To think being direct is always better than sugarcoating things?

[TheGreyShark]

I’ve noticed that a lot of people struggle with saying what they mean. Instead, they beat around the bush, drop hints, or dance around a topic to avoid discomfort. But in my experience, this just leads to confusion, wasted time, and unnecessary frustration.

I’m not saying you have to be rude but wouldn’t life be easier if people just got to the point? Whether it’s in relationships, work, or friendships, I feel like honesty - even if blunt - is better than vague politeness.

AIBU to think that people should just say what they mean instead of expecting others to read between the lines?

Most of the time I'd agree with you, but there are times where a little sugar coating can avoid hurt feelings, so is worthwhile.

Yes, hinting is obvious and embarrassing

I think it depends who you are talking to.

If you can’t read people well, or find changing your communication style difficult, then obviously you are better off doing things however you usually do, but if you are able, reading who is in front of you, and changing your communication tactics to fit is usually a better way.

There are some people who can’t take blunt communication, and unless you wish to cut them off, you are better to sugarcoat it.

I think that largely you’re right. But I don’t agree with the assertion that it’s always better to be direct.

Depends on the person and the topic hand, but I think clear communication is generally more important.
However, some live in a culture where expressing a want or need can be considered indulgent or shameful, so it's legitimately difficult to express directly. That where the euphemisms and sugar coating kick in.

Really depends what it is.

"Please be quiet and don't touch the baby because I'm getting him off to sleep now." - fine. And far better than whining that perhaps you just won't see whoever it is again instead of trying to use words.

"Katie has poor handwriting." - could use sugarcoating, or at least shit sandwich it with how clever and thoughtful Katie is, leading into whether she would like a handwriting practice book as it would help her with writing stories if she improves speed and tidiness, and end with what a wonderful imagination she has.

Honesty is always the best policy.

However little white lies are fine.

I do t mind people being honest but the phrase “don’t mean to be rube but …..” always makes me think the person does intend to be rude and blunt rather than constructive.

Depends on the situation/gravity. IMO if you have the privilege of a healthy nervous system and have had the early training/ability to identify and verbalise your feelings easily, ideally you’d be conscious of that privilege and treat others with kindness and patience accordingly.

It depends. The problem with people who pride themselves on being "direct" is that sometimes this turns into giving their unwanted and unasked for opinion on absolutely anything, no matter whether this serves any purpose or is constructive. Sometimes it's better to say nothing at all.

Hugely depends on the context. Sometimes, taking the time to be diplomatic is much more effective than being blunt. Other times people don't actually need to hear another person's blunt opinion on their life and how they're living it.

Not totally related but I deeply believe most women would benefit from being more assertive

A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.
Proverbs 15:1-2

The trouble with that is that some people will only take away from that converstation how wonderful the teacher thinks Katie is, and totally miss the bit about handwriting.

I'm not on the autistic spectrum but have relatives who are and it's made me more aware of how difficult it is to pick up unwritten rules and social cues. Far better to be direct - polite, yes, but clear. Hints can be ignored or missed or misinterpreted.

Yes! I've been on MN for a long time and I found it extremely refreshing to see how directly most women here communicate and advise others to. 'No is a complete sentence, OP', for example, and 'Tell them That doesn't work for me'. I've found it helpful.

I think the key thing is to express yourself accurately, albeit kindly and politely. The English can be very poor at that - it’s like the endless jokes that an English person saying in the workplace “That an interesting idea” is code for “what a stupid suggestion, never mention it again” and “sounds fun, I’ll get back to you” means “I have no desire at all to do that”. As a non-British person who has now lived here for many years, those jokes are so true, and I see it all the time on MN when people get so upset that someone else hasn’t picked up on hints. Eg, “my friend keeps inviting me to X, I always tell her I’m busy, why doesn’t she understand that means I don’t want to go and she should stop inviting me?!”, without realising that actually she hasn’t told the person she doesn’t want to go at all! Whereas someone Dutch/German/American would just say that. No need to be rude, but express yourself clearly and say “thanks for thinking of me but that isn’t really my cup of tea so I don’t think I’d enjoy it myself. Hope you have a great time though”.

Yes! So true.