To ask if you know anyone who turns any achievements into negatives?

[PinataHeeHaw]

I just told someone a recent achievement and she immediately came back with how I was snappy and irritable at her during the time I was working towards it. She does it every single time I tell her good news.

Years ago, there was still an old fashioned 'know your place' attitude around, thanks to the British class system.

I think it's this with the IL - but it's so inconsistent they want best for DS and DGC but same time sometimes slip into negative - me it's more negative and put downs.

With Dmum well DH says every silver lining has a cloud mentallity - she constantly with everything see problems.

Have also had it with some ex freinds. One lot from DH childhood area they needed to dimish us to feel better I think - our educations were nothing they could have done that - anything good a put down - IL fawned over them calling their kids second set of DGC - so felt like our kids were put in unwanted competition. They dropped IL like hot stones when no longer needed their help with house babysitting - then broke up - and IL never see them or the kids which I think hurt them.

With some uni freinds felt similar but from opposite way they thought us beneath them and constantly needed us there - so very much with the Jones anything we'd done they had done better earlier type thing.

Unbothered and as greyrock is best way with family - friends well phase them out.

My mum too.

First Christmas in my new home after abusive marriage and horrible horrible divorce and she walks through the lounge slagging off the mess of just-unwrapped gifts that I'd been saving up for a year to buy. That was a highlight. Oh, and at dds 18th where I made a comment about how I'd got both kids to adulthood mostly single-handedly, she commented that so had she with me and my sister (but she had soooo much more help from my grandparents, neighbours, my dad contributed financially and we stayed there eow, whereas my kids saw their dad maybe twice a year after horribly abusive marriage and divorce).

There's a similarity between my mum and the Death Eaters in Harry Potter - sucking the joy out of everything. Not sure what she got out of it at all.

Good for you for broaching it. I don't bother because any times I tried were absolutely catastrophic and it turned into a horrible character assassination. It was so stressful and upsetting. Instead, I moved far, far away and don't have to see her much but when I do there is such a lack of joy and life seems to be seen through the bleakest, most bitter lens.

There's a similarity between my mum and the Death Eaters in Harry Potter - sucking the joy out of everything. Not sure what she got out of it at all.

Good way of describing it - I think they enjoy moaning and pissing on other's chips.

It does sometime feel like I can't be excited or proud of anything - then they wonder why they don't seem to know much about me.

It's partly why I read on a kindle without having to listen to everyone else deciding what I should be reading or should enjoy. You just stop mentioning things as don't want to hear the negativity then they get upset when you do and they had no idea.

I find that my mother likes to micromanage me when I'm at home. If I'm going for a shower she will ask if I have towel ready, and as soon as i get out will start asking or if I'm making pasta will ask me did I boil the water first and pre-empt every step I take with questions like I'm a child. I don't know if she honestly does think I'm really thick or if it's a control thing but I've managed to have a shower and have 4 decades of organising my towel situation prior to bathing.

Interesting accoridng to Dmum I can know nothing - whether it's how to nagivate where I live when she visits or how to use appliances I've owned decades.

IL can also be a bit like that - FIL always has to know best.

I can't work our if it's control or anxierty with Dmum - but when kids were younger both sets of DGP were bloody awful - constantly undermining. Now we live some considerable distance away from them both.

No often it was the working class suppressing the working class. As in the song "three nights and a Sunday double time" which slags off a bloke who's working all the hours possible to get on in the world, to afford luxuries like a car.

It comes from the "who does she think she is " school of jealousy. Because the blokes pissed all their money away down the pub.

My mil isn't quite as bad as the ops mum. But whatever my wife's achieved in life isn't commented on or acknowledged, like running her own business, running projects in the bank she worked for...yet her sister (who hasn't had a proper job since 1995 in the expectancy of a big inheritance from her husband's family) arranged some flowers in the church....You would have thought she'd won the Nobel prize.

Yep, my mother. She discounts every achievement I’ve ever had (and some of them have been pretty decent) as they don’t equate to the financial successes of my siblings. Weight was another one of the strings she liked to tug on occasionally to make me feel like shit about myself. I don’t speak to her anymore.