child deciding on no contact?

[daisydoo2025]

At what age would you let your child decide not to see a close family member any more?
Reasoning (without outing myself) is mainly family members behaviour - talking negatively about a parent within earshot, taking child’s phone away even when child has asked to text parent good morning/night, making negative comments about a child’s appearance to the child rather than broaching with parent.
lots of smaller things that just build up.
would you persuade to give them another chance after the person being spoken to? If it then continues, it’s it one strike and out?
my son is 11, final year of primary school.

If the family member is not the other parent then definitely don't make them go

My children were 9 and 11 when they had a proper say in a court order. This meant that they were no longer included within the court order meaning no enforced contact.

edit to add- the choice was to no longer see nor have any communication with their Dad.

Who is the family member? It it’s their other parent it’s more complicated, if it’s literally anyone else I’d stop all contact based on that post.

Is it their dad?

If its the other parent I'd say 14 - if it's not the other parent I'd say stop over nights and unsupervised visits immediately.

If it’s a parent, I’d support them to advocate for themselves and agree a contact pattern they were happy with (a day trip rather than an overnight, for instance).

If they are adamant on no contact, and happy to say that to the other parent and any judge or other officials, it wouldn’t be forced at 11/12.

Grandparent I'd guess? I don't think the child should be able to decide on no contact, but as the parent you'd need to weigh up the pros and cons. Certainly don't leave them alone with them.

There's a difference between allowing supervised contact and unsupervised contact - it's easy to eliminate the latter whilst allowing some form of contact. If the behaviour continues to be bad then you will be aware of what's happening.

Yes, it’s a grandparent - who does school drop off once a week.
I’m happy to source alternative child care and suggest the child only spends time there with their other parent, their other parent isn’t so happy with that idea and says it will upset grandparent.

Well if it’s a choice between upset Grandparent or my child being upset by rude comments on their appearance and their parents then I’m afraid Grandparent will be upset and I’d tell them why too. I wouldn’t allow DC to never see them again but contact would be occasional and as a family not just DC unsupervised.

If it was a child at school making comments on appearance and upsetting your kid you’d be round at school calling it bullying and demanding action, don’t let it carry on from a grown adult.

I would explain to other parent that the Grandparent is upsetting the child by criticising you and not allowing him to contact you. At 11, I think your child is old enough for his wishes to be taken into account. If the contact with the Grandparent is during 'your time' then you're well within your rights to make alternative childcare arrangements if your child has expressed a preference for this.

I’d be stopping that immediately then, and explain exactly why.

I wouldn't be letting anyone look after my child that wouldn't let them contact me whenever they wanted. Never mind the other stuff. That is bang out of order. 11 is plenty old enough to have an opinion. If he changes his mind at a later date, then so be it but I wouldn't be OK with him not being able to contact me whenever he wanted. That's outrageous.