To be put off donating / buying because of crying for sympathy

[Tulippilut]

I am a person that will donate what I can afford. I always pay the little extra for charity on the chip and pin machine, or the self checkouts , I have monthly direct debits that are never cancelled. If someone I know starts a business, I’ll support. I try to support small businesses etc.
I am not rich at all, I rent, I live in my overdraft , I’m in debt. But - I get by . I balance and think I have a good ( although stressful ) life. I work hard for my money. So I’m not sitting on a privileged high horse.

But certain things just really put me off. When people seem to think that they are entitled to your custom or your support or try to play the guilt card.

Just tonight , I have seen a go fund me from someone on social media . This person has been through a hard time, financial and not their fault at all. They had a go fund me to try and raise £4000. They are at £800. I wanted to donate something small but it’s nearing the end of the month. This person then messaged me - a clearly mass message - asking me to share the page, I felt this was a hint to donate ( I do not know them personally but they are my friend on social media ) I then saw they shared the post on their page with a message along the lines of “ clearly no point sharing as no one is donating but it’s worth a try” - yet it’s at £800!

I then saw another post from someone who runs a small business - something that people wouldn’t regularly buy, beautiful items but very expensive - moaning about how they’ve invested so much in to the business but no one is “supporting “ them and how people say they will support friends but when it comes to it they don’t buy. This wasn’t a personal account this was their business page.

Both things have really put me off donating and buying ( didn’t intend to buy right now as can’t afford it , but if I were to be in the market for this item I would have chose this person over something mass produced ) .

It feels very entitled and almost begging.

AIBU to feel this way ?

I agree with you. They are entitled and grabby. It’s sad for someone who is struggling financially through no fault
of their own, but it is not the responsibility of all their friends on the internet to bail
them out. Life is hard, some people forget that they’re not the only one short of money.

Agree, getting fed up of the emotional blackmail and general abuse you now see from entitled demanding people.
•Sponsor me!!
•Sign my petition!
•Donate to my go fund me!
•Buy me new furniture/a holiday!!
•I'm having a 'hard time and need a treat to pick me up!!...

You are not unreasonable to dislike these hints and demands but it would be a real shame if you stop supporting the causes that touch your heart because of them. Ignore the ones that don’t get your attention on their own merits. I’d be annoyed at friends trying to sell me their high end products too.

I agree, if your product isn't selling then it isn't a viable business currently and relying on favours from friends is hardly sustainable and more like some of those poor fools trying to sell mlm stuff to everyone they know.

On a secondary note op. It's very kind of you, butI would not be paying anything to charity while I was dipping into my overdraft monthly. It won't do any charity any good to get yourself into debt and maybe end up having to use one yourself.

I too returned from university and found that I had a number of charity subscriptions that I could no longer afford as an unemployed graduate. They weren't much but over a year it added up to a more then I realised. I cancelled them all. Now I'm better off and have the luxury of disposable income and pay significantly more then I did before.

I can't imagine every doing a fundraiser to beg for cash. I just don't understand the mentality. Maybe it's my limited imagination but I can't fathom why you'd do it.

I donate to people fundraising for charity but that's about it.

Long before crowdfunding was a thing, I remember the radio adverts for charity appeals with "crying" actors (do they still do them now?). I would immediately mute them.

Perhaps they should try asking nicely, like John Cleese making an appeal on behalf of hell. "You see, hell is a purely voluntary organisation. We're not doing a popular job."

You won't like my answer.

You are living in your overdraft & in debt.

You are essentially paying interest to support others.

Can all your direct debits debits, stop rounding up and donating until you get out of your overdraft.

Once you have done that, you can start donating again but pick purposely choice causes than are close to your heart.

It's not selfish, it's the best thing for you to do.

This wasn’t a personal account this was their business page …..very unprofessional and silly

Ignore them, I donate to charities from time to time and on the odd occasion to people fundraising for charities but that’s about it

The only thing i do is put clothes in the charity bin.
I dont donate money to anything.

It really winds me up when small businesses do this.

I don't buy because it's a small business but because they have something I like.

I choose a couple of charities to support each year... usually animal ones, I then do a direct debit for a few years, and then choose another. I prefer to support local charities (like local Cat's Protection and various rescue places) than national ones, simply because they don't hassle me constantly and bombard me with literature and begging letters.
I supported Whales and Dolphins for about 15 years, stopped and they then harrassed me for ages which really annoyed me.
I don't support Go Fund Me requests or charity begging for someone to climb mountains or run marathons, ever.

Get rid of the direct debt donations. Don’t add extra at the till. Don’t buy from friends start ups. Stop all money donations until you are debt free. You could donate volunteer time if possible. Put yourself first.

This. Oh, and someone you don't know personally is not your friend, even on social média.

Stop all the direct debits. Never top-up at the till. Never do a go fund me. And don’t “support” a business.

“I do not know them personally but they are my friend on social media”. Why do you have this person as a friend when you don’t even know them? Just unfriend or block them. Problem solved.

There are better causes than the ones you are being asked to fund. And no-one decent would want you to give more than you are comfortable doing so.

Slight aside, but a friend's boyfriend used to train chuggers in techniques to get people to sign up to giving and I know through him that the ethics of the companies that charities pay to do this are seriously off - in that they take big cuts and pay their senior execs outrageously/ spend loads on frivolities etc.

The moral is that you never really know who is benefitting and owe it to your future wellbeing to look after yourself before others.

Please, please stop donating. I say this as someone who works for a charity. We would never want someone to give to charity when they are in debt/their overdraft. You cannot afford to be generous.

Please look at some resources like Money Saving Expert so your financial future looks a bit brighter, rather than the vulnerable, precarious, one pay cheque away from disaster situation you find yourself in at the moment.

Someone has already quoted this, but honestly it is so important OP.

You really need to stop donating money you don't have. If you have debt and overdraft you really cannot afford to donate

I think it's great that you are so supportive, but if you're living in overdraft you should probably just stick to one or two charities and focus on getting your debt down. As they say charity begins at home 😊

You are in constant debt. This is not a good way of living. You cannot afford to be generous.

Pay off your debt and then reassess what you want to pay and where without getting into debt again.

I agree with all of the PPs about stopping all money giving.
While you’re getting out of debt you can give to charity in other ways - your time by volunteering and donating stuff to charity shops.

Echo what everyone says here about debt. Also definitely don't add on at tills, it goes straight into the corporation pockets. They make a one off donation regardless