To be endlessly grieving

[LaTristezaDurera]

… for my parents? I lost both of them a few years ago and I can't stop feeling sad. Whenever I'm alone (even just for a few minutes) I start welling up. They had very good, very long lives, peaceful endings and we had a great relationship. I know it's all in the course of nature and that it's irrational for me to be sad all the time, but… here I am. How do I get out of this?

I think you need bereavement counselling. Cruse is one organisation that provides that. Google might provide more.

I’m sorry you are stuck in the early stage of grieving and I hope you find help to move forward.

You hae that level of self-knowledge. Now think about what else is going on that grieving for your parents stands in for.

How intense is the grieving? Does it stop you from doing things you want to do, or living the way you want to live, or achieving, changing etc etc?

It could be a very good 'excuse' for something else.

I think talking to a professional counsellor or your gp would be helpful, this isn’t normal.

it’s perfectly normal to grieve older parents immediately following their death and for the first year being pretty sad at their absence especially on key dates like Mothering Sunday, Christmas etc. but ongoing it changes from complete rawness to happy memories with just occasional points where their absence is more dramatically felt eg my mum felt the loss of her mum particularly on the day my dd was born as we couldn’t share the news (it was 18 months after she died) whereas welling up isn’t good as you realise. Perhaps a support group?

my dh did find the first Christmas hard but got through wedding speeches ok, raising a toast to his recently deceased mum and others who have passed (including pets)

I lost my mum in Jan 2023 and there are days I still really miss her in quite an overwhelming way. I’ve been made to feel that I’m too slow in getting over it by a colleague who lost her second parent around the same time I lost mum. We all grieve differently and had different relationships with our parents that you can’t judge what is right or wrong.

For you, having so many losses in a short space of time probably means it’s hard to unpick the grief for each person from the others. Be kind to yourself and take each step slowly.

I have to say that in my experience a year was nowhere near enough time to grieve. My father died 7.yrs ago and my most beloved aunt who was like a mother to me died a few months later. I am still sad and think of them every day .
I think I was numb for the first year or two to be honest. I have a normal functioning life but it is only recently that I feel like the blanket of sadness is lifting at last. For me the hardest bit is the realisation that your life as it was is gone forever. You will never have those birthday / Christmas / whatever events with your loved one again.
We are all different of course and deal with bereavement in different ways. It takes as long as it takes OP. And you h0ave had a lot to deal with . Sorry for your losses x

OP grief doesn't go away but it should lessen over time. I think if you are feeling sad daily or whenever you are alone you should seek counselling for your own benefit. I'm sorry 💐

Loosing a sibling and your parents is a lot of loss.
Sounds like you are stuck in your grief.
Grief counselling could be helpful and an outlet for you.
I'm so sorry for all your losses.
Take care.

I think it’s really ignorant to say ‘this is not normal’ to someone who lost 3 significant close family members in a short space of time not that long ago. It may not be YOUR normal, but it is a completely reasonable grief response.

My Dad died just over 2 years ago OP and I'm still very much grieving his loss. He had a horrific battle with cancer and I still have bad dreams about it. I did however have very good bereavement counselling from the hospice he was cared for in, and that's given me some pretty good coping mechanisms.

You've lost both parents, and it's perfectly normal to feel that huge loss. You've lost your roots, your anchor and I'd go easy on yourself for it.

OP. This may sound odd but when my mother died I found consolation in poetry. In particular this one https://www.poetryinternational.com/en/poets-poems/poems/poem/103-13607_DEATH-IS-SMALLER-THAN-I-THOUGH