To think it’s impossible to keep a house clean and tidy with small children

[Kindersurprising]

Unless you have a big, wipe clean, new house with a utility room, garage, big bedroom for each child etc

I live in a 2.5 bed Victorian terrace (third bedroom 1.7m wide!) with no garage, no proper garden (courtyard) and no utility space. All we have is the small cupboard under the stairs and a small attic. The house is old, and hard to make look nice/fresh - gloomy narrow corridors, sunlight doesn’t really come in properly. On top of this it feels impossible to keep on top of the kids mess. I cleaned the place from top to bottom 3 days ago and it already looks like a shithole. The worst offenders are:

1. DD’s bloody ‘crafting’ materials. Cut out bits of paper and newspaper fucking everywhere
2. Crumbs and food smears. Doesn’t matter if I put a bib on DS and wipe him down, some food will find its way into the rest of the house.
3. Mud from the buggy which obviously lives in the hall, and the kids welly boots. When it rains I want to cry
4. Fucking LAUNDRY. We have a tumble dryer but can’t run it all day, we don’t have a utility or space for a proper outdoor rotary line so we have bags of the fucking stuff everywhere constantly in a state of waiting/drying/needing rewashing

Every time I hear somebody say ‘oh it’s not hard, quick clean here, quick clean there, put a bib on them’ it’s somebody with a big wipe clean new build with tons of storage.

ITS IMPOSSIBLE IN MY HOUSE! AIBU

Thanks for the kinder comments! I think I’m feeling a bit sensitive as we had a play date last week with somebody with the ‘big, new house’ set up, and I just felt so self conscious about how shabby and dark ours looked compared to her big spotless one. She didn’t say anything at all it was all in my head but it just feels relentless and like the effort I put in is no way reflected when people come round.

We don’t have 3 bedrooms; we have 2 and a 1.7x2m box room which will only hold DS’s cot and a tiny chest of drawers. And a tiny attic which is about 2m by 3m really isn’t enough for Christmas decorations, camping stuff, baby items which are between children at the moment, bigger Xmas presents people have got the kids that we just don’t have the room for downstairs etc

Under the stairs is hoover, mop and shoe rack and no room for anything else. There’s nowhere we can just put things, everything is on display and it just feels so cluttered.

We spent a fortune getting new floors and painting only a couple of years ago and already it’s all coming apart and stained from the kids and general use. I know it sounds silly but it feels like the house just fights me on a daily basis.

We wfh so the dining room doubles up as an office and craft area for DD. It’s a total fucking pig sty and I must clear the table and convert the room into its next use about 5 times a day at least.

It’s just exhausting and a bit depressing. The Easter holiday has made it worse as the kids have been in the house trashing it all day!

Even if people do notice the mess, they're not necessarily judging you for it. And I bet there are people who wish they had your full, lived-in home. I know that probably doesn't make you feel better when you're trying to manage it and it feels relentless. 'Stuff' everywhere is the worst. But you're definitely not alone and I think our situation is far more the norm than anything else.

It’s hard if you don’t want to be/literally can’t just clean and tidy all day long. If I helps I have a utility room and a garage and big hallway to store all the stuff and my house is still constantly a state. I’m surely you’re doing a great job, it doesnt need to be ‘perfect’.

It's impossible to keep it clean and tidy all the time, yes.

A big clear out and some clever storage are the best ways to achieve clean and tidy for as higher percentage of the time as possible.

But it won't ever be tidy consistently, not with kids. That's impossible in any size house.

It IS possible to have a clean and tidy house with young children…. When they aren’t there!
You’ll get some people who had lovely, chilled out children they could hoover around without even waking them from a nap telling you that of course it’s possible! Then there are people with other types of children in your corner.
I’ve just read a comment about having a cordless vacuum to deal with crumbs. Well I do, in fact, have a cordless vacuum…. And a toddler who is terrified of it and screams in fear if she so much as sees it. So yes, I can deal with the crumbs with my cordless vacuum when she isn’t in the house. The trouble is her not being in the house means she’s at nursery, which also means I’m at work and not in the house to clean it.
I’ve just accepted this is my lot until my children are older and able to entertain themselves while I get stuff done and even help with housework in some ways. But toddlers are not conducive to a tidy home. Once you sort of accept your fate it makes it easier to deal with, and then just fantasise about getting your nice, clean home back when they are older to keep you sane.

I was lucky enough to move from our small house and remember the frustration well. Wall hooks and high shelves might be the way to go. Kids wellies can go on a high shelf or a very narrow storage shelf. Large boxes, those suitcase style ones can go on high shelves for less frequently used stuff. The buggy could in theory be wall mounted. Pinterest is great for ideas

Big clear plastic tubs can be used for toys, arts and crafts and anything else. They are not pretty but can be stacked 3 to 4 on top of each other and accessed by the kids.

Be very very strict on tidy up, the kids can do it, they just pretend they can't. I work with 3 yr olds and we are extremely strict on it, if you don't tidy up you don't get it again and you have to stay tidying and miss out on other activities etc. Within 3 days they can all tidy up perfectly, I wish i had known this when mine were little.

If DD is old enough for crafting then she is old enough to have a strict system for separating items and tidying them. Work in progress things can be kept on plywood and kicked under a couch.

We had storage boxes on each step of the stairs against the wall and then waist high storage on the half landing. I bought pretty ones and it helped a bit. It made the stairs narrow obviously but it was better than the alternative. We had large laundry baskets in every room so they only made their way downstairs when it was time to be washed. I think you might have to admit defeat on the laundry and keep a clothes horse in your kitchen or sitting room. We had our couch pushed back against a wall to make our room larger but found it worked better when we pushed it towards the centre of the room and could hide things like a clothes horse or toy boxes behind it. That way the mess was out of sight when we sat down to watch TV.

It took me ages to realise that cleaning was actually the last step, not the first. I used to feel like I was constantly fighting fires — tidying all day and still ending up with a mess by the evening.

I always thought the answer was more storage or a better organisation system — baskets, shelves, labels, the lot. But none of it really worked long term. Things still felt overwhelming.

What actually made the difference was decluttering. The times my house has felt the most manageable have been when I’ve stripped things right back — just the essentials. I’ve learned we just can’t cope with loads of toys and stuff. As soon as there’s too much, it all unravels.

One of the reasons the homes on Sort Your Life Out always look amazing is because they get rid of so much. And I totally get it now.

Once I started properly decluttering, I felt so much lighter — and the kids did too. The house felt calmer, and I wasn’t constantly picking up after everyone. I still do a proper clear-out every few months to keep it that way. It’s made such a difference — way more than any cleaning routine or storage hack ever did.

People who love you, probably don’t even notice. Acquaintances it doesn’t matter.
I had 3 boys and peak age for mess was around 4 iirc
Don’t be hard on yourself, you have a newborn. Hygienic is good enough.
i found( and still do) baskets give a semblance of organisation. One in the living room, with “ stuff” thrown in at the end of the day, then sort when you have a spare minute.
with such young DC, getting through each day. Feeding and watering everyone is an achievement.
Floor clear as much as possible to avoid a trip hazard
I never did this but you could put plastic bags on pram wheels( nappy bags might work) before bringing it inside.

I lived in a similar house when mine were small. I second the decluttering. One day when I was feeling particularly overwhelmed, I just chucked all of the photos in photo frames we had on shelves and the mantelpiece into a big box - along with a load of stupid fucking fiddly ornaments that I didn't even like - and shoved it in the attic, where it remained for several years. No one noticed or missed them.

I also invested in one of those Ikea Kallax shelving units. I don't think they make them any more but I got the 6 x 6 one second hand on facebook. It took up the whole of one wall in the dining room but it was so useful. Everything just got put in there at the end of the day. And for any overspill, I had a big basket in the corner. It was a great day when we were finally able to get rid of it, but it served us well.

Never figured out the endless laundry problem though. We just had a Lakeland heated airer permanently on in our bedroom. Not ideal but at least it was out of the way of the communal spaces.

They will have a cleaner/housekeeper for sure.

Thanks I’m grateful for all the tips.

our hallways are really narrow beyond the slim radiator cover shelf there is absolutely no scope for shelves, a tallboy or similar. I have to keep a certain level of tidiness as I have a 2 year old (25 months rather than 34 months I mean!) who likes to pick up small objects and will still occasionally put things in his mouth. He’s also a climber so any boxes or small tables look like parkour to him. I can’t take my eyes off his for a second as he will scale anything in the room then leap off (been living on my nerves for months with this one).

I declutter ruthlessly but the kids get endless amounts of stuff for birthdays and Christmases and relatives live locally so would notice if we gave away a large gift they’d given us. Plus it would be a bit mean to just give away presents before they’ve had a chance playing with them.

I’m not aiming for a show home and wouldn’t really want to live in one but living in a house covered in food smears and crumbs and smelling of mud and damp puddlesuits get me down

That's three bedrooms. Just because you don't feel it's big enough doesn't mean it isn't a room large enough for a bed.

Why is this relevant?
If the boxroom is 5ft by 6ft wide, once this child is too big for a cot they'll effectively have 2 bedrooms and a cupboard. We had a boxroom that was also 5ft by 6ft and it didn't fit a single bed because the door wouldn't open.

Maybe just focus on one small area a day—trying to keep the whole house perfect with little kids is exhausting. Even a little tidy-up can make it feel more manageable.

It has been a while since I had small ones, but I think in your circumstances you can do clean, or you can do tidy. You may even be able to do both, some of the time. But both all of the time? Give yourself a break. Start teaching the LOs to put things away in boxes before bed (even if it is only at few things) and hopefully as they get older it will get easier. Other than that, just enjoy it. They are only little for a short while.

The fucking craft stuff / drawings. My 4 yo will go through about 20 pieces of paper in one sitting and then want to ‘display’ them all. Heartbroken if you suggest putting any in a drawer 😒