to think my parents might have phoned this week?

[BroccoliSpears]

Just to see how I'm getting on. DP went back to work this week after paternity leave and it was my first week by myself with a toddler and a newborn.

Would it really have killed them to give me a call?

We've never fallen out or anything dramatic, they've just gradually drifted away and take no interest in anything I do. It particularly gives me the arse when I see all my friends' parents clucking around, helping out and thrilled with the new baby.

My parents didn't send a card and have no plans to visit.

Hmph.

yanbu.i would be upset tbh.

YANBU. I would be feeling sad too.
Do you live very far away from them or having siblings?

YANBU - I would be very pissed off, are you close to them usually?

YANBU. I would be upset too. However on the plus side I think being thrown in at the deep end although stressful will mean things get easier quicker. I had a section with ds2 and so lots of help for 7 weeks which was great but for at least the last 2 weeks I was dreading having to manage on my own so much it kind of spoilt it! Then it wasn't as bad as I expected.

Good luck. It's f*cking hard work but gets better quickly (like 1) and is very rewarding when they start interacting (my 2 from about 5 months - a lot earlier than I expected!)

Gosh,how thoughtless!
Are they far?
Have they seen the baby yet?

YANBU. I know how this feels, with my first DC, my parents did absolutely nothing. They didn't phone or visit (and we have a happy relationship). I remember when DD was 1 week old, I was driving the 1 hour journey to see them because they needed their mobile phone fixing. That's all they were interested in. Its only now (5 years and another DD later) that they are starting to take a larger interest. They don't babysit or help out, even on the rare time they offer there are always restrictions -what time are you coming back, don't be late etc. Pisses me off, some people have it so much easier, but there again, so many have it so much harder. It made me a stronger person in the long run. I'm independent and rely on no-one but my DH.

Message withdrawn

Yes, I'm okay. No, they haven't seen the baby. Their loss because he's absolutely scrumptious!

I suppose I should stop hoping that they will take an interest, and then I'll not be disappointed.

I've always thought that we were close and had a good relationship, but the longer I am a parent myself, the more I find myself questioning that. I suppose it's different because my children are little, but I can't imagine ever losing interest in them completely just because they're grown up.

Anyhoo. I have a sleeping baby so must go to sleep myself as he probably has a busy night planned!

Can I come and see the baby?!?! (veeerrry broody atm)

Your parents should have phoned, but you may have to get used to their disinterest. I can't imagine not being interested in my dcs children. In fact it is the bit I am most looking forward to. However, when I had my dcs, it took me years to realise that my parents, who had been ok as parents, just weren't interested in my dcs. It broke my heart but you do eventually move on.

Why don't you invite them?

aw, Broccoli, so sad for you.

how old's your bubba?

that's a shitter... something very wrong with them obviously.

i have one set of grandparents who are keen but toxic so we don't see them and another who have a lack of real interest so we hardly see them either. it's rubbish but at least we don't have anyone sticking their oar in. i have a newborn and toddler also so i know how big the workload is (mahoosive). X

totally crap, i don't understand the parent thing either, like you said. I swear I coudln't imagine treating my dd like that.

Selfish.

How HAS your week been????

Oh BroccoliS - I really feel for you. I was desperate for my mother to take an interest in dd when she was first born; it really hurt me that she didn't. My brothers and sisters are better but not great. It's partly the nature of my family, and partly modern life (we live abroad) and the fact that they all have their own problems ...

exactly same situation as Macaroon really. over-bearing and interfering in-laws & distant and aloof mother.

I usually phone my mother once a week, but once as an experiment I decided to leave it to wait to see if she would call me. After 9 weeks with no phone call, it was me who cracked ....

I can really identify with your sentence, could have written it in fact:

I've always thought that we were close and had a good relationship, but the longer I am a parent myself, the more I find myself questioning that.

In some ways, now I am a parent, I understand my mother's frustrations MORE, but where it counts, in terms of unconditionally loving your dc, I understand her methods and motivations less and less.

I know it's not much comfort, but as DiscoDizzy says, you do get 'hardened' to it eventually.

Broccoli, that's very sad, but like you say, it really is their loss.

Fannybanjo, that's a great name

I did ask them if they had any plans to visit gagarin. My dad got all hurt and offended and said "Of course we're coming to visit darling". I said great, and that I was only asking as they hadn't mentioned anything, and he said that he would have thought it went without saying that they'd want to visit. Which is great. Umm. Except for the bit where they have absolutely no plans to actually visit.

Baby is nearly 3 weeks old. Yes, you can come and coo over him Chrisnow! Although he's pretty enormous, so don't expect a teeny weeny newborn.

Countingthegreyhair - 9 weeks? I sometimes decide to wait and see if they will phone me too.

I am expecting less from them as time goes on, and minding less too. I did great on my first week by myself, so it's not as though I need them.

mmm, your dad's reaction definitely sounds defensive (ie guilty) to me ...

All credit to you for having such a good start with your gorgeous new ds - good on you!!!! - but I think you are being a bit too tough on yourself (if you'll forgive me for saying so) when you write "it's not as though I need them".

You may not need your parents for practical help, but it's only natural that you need them "emotionally" and want to share your happiness with them. That's normal and (should be) one of the joys of having children .... . I think if you try and deny that you'll find their lack of input/involvement harder to overcome (if you'll forgive the pop pyschology).

That's been my experience anyway ... I had to allow myself to sort of "grieve" for a bit if that doesn't sound too sacharine and self-indulgent ...

It really does get better over time though and I've helped it along by encouraging dd in a few relationships with "grandmother" and "aunt" substitutes. For example, she is very close to my dh's ex-cleaning lady who is a lovely Spanish woman with a huge brood of children of her own who dotes on dd and makes her feel really special, whilst knowing us so well as a family that she's not afraid of telling us her opnions on things either. It's a really "real" friendship. Also, one of my friends has become a substitute aunt to dd. I now get as much vicarious pleasure out of dd's friendships with these much-treasured 'substitutes' as I would from her relationships with my own family. Sorry to ramble on but it's really helped.

Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful new baby x