To allow 16year old to stay

[Stinkysmellysocks]

My daughter (16) has a friend (platonic) who has a difficult and abusive home life. He is 16.
Police are involved and the parent was recently arrested but released.

I recently found out about this and have said he always has a safe space here.
tonight his parent was drunk and aggressive, he was scared to return home so I’ve allowed him to stay at ours. Separate rooms and beds.

As he is 16 he surely does not have to return home if he is at risk?

my view may be biased as I had an abusive upbringing and can’t help thinking of if I had someone in my corner at that age, I may not be as messed up as I am. So if I can help give him some safety maybe I can help him come out of this just a little less traumatized.

so AIBU

YABU: He should return home if his parent says he should

YANBU: It’s ok to let him stay to keep him safe.

If police were involved, are social services aware?

I think on Tuesday you should contact his school/college for advice.Tell them it's a safeguarding issue.

That is great advice, thank you! I will do that.

We did the same for one of DS’s female friends who wasn’t safe at home at 17 however I contacted the school, who put SS in touch with us and visited to check she was ok. She stayed with us for 8 weeks before moving into a semi-independent foster placement.

He's very lucky to have you to provide that safe space for him, you're doing the right thing.

That's kind of you. It sounds a tricky situation so hope school or college are helpful

You are doing the right thing.
A 16yo has sufficient maturity to have a say, and if any child doesn't feel safe with a parent they must not and should not be forced to stay with that parent. As pp say, talk to social services and the school asap. Do consider your own boundaries and ensure that your own children aren't being disadvantaged or put at risk. As a survivor of a traumatic childhood yourself, you are vulnerable to making unwise decisions due to projecting your own issues onto others, so do make sure you talk to others and keep doing sanity checks on your decisions. However, if you and your family are ok with it there is nothing wrong with helping this vulnerable young person.

It is great that you can have him stay for the night.

have a think about what might happen in the longer term? Would you be happy for him to stay for months? what would you do if he stayed a few weeks but then you needed the room for a visitor?

As a poster above said, talking to social services and getting more support for this kid would be very helpful.