50:50 childcare.

[ForRoseSheep]

Hi, can anyone help. My ex is trying to get 50/50 childcare to work around his shifts. He wants him when he’s off work only. And his shifts are 4 on 4 off and then has ten off near the end of the month.

if things went to court, which I presume they will. Would I have to work around his shifts, totally disregarding my own work and responsibilities?

What are your work shifts? If you work full time too I can’t see why they’d prioritise one over the other, it’s suppose to be about what’s best for the kids after all. How often does he currently have him?

32 hours per week. I have to get childcare for fours days when it doesn’t fall on his days off. He does 12 hour shifts two days, two nights. So he’s stating that not going his way wouldn’t benefit the children.

I feel like it’s probably a ploy to reduce CSA.

No, if he wants 50:50, he needs to sort childcare. It's not about what's easiest for him, so he gets all the free time while you get to struggle through the crappy parts.

Unlikely a court would agree.

This is literally what is and has been happening for the past few years. I very rarely have quality time with the kids. I’m burnt out constantly. I don’t get to do anything consistently like go to the same weekly class because of his shifts. We’ve not been together for two years and yet my life still revolves around him.

Absolutely not. The arrangement needs to work for all of those involved, including the kids. If it goes to court the judge may hold a very dim view on him wanting 50/50 but not being able to facilitate it in a way that is beneficial and realistic for you too. Perhaps have a think about what you think would work and what would benefit the kids even if it’s 60/40 or 70/30. Has he thought about school holidays? I bet he hasn’t.

I mean he was off Feb half term and could’ve had them. Instead he went on holiday with the new Mrs.

Am I going to have to see this through and be solid regarding when I will and will not have them. Because as sad as it sounds I’d have them full time. And he knows that.

And if he’s sorting childcare. I.e the new Mrs, does that count as him being able to accommodate those terms? Or could I suggest to the court he’s unable to do that?

He's expecting his new wife to look after the children?

Well, what would work for you? How do your kids feel about it?
I've not agreed to ex's 50:50 demand (which is based on not wanting to pay child support). It wouldn't have been suitable for the children. I'm generally fairly flexible when he does need/want to do something else, but I'm quite firm on wanting routine. He can take me to court if he's that bothered (it's unlikely the judge would agree with him and his solicitor will have told him that).
I refuse to be pushed around with stuff like that. My children's wellbeing is more important than his schedule. I've spent years trying to work around his needs. He's the one, who had the affair and walked out, so he can fuck right off.

Sounds like we have the same ex.

I doubt he’ll get his way. I didn’t work at the time I was going through family court (carer for my disabled son at the time) and the judge poo pooed my ex’s request which was similar as the children needed a routine they understood and could follow. Basically, it wasn’t in the children’s best interests to do that especially due to the youngest being ND. The social worker we had at the time had a lot to do with that as the judge put a lot of stock in what she said (and she was right imo).