maintaining relationship with step grandparent

[daffodill6]

Don't know what to do for the best. My parents divorced when I was 12, father eventually married woman who was cause of breakup;she had 2 children same age as me - '3 daughters now' was the phrase used at the time. Over time 6 grandchildren ensued.

My mother died 3 yrs before DD born.
My father died 4 years ago and gradually contact with the grandma has diminished - telephone contact is neglibible, offers to visit are rebuffed (200 miles apart), emails are curt; to the point where recently 'difficulties'have materialised about us visiting her which are 'family problems'. I and my DD 10 had a good relationship with my father but we are both questioning why we can't be told about these 'family problems'? As DD says - are we not family too? Grandma has told us she is in a new relationship - which I think is brilliant - everyone needs to move on - but I didn't think it would mean erasing all to do with previous relationships.

For DD's sake, not sure whether to continue to bite lip or to say you
Glad of any advice

say **you sorry but it sounds like she has moved on and no longer sees you as family. If she is going to be like that why is it worth bothering? Is it worth upsetting dd over some one like that? or yourself really

Has your DD always treated your SM as her grandmother or rather as her grandfather's wife?

Tbh it doesn't sound as though you are being given much choice whether to continue the relationship or not - your SM's loss but very painful for your DD I'm sure

That's such a shame. I have a step grandmother who married my granfather the month I was born, and is now the only granmother I have. My grandfather has Alzheimer's and is not going to be around much longer, but I would hope she will continue to be in our lives, especially as she will be the only great-grandparent DD will know. I think though the difference is that she had no children of her own, so really sees us as her family, which is great. It sounds as though you SM doesn't feel the same way, which is sad for you and your DD. I would suggest writing a letter to let her know how you and DD feel, and if you don't get anywhere, then you will have to accept that this is how she feels, and find a way to minimise the hurt for your DD.

It does sound as if she wants to move on and doesn't see your DD as a grand-daughter. Very sad for your DD.

Thanks so much for your posts and sorry i've taken a while in reponding. Your response was fairly unanimous and I don't disagree but As others have mentioned It's DD I feel for.
Maybe I'm nieve - can we swop for a grandparent who has lost a grandchild thro' family hic-cups?? !!