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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My dad has a coldsore, I have anxiety and a 2 month old - AIBU?

8 replies

Toadhall44 · 21/04/2025 10:56

Hello,

This is an occasion that I want to be told I am being unreasonable. I am also a terrible daughter.

I have hypochondria, postpartum anxiety and have also lost a baby, born sleeping, at 33 weeks in the past. I struggle with worrying my living babies are safe and healthy all the time.

My dad has had coldsores since I was a baby. He gets them about once a year, if that. He started to feel the start of a coldsore on Friday, but wasn't sure of it as he had no tingling, and so decided not to tell me about it as he knew I would worry. However spent the entire day with my toddler while I stayed home.

He does not kiss my baby (2 month old) as its a rule I've passed on to all my family. However, when I saw him on Saturday he may very well have touched my babies face and definatly cuddled my toddler. He also kisses my toddler but not sure if he did so on Saturday.

Yesterday he came to pick us up to celebrate Easter Sunday at my famalies house. First thing he says "I may have a coldsore". He keeps touching it and I say "stop touching it!". He goes to wash his hands and then touches it again. Eventually, I said "dad it's not your fault at all, but I can't afford emotionally to worry about this all day so we won't be coming". I felt so guilty - it's not his fault he has cold sores or that I have anxiety. (Well, he plays a part, but that's a lonnng story)

Once he left, I disinfected all the door handles and washed everything he touched. I messaged him to say I loved him and that it's my anxiety that's the issue and not him. I must have made him feel so bad about himself.

But now here I am - I am so so worried my baby will catch it and something terrible will happen. He may have touched her cheek on Saturday. He defiantly cuddled and heald my elder daughter. And I can't be sure but I probably cuddled him with face close to mine as

I am trying really bloody hard with my mental health but things like this throw me off.

Update - I have therapy, medication and everything in between to support this. I know my reaction is not normal or healthy BUT here I am. Im someone naturally inclined tk be anxious, who has also had some pretty shitty cards played in the past. I'm trying my best.

Do you think my babies will be okay?

OP posts:
Bigearringsbigsmile · 21/04/2025 10:58

I think your babies will be fine. Have a cup of tea and try and think about something else.

Inmydreams88 · 21/04/2025 11:01

Are you seeking help for your issues? As this isn’t normal x

QuickPeachPoet · 21/04/2025 11:04

Please get help OP. This is no way ti live and you are going to ruin your own life, your relationships and those of your kids.
It’s not your fault but only you can take action

AprilShowers25 · 21/04/2025 11:05

Firstly I think you are sensible to limit contact while he has the cold sore so don’t be worrying about that.

The chances that any contact happened between baby and the cold sore is low, the chance of catching a cold sore when not in direct contact (such as kissing) is low, if they do catch it the chance of it developing into anything serious is low. I have cold sores for 20 years and my husband and kids have never caught it so far, I don’t kiss them with it of course but they will touch things that I have touched.

anonymoususer9876 · 21/04/2025 11:07

You have done everything you can to
limit risk. However, are you getting help for your mental health? As an anxiety sufferer myself (both meds and therapy) I’d very much look into how you can control your anxiety as much as you can. Anxiety is awful and we need all the help we can get to try and limit its affect on our lives.

DrummingMousWife · 21/04/2025 11:09

Bless you OP. You need some therapy to help you get over this anxiety. You know it’s not normal, you just need some help to get through it.

badgermushroomm · 21/04/2025 11:11

YANBU at all imo. He should have told you he had a cold sore coming on. Of course you don’t want your babies being infected. Perfectly normal!

Don’t feel bad, he should have been more considerate, and you’ve been very considerate of his feelings in how you’ve communicated.

dementedpixie · 21/04/2025 11:20

He managed not to pass them on to you from childhood until now (or you do carry the virus but don't get the sores).

My dh gets them sometimes but I have never had one and neither have my 2 children (now 18 and 21).

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