Addressing cards/gifts to husband & kids only

[Loftyheights21]

We received an Easter card and gift today from my husband’s cousin. For reference, we see her occasionally and seem to get on well. She does spend a lot of time with my MIL who doesn’t like me (although we visit weekly and are always courteous to each other). The reason MIL and I don’t get along is largely due to the fact that I have been forced to put some boundaries in place (related to bad mouthing me/the kids and making nasty comments).

Anyhow, both the envelope and card were addressed to my husband and 3 kids, but no mention of me. There was a considerable amount of money inside. Husband and I have not had a chance to discuss as it was opened in front of the children and he has since been at work all day.

Am I reading into this? I feel this is deliberate and nasty. AIBU?

just ignore that, but why on earth do you spend so much time with MIL?Let DH take the kids and have a few hours for yourself.

That’s awful behaviour and I wouldn’t be bothering with the Cousin in future. Keep being civil with the MIL but don’t go out of your way for things. Do the things you want to do with your family. I would also talk to your husband about your feelings I would be hurt if he hadn’t knocked this on the head already.

No need to see nasty people whether you are related or not...
And thankfully you aren't even related to them so enjoy some peace at home when dh takes the dc to visit them. And if you do the Wife Work for Xmas and birthdays you damn well stop that now..

Yes, excluding you send deliberate. Is it normal for them to send so much money? Will DH see it as family money or his?

I agree with the others - let your DH manage his rude family , step back.

I don’t understand what drives people to make sly spiteful moves like this, but it’s really unpleasant.
The Easter gift you should give yourself now is to pull back from the lot of them.

I've never sent it received a card for Easter but that's just rude

Well use the money for an activity you all like. Then YOU send an mms with all of you smiling (you in the middle) thanking her. That way she will either think you're so clueless that you don't understand her dig or that you have understood but is now telling her it didn't work.

Yes, it sounds deliberate. Send her a message back saying how much you enjoyed the spa day/new dress/handbag she paid for. Even if you spend the on something entirely different.

We always give her a nice gift at Christmas as she helps out with MIL. But it is always sent from all of us, as is the card. DH will absolutely see this as family money.

I do think it’s awful. Yes, I will bring it up to him. I can’t really understand why she would do this. We’ve never had a cross word, we’re always pleasant to each other. All I can think of is that it’s come from MIL

I’d send her a thank you card with a picture of the most expensive thing you own and sign it just from you. Twat.

It's petty and childish. I would ignore and not give her the satisfaction of a response. I'd also drop back and let DH deal with his shitty family from now on.

We would send a nice thank you note signed by me.

And I would let DH spend time with his mother. No way I would call in weekly if I didn't like her.

Looks deliberate. I'd send a thank you note signed by all of us with my name coming first, and if this is a recurring thing then I'd be tempted to do the same and send smartshow 3d videos for Christmas and other holidays that mention everyone but her, but then again, I'm petty.

its obviously deliberate. I would let DH deal with it and focus on things you can change at your end - I would start with spending less time with MIL. Why on earth would you see her weekly, esp given the history....

I’d stop seeing your MIL at all. Your h can see her with this dc or by himself.

And the cousin? Absolutely deliberate. Your h should speak to her, tell her how rude she was, so she knows you’re presenting a united front.

My instinct was to ignore her pettiness but to have DH give back the money and tell her we could not possibly accept such an extravagant gift. Thoughts??

I think that would be quite petty too. Why not accept the money and use it for your family as it is intended? Otherwise you are letting them lose out to spite her.

Send a thank you message signed by just you saying that you’ve decided to put the money towards X for the family - it’s so generous of them, we’re so grateful etc etc. Lay it on thick. If it’s calculated nastiness on their part this will enrage them. Brilliant!

Maray1967 this is exactly what I have decided to do. As I see it, it’s been done to make a point/hurt/annoy me, so why give her what she wants? I’ve written a super nice card thanking her. 😂

Oh the joy of having stange Outlaws!
I am with my DH for over 20 years. DD is 7. If they could they’d deny my existence completely. Probably the reason why I never get a birthday card. I am German. DD has a German name. 5 letters and nothing challenging pronunciation wise. But they pretend constantly that they can’t call her by her name as it is too foreign. I am very happy to say that all the other people that know my child are super intelligent humans and therefore can pronounce her name just fine. You know, you can get your knickers into a twist about every bit of nasty they deliver. But it’s not worth it. Nor will it change anything. Just let them get on with it. It says far more about them then it does about you. Also, as their expectation of you are very low anyway you might just go anlong with it and do whatever you feel like doing. No more stress or hassle. Step in when their behaviour spills from you to the kids. They don’t need to be poisoned by crap like this. But do not give them
the satisfaction and let them know that their efforts are actually carrying fruits and that it indeed effects you. They want to hurt and would love nothing more than you throwing your rattle out of the pram. Don’t play into their grubby hands. Enjoy your family and be happy without them - that achieves more than confrontation ever will.
And never forget how absolutely fabulous it is that you are not genetically linked to them. And if the kids play up ( hanging upside down from the ceiling pretending to be bats or anything else questionable that they will deliver ) you can always blame their paternal family for obviously passing their odd traits on to them. You can then have a very smug Mama moment and smile knowingly.

Good for you! Have a good laugh about it and spend the money!

Better - tell her the money is going specifically towards something just for you!