What are you 10/11 years olds like?

[MidoriNoRingo]

I have a 10 nearly 11 year old girl and I am really struggling with her. I try everyday to start the new day with her and be positive and always promise myself I'm going to have a nice time with her. But pretty much everyday I just end up telling her off about something or having to go on at her about something and it's getting to the point where we clearly don't want to be around each other much anymore. I love her a lot but I am finding her really hard work.

I know I have always generally found this age quite irritating so maybe it is just me.

Some examples of things today that have just kind of ruined the vibe:

Caught her wiping a bogey ono the bathroom tiles and just leaving it there
Having a shower and taking all of the lids off of the conditioners and leaving thenm in the bottom of the bath along with big dollops of conditioner allover the tiles.
We were cooking together and making some chicken chunks. She was breading the breading the chicken and just decided that she would throw one into the pan, splashing hot oil all over me.
I asked her to put her washing away this morning and she's just turned the basket upside down, Not really sure why.

It's just constant stuff like this. No one listens to me when I need to have a moan because she's very mild mannered and generally very sweet but she is just very lazy and does things without thinking.

I do worry that maybe this is just normal and being too harsh but it's causing me a lot of stress atm.

Pretty much exactly like this, it's like a mature version of toddler stage. Lots of boundary pushing, hormones all over the place, brain easily distracted.

I think it's tough as they are becoming mini adults but their brains are still very much in development. And our homes are their safe spaces.

I have one like this and one not. It’s not my parenting. One will just find a way to do stupid shit and you can’t possibly legislate for every low level nonsense thing he might come up with. I pre warn of expected behaviour as much as possible but then he’ll find some random thing to do that you never imagined (like blob conditioner every where or turn the laundry basket upside down - I mean how can imagine you will need to say not to do that????) I often compare parenting him to playing whack a mole, once you’ve stamped something out another thing comes along…..

I am still very much in the throes of it with him but along with that he is so sweet, loving, funny, silly, kind (and lazy and thoughtless sometimes). My other one who wouldn’t have DREAMED of blobbing conditioner out into the shower is organised, disciplined, driven, helpful, type A. I have a feeling my youngest (the silly one) will end up the happier and my eldest the more “successful”. It’s just a personality thing I think and the only thing that helps when he’s having a particularly aggravating day is lots of snuggly cuddles and close physical contact and reminding myself very hard of all the good things he’s done that day and just reconnecting with him.

The other day he got up and came downstairs quietly by himself, tidied his room, wrote a beautiful poem for my mum, did his hand writing and times table practice, made himself a sensible breakfast and then woke me up with a cup of tea (he’s just turned 9, and this absolutely unthinkable six months ago). He then did some stupid shit a bit later and I really bollocked him - then I remembered all the brilliant stuff he’d done that day and apologised and we had a cuddle and I gave him lots of praise. Just having to keep reminding myself actively of the good stuff as the good stuff was the normal stuff with my eldest and I’m guilty of not always noticing it.

I also very much notice that not enough fresh air and not enough sleep really impact, he’s so much more delightful after ten hours sleep and a bike ride!

Oh god I have one too.

My DS (now 12) as nothing like this but my 10yo DD is hard work. She can be the sweetest, most loving little lass but she is also very unpredictable.

@FedUpandEatingChocolate sums it up perfectly. It's a horrid mix of hormones and testing boundaries as well as learning to navigate the world as a soon to be young woman and all that comes with this.