Coercive Control?

[CheekyPombear]

My husband who is much older than me is a nasty control freak.
He goes out every night to a pub and comes home late.
Tells me im fat and stupid.
I dont want sex with him ever but i have to to keep him quiet.
He made me go to one of his family events when i was really ill.
Forces me to go to occasions where his ex will be there as though he revels in it.
He has hit the side of my head with a phone.
I have been diagnosed with depression.
Keeps me away from my family he only sees his family never mine.
He known im depressed but doesnt care. He even said he will tell my doctor im a liar.
Will the police or medical services take this seriously.

You need to leave him asap

Get yourself out of that situation. Do you have family or friends you can go to?

Women’s Aid will help you leave. Don’t put up with this any longer, you are worth more. 💐

Ring the police and contact Women’s Aid or another local domestic violence charity- your local police will have details.

Yes, you are being abused and coercively controlled.

You need to leave yourself asap or get him out asap.

He will say “look at what you made me do “. Er, no. If he doesn’t behave like that with his boss or his mates, then he doesn’t do it to you unless he is happy to. And he is happy to hit you and rape you and upset you. Doing those things puts him in his happy place. He likes it there so he won’t stop on his own.

There are places that can help but you have to start. You have asked on Mumsnet and that’s the first step. Huge congratulations to you. I know that’s a big step. Step 2 is coming up. Deep breath and make the phone call.

Tell us when you have done that and we can support you.

Police will absolutely take you seriously. I'm going through it now. Arrested, charged and bailed with set conditions not to enter my village or contact me. 6 months in amd he is stilllllllll trying to have a hold over me via his parents and the kids.

He's now trying to divorce me and force me to sell the family home. Just adds to his financial abuse traits as he cant get at me any other way now.....

What is keeping you there, do you have DC together, are you financially dependent on him. What would happen if you told him you were visiting your family for the weekend, you need to reach out to them for help.

So sorry you are in this position with an abusive partner 😔 please do contact Women's Aid, they will help you make a plan to leave safely and can support you in reporting him to the police.

You will get taken seriously and supported every step of the way. If you can’t bring yourself to call women’s aid (I couldn’t) report to your local police online the domestic abuse. You fill out a form. It asks you when it would be safe for them to contact you and they will take a statement. After that they will refer you to organisations including women’s aid who will help you. Good luck. You can do this. Be brave.

Im also worried that i wont get a divorce settlement.
He always says its his house i will be lucky to get a few thousand.
The house is worth around two hundred and forty thousand.
Will i get legal aid etc.

Please resolve to yourself that you will from now not believe anything he says. On this , he is likely talking complete bollocks.

You have been signposted to places that will help. Please reach out for the help. Mumsnet being anonymous has too many limitations.

You will get legal aid if you claim a benefit such as universal credit. That is honestly the least of your worries. I know you can’t see that now because you are trapped. It took me 26 years to leave, please end it now. You can worry about divorce and the financial settlement when you are free.