To wonder if it's acceptable to brag about money if people are being disrespectful in the professional setting?

[ThatBlueViper]

This came up yesterday and seemed to split responses down the middle. As a petite non-white ultra-high achiever from a regular background I often have to deal with varying degrees of disrespectful behaviour, normally from older white men.

I have tried various things over the years but nothing, and I mean nothing, puts a stop to it like pointing out the behaviour then making a very direct comparison e.g. if you're going to keep talking over me like you're smarter than me, please explain why you have far less money than me?

I'm not going to deny that it's rude, confrontational, nasty etc but it reliably stuns people (especially men) into silence and they are never disrespectful again. AIBU to think it's ok to use this line or variations of it in a professional setting?

I can foresee the remark a bigot would make back to you, it’s risky as it won’t stun an actual bigot.

Personally I find a disconnect helps bear, and if it comes to it a calm refusal to work with someone unless they are respectful towards me

Soooo “I’m smarter and richer than you”.

They don’t stop because you’ve suddenly stunned them into respect.
It makes you sound like a high schooler tbh.

I understand the feeling behind it but it's pretty cringe.

You're equating having money with being smarter or being more valuable. It's problematic.

Also how would you know someone has less money than you?

I'm not sure. I don't think it's at all unreasonable to point out disrespectful behaviour - especially when you believe it is coming from a place of misogyny and/or racism.

However, do you really think how much you earn is directly related to how clever/smart you are? Do you believe money is the only measure of knowledge, experience and success? I'm not sure I do. Although I do believe you when you say your approach shuts up the people you describe, so maybe it doesn't matter!

Why do you think smart = money?

You don't sound very informed about a multitude of things tbh.

I think it makes you come across as really unprofessional and not classy. It’s the sort of thing someone who is very ‘new money’ would say. I think it stuns them into silence because it makes you look so bad. I’d try something more like, why do you insist on being so rude and talking over me?

if you're going to keep talking over me like you're smarter than me, please explain why you have far less money than me?

You say this in real life? 😳

It's odd, crass and cringy. They're probably 'stunned into silence' because they're:
A) Internally amused
B) Think you're a bit tapped in the head
C) Dealing with their overwhelming cringe on your behalf

It's really, really not the clever or admirable put down you think it is op. If I heard you say this I'd think you were a sandwich short of a picnic and one to avoid.

Point out the disrespectful behaviour. Trying to pull rank by bragging about your earnings looks weak and a bit mad.

Just take the higher ground, say nothing stay calm and zero reaction is more likely to shock them.

Ive had to say a few times in meetings when I’ve been spoken over “as I was saying before I was interrupted”

I’ve also had to say “sorry I don’t believe I asked for your input at this current time”

I just speak to them like they are rude children most of the time, and yes it’s always men 50+ but in my industry the colour of the skin makes no odds they are pretty much the same.

the money thing makes you sound like the school playground tbh. Like my bike is better than yours, it lowers you to their stupid levels.

I completely agree with the sentiment and find that I actually get younger more junior men talking over me which drives me mental. None of the quiet deference that is afforded to other senior men is afforded to me. I’m actually quite shocked at how condescending and dismissive they can be to me.

that’s said, I think it’s gauche to put people down for not having as much money. Can’t you put them in their place by mentioning your expertise or authority rather than their bank balance?

That will only work with people who equate money with intelligence and equate success with being wealthy.

Yeah. Go for it I say. Whatever shuts them up. So what if it’s disrespectful?

I'd say it's only partially true but that element of partial truth is probably why it's so effective.

Donald trump has more money than most.

definitely has more money than me, yet I am fairly sure he is way lower on the intelligence scale.

having money does not bestow intelligence.

You can normally get a rough idea from the size of their company or seniority/size of company if not an owner. it's not like it has to be true anyway...

I think it is a bit crass but if it is the only thing that works for you then go for it.

what happens if you say ‘please stop interrupting me’?

But I think your argument will sound really stupid to the people you're saying it to, as you have no idea of their other investments, property, additional income, etc.
Find a different argument to put them in their place!

It varies depending on the person but it could range from a genuine apology to not even being acknowledged.

Or how would you know they’re less intelligent than you?

I quite commonly come across people who make assumptions and are often quite rude and patronising in conversation.

it’s quite entertaining to watch their thought process when they discover I have a science PhD and work in research.

unfortunately academia means I have less money than most as well 😂

It shows you up as crass and ill mannered and in the professional sector I work in, this would be noted but not in your favour. This is because my sector puts an emphasis on manners and professionalism. We deal with a lot of hnw individuals and your behaviour would get you sidelined very quickly.

They could just say "Sure, I'm sure you got a large niche-fanbase on Onlyfans.." and what would you have gained? It's better to stay dignified and just look at them with disgust without saying anything .

I wouldn’t equate it to money. And you can’t always guess how much money they have. Because you will look like a tit that turns out not to be true. And money doesn’t always equate to being more intelligent.

I find (mixed race female director in male dominated industry) it’s easier to just call them out directly. ‘Do you realise how you come across when you talk over me and try to act like you know more when this in my area of expertise?’

‘I am interested to know why you assumed you know more than me about this?’ And so on

Might be better to equate it with pay and seniority like

”I’m more senior than you with the salary commensurate with that so once I’ve finished speaking I may invite your input”

white male privilege, old and young is a serious problem.

I don’t think there stunned in to silence for the reason u think
you’ve just made yourself look ridiculous that’s why they are stunned into silence