Did I do the right thing?

[LeaderBee]

So over the Easter weekend I heard from my ex, they mentioned that they had been doing something over the weekend that reminded them of me (I know they have a partner now, so presume they'd been doing the thing together) and asked what was going on in my life.

I care deeply for this person, but the relationship ended because of something I did and I have a lot of guilt about this; They moved back to their home country of Australia following the breakup in 2019. We continued to talk every couple of months for quite a while but the last time I heard from them was almost 2 years ago, it is only recently that I have started to be able to get through weeks without thinking about them most days and feeling miserable about it all.

It took me at least 24 hours to respond but I said "It's great to hear from you, I think about you most days but it's been almost 2 years since we last spoke and I find it difficult when we speak, I am pleased you are happy but because of the way I feel about you, i think it is for the best if we don't speak again"

I didn't engage with their questions but got a response that they were really sorry and didn't know and didn't mean to cause any upset and to take care.

Was I unreasonable to get straight to the point and say we shouldn't engage anymore? I think it is genuinely just them reaching out to see how I am and I would hate to make them feel bad, but why after so long? If I am honest, I do want to speak with them again but I also know that i'll feel miserable for it afterwards, so felt saying that would be the best way to protect my feelings.

It sounds like you've done the right thing.

Nothing wrong with your text message. Personally I would.just have replied with a friendly hello and wished them happy Easter and left it at that. But what you wrote is fine.

You definitely did the right thing op. What’s past is best left there in this case, for both your sakes.

You need to protect you. You're priority, not their feelings. I think it is fine to send that message. You are clear on your position and feelings.

I think it was the right thing to do. Once you open yourself up to hearing from them again, you’d be wondering every time your phone pinged. I’ve had that before when an ex from a year ago reaches out and it undoes all the hard work of getting over them. Leave it in the past. If they ignore your polite request then block. You need peace.

I don't think they will not respect my request, this person was very good to me and was never manipulative in any way.

I do feel a little bit that I have hurt them twice, in a way.

I am having feelings that, while I know this is for the best for me, I still don't like the idea of never speaking to them again - If they were not on the other side of the planet, perhaps it would be easier, I feel there would have been the possibility of repairing the relationship with time but it's not like we can just hang out as friends anymore, grab coffee and catch up etc. Brief messages between each other is the only viable form of communication and because of the time difference long conversations aren't really viable either.

I'm 99% sure i've done the right thing and I think i'm only posting because I needed to speak about it.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t think you’d done the right thing for you? Prioritise yourself, and be unapologetic about it. His feelings shouldn’t be your priority. And kindly, OP, if your feelings about him, the breakup and whatever you did to cause it are still unmanageably strong and you broke up five years ago, I’d seek therapy as a priority.

It's not your responsibility to manage their emotions. It's doesn't matter if their intent was not to hurt you, sometimes the intent doesn't match the outcome.

You protect you. You can block someone either because you don't want them to contact you - whether that's because they are pestering you OR because you cannot handle beingnin contact with them. Protect your peace.