ve even declared some edible stuff ‘not food’. It’s not that deep. If someone develops hang ups about food, it’ll be to do with more than labelling it as good, or bad.

"Cookies are a sometimes food"

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PaHkwE7TaNg

Courtesy of Sesame Street

You can still teach them about healthy choices - but I personally would not be trying to reason with a three year old about why they can have another apple but can't have some more chocolate buttons.

Teaching them about a balanced diet and good/bad food choices is something you do over a long period of time (years, in most cases), but IMO children also need to learn that "no means no" and that's the end of it. I don't buy this idea that we need to give them detailed explanations every single time.

Explaining is not reasoning with them. You don't have to get them to agree. But you should make them aware of why you're saying something, otherwise how can you expect them to one day start making their own choices well?
And honestly, it's one more sentence to say. 'No means no' is almost as long. Personally I think it's worth the effort, yes as close to every single time as possible.

My 17 year old ds has autism and learning difficulties. I have to be very careful how I explain things to him as he is very literal and has an amazing memory!

We don't class foods as good or bad - we say that crisps and chocolate are foods we only eat sometimes as it's unhealthy to eat too much of them / but something like veg and salad are foods we eat a lot of as it helps us stay healthy.

Because their understanding of food and what is healthy/not healthy will develop naturally as they grow, providing you as their parents feed them a balanced diet. What you feed them is what will become normal as they get older - it doesn't need to be explained, and certainly not every time.

I suspect most of us posting here were raised with "no means no" and "because I said so" type parenting and turned out fine enough.

Don't you just say no and move on

Well, exactly - that's what I thought - it's how I was raised and is exactly what I say to my friends DC and my nieces and nephews. "Can I have another?" - "no". That's it, lol.

“Balance” doesn’t mean “a little bit of everything” or even “everything in moderation”. For example, “a little bit of arsenic” or “balance your McDs with Burger King”.

I tell my children all the time that certain foods are good/bad for us and that we have to think about this so we can make sure we have a balanced diet. A few treats are fine but alongside a wide variety of other foods.

I even (shock horror) tell them that eating too much food will make us fat… It’s the truth and I don’t see how shielding children from that is helpful.

Really pleased to read a lot of the comments here. I work in eating disorders and the way many PPs are approaching this topic is excellent. Thank you!