Never allowed to just be tired

[TheNaturalBronde]

This is a repetitive issue with my DM but wondering if anyone deals with this.

If ever in conversation I mention I am tired it’s met with imo a disingenuous level of concern and lots of questions as to why I am tired. I find it rude and implies I don’t do enough to deserve to be tired.

for context I’m a mother of 3, late 30s
am overweight so yeah could be fitter , trying to eat better, take B12 vitamin D etc I work full time in a job that it’s very challenging physically & mentally and then run a house , help my DF out who is disabled (parents seperated)
my DB is mentally disabled and my DM naturally 30 years ago, had not an easy time raising him lack of sleep ., support etc

And implies that because of this I should not be complaining of being of tired because think of how tired she must have been 🫤

I work in the SEND sector and becoming annoyed , essentially told her the other day it’s not a competition
,but I have 20 odd DBs essentially to care for then come home to my second shift, and I have more children than she did it would be weird if I wasn’t tired!!!

she went quiet ,
and responded with “well you don’t have to tell me about tired you remember! “
(give me strength) I love my DM dearly I don’t remember her being such a tommy top it!
if you’ve read this far thanks , any suggestions on how to stay sane and not make it worse?

It is so annoying!! I totally get you. It’s not a competition as you say and she could at least acknowledge how hectic your life is. My own mother does the same. Don’t think she has worked since she was 43, she left home at 8.15am and was home into the house at 5.30, 15minute commute. Cleaner three times a week and she talks about how exhausting it all was. When she got home at 5.30 she would get into bed for an hour and I would make the dinner as a teen. I could do a 15 hour day and massive travel and when I say I am tired she is like I know what it is like working. Just wish she would acknowledge that this is much harder than her working life.

If she asks how you are, i’d just reply with ‘fine’. Not worth the conversation if she is going to insist you shouldn’t be tired.

Yes sounds similar i think there’s a level of attention seeking there but why im
not sure.

That’s a point
I can imagine I’d get what’s the matter? 🤣
such a lovely caring DM in lots of other ways but it’s driving me mad.

My DM hasn't worked since she got married, so 50 years. She's lived a lovely life of leisure. Tbh she did very little for anyone except herself, including not much parenting. I'd get myself off to school because she'd already buggered off to the gym, I didn't ask for extra curricular activities because she wouldn't drive me, and she even had a fit she had to miss her Friday activity for my high school graduation ceremony.

Yet she still asks why am I tired? Why is my house not spotless (hers isn't either!). I hear how she had no help raising us, etc. and how I should pick a large cleaning task a week, and take our DC to all these walks & places she's been with her friends. She also complains we don't do more for her like her friend's kids do!

She just has no idea. These days, I'm rude. I remind her I don't have the kind of free time she had. I have to work, DC have activities, and weekends are our only time to get things done! And I have zero help!!

These days she's now taking the DC a day a week on school holidays & has stopped picking me so much. As she knows the response!!

That must be infuriating Mermaid well done you telling her straight
my DM does still work not retired yet

You are allowed to be tired and say it without being made to feel a certain way or as if it's a completion

My DM is also like this - she is semi retired and works two days a week. I work full time with a toddler and heavily pregnant. Whenever I say I'm tired she says "me too" and has some reason why it's worse for her. Drives me mad