Omg am I the CF or is he…. Blaming on hormones!!

[CFoftheyear2025]

Was with partner 9 years didn’t live together due to both having previous long marriages and adult kids still at home but only live a few minutes in car away from each other.
Last year over the months our relationship seemed to become nothing more than platonic after he had an accident affecting mobility, please bear in mind I loved him, still bloody love him and am not shallow enough to ditch someone because of it. However even in the time leading up to his accident we weren’t as close as before and more like best friends that still hugged, kissed etc but no sleepovers.
By beginning of November I had wrestled for ages with my conscience and ultimately decided to have a frank discussion that perhaps although we adored each other we were perhaps better off without the pressure or label of a ‘relationship’ mainly due to a few disagreements then silences (as long as 3 weeks without contact!’) which tbh I couldn’t be arsed with anymore. Mutual agreement to end relationship but be best mates as been through a lot together.
i had a 2 week holiday booked in November with a group of us which he’d also been invited on but had declined months before (no problem) however I hadn’t anticipated how homesick I’d feel and when I did manage to make contact I’d be ringing him for support which he gave in bundles. He was always incredibly loyal, loving trustworthy etc and just hearing his voice helped me count down the days until I was home.
Fast forward to today…. I find out he’d got chatting to a woman a few years ago locally he’d done some work for and while I was away on my holiday feeling miserable they’d had a lunch date….
AIBU to feel miffed after a 9 year relationship ended they’d wasted no time in meeting up while I was away or is it ok because at the end of the day was ultimately my choice to end things albeit just literally a few days before …..
Btw we’re still that close he got me 2 Easter eggs yesterday and I daren’t say what happened on valentine’s 😂
My reaction of saying it really wasnt cool got blamed on hormones as I’m on my period 🙄

Kindly, I don’t think either of you are CFs. You are the one who broke it off with him. He then went on a date with someone. It’s what happens when people split. Did you expect him to wait longer? Or fight harder for you? I don’t get why you think he is a CF for going on a date when he was single.

Not unreasonable . Would he jump into your grave so quickly? Would have been kinder to wait a while

I think you don’t want him but you don’t want anyone else to have him either . You sort of want things to stay the same and if someone else is on the scene you know they won’t .

Neither of you are CFs.
You said the relationship had fizzled out for some time and you were better as friends and it sounds like you are friends. And he had a date after it ended.
You got what you wanted from the conversation which sounds like a lovely outcome to end it before you resent eachother but you have to accept now that you're not together it doesn't mean he won't want to date people.

What on earth do graves have to do with this?

The OP broke it off, he has every right to meet someone else from that moment on.

He doesn't need to be curled up in a ball, listening to Adele.

I'd say it's probably for the best to stop the friendship. The fact you've been through so much means it might be better to be a clean break. You really don't want to feel reliant on him emotionally. Or obviously feel upset/jealous when he moves on. It could impinge on your ability to get into a new romantic relationship also.

TLDR Version:

I broke off our relationship and now I’m upset that he’s gone on a date. AIBU?

Yep, you are BVU.

You broke it off with him. He's allowed to have a lunch date with someone. You are being unreasonable.

Bollocks. The OP ended their relationship. Why shouldn’t he date anyone else? Kindness doesn’t come into it. You can’t dump someone and then expect them to remain single for you.

OP, YABVU. You told him you just wanted to be friends. You leaned on him because you were homesick (on a two week holiday?!). He kindly gave you support. What’s that got to do with him meeting someone else? He isn’t your boyfriend. He’s perfectly entitled to date whoever he wants, because he is single. You made him single by ending your relationship.