Not paying half

[Livia515]

DH decided to book holiday for us, I had agreed few weeks back was a good idea to go as Father-in-law very unwell. DH booked waited until the very last minute holiday then told me afterwards. DH snapped other night and said I should pay half and he didn’t want to spend his money on it (it’s not usually our thing) I have very little money of my own and wouldn’t choose to spend it on this at all.

Why did he book it if he didn’t want to spend his money on it. Who’s paying for FIL?

So when he suggested it, was it made clear that you would be paying half each or were you expecting him to pay for it all?

Not sure why FiL being very ill means that now is a good time to go on holiday?

I presume father in law is paying for himself, he is going with his other son as well.

No he didn’t mention me paying anything at all.

FIL already had holiday booked with other son, so we are joint them. I suppose it’s about spending quality time while they/ we still can as it is a terminal diagnosis.

Tell him to either cancel it or bog off on his own with them then.

Ah right, sorry. I didn't realise that it was a holiday for all of you, I thought it was just you and DP.

No no don’t apologise :) thanks for replying! I should have been clearer in my post!

Thanks yeah :) he tends to make out like I’m being unreasonable so thanks I need to hear it!

Is his dad's diagnosis causing him to behave like this?

If this is out of character I might try and have a conversation with him but if not then tell him to bugger off without you.

Blimey, you have my sympathy. He sounds like a lousy husband. There's no such thing as HIS money, you're married - it belongs to you both/to the family.

No real advice sorry, but your DH sounds really unpleasant.

Why don't you have much money? Do you usually pay half towards holidays? If so he may have assumed you'd pay half as you agreed to the holiday.

I suppose it depends how you normally split holidays.

If every other holiday is something where you’ve split it, then I can see why he didn’t specifically clarify that when asking about this holiday. But if normally it’s decided case by case, then that’s different.

Yeah I think it could be that he is upset, which I understand having been there myself. Having said that, he has tendencies to be like this anyway so I think it’s just being exaggerated!

Thank you, it’s the way he says it as well like I’m awful and woe is him! If he asked me nicely and fairly I could have considered it all properly. I spend all of my money on our family anyway!

As pp said if you are married then it's not really his money and your money: it's family money.
If you don't have much money of your own is because of the way the family finances are usually organised OP?

I work part time at the moment. Yeah that is a good point, I would normally contribute to holidays this one is just UK and not something I’ve ever wanted to do/ go etc.

Yeah good point! We do normally split holidays but this is somewhere we wouldn’t normally go - tbh it’s somewhere I’d never ever choose to go.

Are you paying bills in proportion to your earnings?

yeah out finances are seperate, I pay a little bit more of the bills I think.

Hard to tell sometimes I feel I pay more.

If you don’t want to spend what little you have just tell him to go but I think your finances need looking at. Do you have a joint account for house stuff? We have separate accounts but have a joint one that we both pay into and anything like this is paid out of it including presents for dc or clothes etc.