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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To call out this so called friend

14 replies

shortsharp · 19/04/2025 23:30

My husband said it was one of the most awkward moments of his life. I think my so called friend deserved it.

my friend lost her dad many years ago. We’re 42 now and her dad died when we were 18. I spent a lot of time with her when it happened. Obviously attended his funeral and was generally just there for her.

we kind of drifted apart in our 20s but kept in touch on instagram as our kids are pretty much the same age. we’d message and keep in touch.

about 5 years go I found out her mum had died suddenly. I contacted her to offer my condolences and attended the funeral. After the funeral I kept in touch and we went out for coffee and few times. She mentioned that no one else who had been in our friendship group when we were younger had really done anything beyond offer their condolences and she appreciated the coffee catch ups and messages.

anyway, my dad died in February very suddenly. I never heard a peep from her. I thought she maybe hadn’t heard and tbh I wasn’t really in the frame of mind to message a lot of people to tell them.

i bumped into her today in the super market and the first things she said was “oh I heard your dad died…” tbh I saw red and said to her “I’m really surprised you’re comfortable admitting that considering you didn’t bother your arse to even message me. When your own parents died at least I had the decency to not only message you but go out my way to make sure you were ok.”

My husband looked at me mouth open and she had the good grace to look embarrassed. I said to her that I was busy and walked on.

tbh I’m quite glad i said exactly what I thought.

OP posts:
DinaofCloud9 · 19/04/2025 23:32

If you're glad you said it then that's fine. Nothing to regret. I'd feel the same myself to be honest.

I wonder if your friendship will continue.

BlondeMummyto1 · 19/04/2025 23:32

Eek!! I think you were very unfair.
You’ve obviously not been close so I don’t think it warranted being so rude.

comealongdobbeh · 19/04/2025 23:33

YANBU at all. I’m so sorry about your dad, I hope
You’re doing ok x

chamberay · 19/04/2025 23:34

Don’t blame you for calling her out. A lot of people wouldn’t but you were well within your rights because she massively let you down, when you were a good friend to her during her hour of need

BlueMum16 · 19/04/2025 23:35

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope she reaches out and apologises.

shortsharp · 19/04/2025 23:35

BlondeMummyto1 · 19/04/2025 23:32

Eek!! I think you were very unfair.
You’ve obviously not been close so I don’t think it warranted being so rude.

i think not being able to pick up a phone to drop someone a text is rude.

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 19/04/2025 23:35

I think you're fine. You just spoke the truth, she should have reached out to you and she should feel bad. I wouldn't have had the balls in a million years to do the same but that doesn't mean I think you were wrong, you just outright told her how you felt.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 19/04/2025 23:37

Maybe she hadn’t heard straight away, maybe something else had been happening in her own life. Your friendship has changed and drifted over the years so I’m not sure id have thrown her own parents death back in her face. I can see your point but I think it was unkind and an overreaction. I’m sure many will disagree though!

stayathomer · 19/04/2025 23:38

I don’t think rude was the word but I think you were unfair without hearing why she hadn’t been in touch, but I get you just saw red- but there could have been any number of reasons-maybe she has a thing about death now, maybe she was in hospital or going through something huge herself. Maybe she thought you wanted space. Sorry for your loss though

PandaPeacock · 19/04/2025 23:39

You absolute Queen!! I wish I had the guts to say that to a few people when my Mum passed.

Freshflower · 19/04/2025 23:40

It's very wrong of her to not be I touch with you but I think equally wrong of you to start bringing up about the passing of her parents and how you were there for her. It could have been said honestly but not as harshly.

shortsharp · 19/04/2025 23:41

stayathomer · 19/04/2025 23:38

I don’t think rude was the word but I think you were unfair without hearing why she hadn’t been in touch, but I get you just saw red- but there could have been any number of reasons-maybe she has a thing about death now, maybe she was in hospital or going through something huge herself. Maybe she thought you wanted space. Sorry for your loss though

id hardly say dropping someone a message means you’re not giving them space.

OP posts:
DinaofCloud9 · 19/04/2025 23:41

PandaPeacock · 19/04/2025 23:39

You absolute Queen!! I wish I had the guts to say that to a few people when my Mum passed.

Yes, I agree.

Screamingabdabz · 19/04/2025 23:41

I think you were spot on. It’s really painful when friends turn out to be pathetic let downs. Sorry for your loss.

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