To feel so miserable about this air b and b? Or are my expectations too high?

[Hiaa]

It’s supposed to have 4.75 rating on air b and b.

it’s £130 a night but in the north so not the most expensive area and this seemed like an ok amount to spend to get something decent.

the shower is like someone is dripping luke warm water out of a plastic cone. The towels are crispy and hard. It’s very dark. No central heating (we should have check this to be fair) so there’s lots of heaters to turn on and off and it takes ages to heat up. There’s weird notices around the property warning visitors not to touch this or not to move that… never known anything like it!

The living room is dark and sofa uncomfortable. Despite all this it has some great reviews. It does have a nice garden and things like a bbq and it’s reasonably big. But I can’t actually believe anyone would think this is a decent stay, especially for this cost? I wish we had just spent an extra 30 a night and been somewhere nice.

Feeling miserable and DP thinks I’m being ungrateful.

Video everything and post it to YouTube.

DP thinks I’m being ungrateful.

Ungrateful to whom? You've said that your party has paid for the stay, and it sounds like it was market rate for the place described, and the actual space provided fell short of the description as you understood it. You weren't invited to stay for free or given a drastically reduced price as a personal favour?

Of course you have a grievance, whether or not it will bear weight legally or commercially. What does gratitude have to do with it?

I have a friend who goes round with a finger to check for dust in an air bnb. She majorly complained in the last one we went to, whereas I couldn't care less, it was cool and characterful. So you are probably not being unreasonable to complain.

^We were offered champagne and a free clean while we were out.

Actually Airbnb provides a huge amount of protection for guests, they will back up a guest over a host any day.

And yes, people like you are not suited to Airbnb and should always stay in hotels.

Totally appreciate your frustration!! I’m currently trying to “advise” a friend on how to make her flat more Airbnb friendly. The resistance on spending just a small amount on improvements is staggering. Put it ALL in your review!!

£130 may seem a lot for 'the north' but it all depends on where / what you've booked, especially if you are there now during a peak booking period.

£130 in somewhere like the Lake District, Harrogate, Chester, York, Durham, Northumberland coast, or any of the cities like Manchester, Leeds, Liverpool, Newcastle etc would actually be quite cheap over Easter - even for a one bedroom property. Any more than one bedroom in these areas and I would be lowering my standards considerably.

4.75 out of 5 is a good rating, although reviews are subjective. I usually go for anything 4+ (4.5+ if there are lots of reviews) but I check the pictures and details thoroughly.

Water pressure can be an issue in lots of houses, regardless of location, so I wouldn't be worried about the shower or the uncomfortable sofa. The central heating is on you, although Airbnb only lets you filter by 'heating' in general so I suppose you know now to check in future. The notes does sound to be very annoying and I would definitely add this into your review so others are aware.

Often people are too polite to offer true feedback as we don't like to offend, but the owners rely on it and can't make changes if they don't know issues exist.

We recently stayed in an Airbnb and were disappointed so didn't give it a five star review. We received quite a nasty email from the owner basically having a go at us for not giving her 5 stars! We don't use Airbnb much anymore as a result.

Disagree. We have stayed in many over the years both UK and abroad. Would return in a heartbeat to every one they were all superb and very comfortable with one exception.

Agreed.

AirBnB ratings are skewed high, I don't think I'd consider a property with under 4.85 stars (even then, it can be spotty).

I also always look at the negative reviews first and search reviews for words that would bother me (like, damp, mice, dirt, etc.).

OP I'm sorry it's disappointing 😞

Pretty much as others have said, scrutinise photos, read all reviews and avoid anything below 4.85. Weak shower and weird notes don’t sound great but I’d be amazed if others haven’t commented on this in reviews. Make sure you leave an honest review but don’t let your illness/personal gripes make it worse than it really is. I love an AirBnB

I don't understand all these people consistently staying in bad airbnbs. I've stayed in loads and never had a truly bad one. One or two with niggles but nothing awful. I've given a couple of 4* reviews (which by Airbnb standards is a low review) when things have been broken or less comfortable than I expected but usually if you read reviews you can filter out low standard places.

the caravan parks on the coast cost 3 times as much

Exactly. Mil always said we were extravagant staying in air bnbs, cottages etc when we could get a "nice caravan". Every caravan park we looked at in our preferred areas was dearer than a cottage!

Our last few haven't been that great.

As a host you can be kicked off the Airbnb platform if your average rating falls below 4.7. In other words 4.75 is not a good score. To be on the safe side you need to look for 4.85 at least.

I stay in Airbnbs quite a lot, and I've never had a really terrible one, though I do sometimes book places with lower ratings than 4.75 - mainly it's been for overnight stays where I need to stop off, though, and not for longer stays where I'd be looking for something a bit nicer.

You have to read through the reviews and bear in mind that guests (a) tend to be generous, and (b) can give both public and private feedback. So if I have issues with a place, but it pretty much matches the listing and the hosts seem like reasonable people, I would point out the issues in the private feedback, and give a factual review and a lower-than-5-star rating for the public bit. What you have to watch out for is a series of 4* reviews that say very neutral things like 'this is a spacious cottage in a convenient location' but don't mention any details about what it's actually like to stay there. A bit like lukewarm job references where the boss isn't allowed to slag off the candidate, but there's nothing enthusiastic in there.

I love Airbnb. I've stayed in dozens all over Europe and only had two lousy stays and one of those was my own fault. I've got another dozen booked in France and Spain for touring holidays later this year. Not keen on hotels, except Paradors in Spain, as we like to self cater.
We always do quite a bit of research, check if a property is also listed elsewhere, cost comparisons etc. Try to book Superhosts, min 4.85 rating but usually higher and read between the lines of reviews, short bland reviews tell you it's nothing special! Filter for words like noisy, cold, traffic etc whatever you don't like. Usually street view too.
I review in the same way as BarnacleBeasley.

The thing I find annoying is that it feels risky to give a bad review because they might give you a bad review in return. You can try and warn people in your review while avoiding all-out criticism. Things like "The towels were very exfoliating".

They can't do that; you don't see each other's reviews until you have both submitted one, or until the deadline for reviewing has passed.

I took my kids to a highly rated airbnb. Couldn’t figure out the shower -either scalding hot or cold, despite calling the host and her explanation that they were soon to replace the boiler but I should be able to set it somehow. Plus there was a low beam right across the middle of the kitchen which I manage to hit several times a day. And despite being ‘dog friendly’ upon arrival we found out this meant they had to be confined to the kitchen, and not allowed even in the living room. I have to confess we ignored this rule. But worse was that even though it was explicitly stated that ‘we want you to treat this as your home from home and will not intrude’ they actually did, several times (once to water the garden, once to take the bins out -I told her I’d take them back in but she insisted on coming back to do this, and again to take the fire extinguishers off for testing (and returning them). Ugh. I was in edge the whole time expecting her to drop in at any moment. I’ve also stayed on nylon sheets, chipped and mismatched crockery, poor WiFi and broken dishwasher.
I run my own Airbnb (lodge in a holiday park before I get dragged though the mud for having a second home). I had a friend stay to test it out and make sure everything was good. Guest one ‘complained’ that they couldn’t eat anything in the welcome basket as they were vegan (which I didn’t know, and the basket had milk, butter, cake). Not ‘thank you for the welcome basket which unfortunately we couldn’t enjoy’. I don’t advertise that I leave one. One person got a bit miffed that they were asked to put their out of control dog back on a lead, even though I state in my ad that dogs must be kept leashed when using the grounds.
One person said they didn’t have enough towels, even though a set of two towels was left for every occupant, and extras were in a cupboard. All this they put in reviews.
I don’t think there’s any excuse for poorly working shower, chipped dinnerware, dirt, broken anything. Things can go wrong and needs to be fixed immediately but ongoing issues? No. I hope you alerted the host that the shower wasn’t working properly, though it being dark is unfortunate (and the towels- I think you can leave a ‘private’ review just seen by the host so mention it there).

Most are not rubbish. Some are rubbish. And sometimes a hotel isn’t what people want.
if you are travelling as a family and the presidential apartment in the hotel is beyond your means then an Airbnb can be more suitable than parents and kids all over the place or jammed in a room together

What are you not allowed to touch?

OP I’m dying to know what all those handwritten instructions tell you to do / not to do

Totally disagree. I have lost count of how many we have stayed in here and abroad and they have all been great and almost all cheaper than even Travelodge!

Me and DH much prefer Airbnb to hotels. Don't like being told what time breakfast is, don't like the noise (we have never stayed in any hotel, even expensive ones, when there has not been guests coming back early hours of the morning and talking at the tops of their voices, slamming doors etc.

We like have a proper flat or house not just a room. Lots of hotels only have one chair so you have to sit on the bed to watch tv which is so uncomfortable. We like a proper settee, a kitchen so we can cook if we want to, a dining table if we do want to eat, outside space. Hate being cramped in just one room

I've only ever had a great experience with Air BnB and have done loads. Maybe I've been lucky but I always check:
Decent number of reviews and check what they are actually saying (e.g. if people have commented that there was no milk on arrival then you know);
Forensically examine all photos and the amenities list - i ask if I'm not sure about something;
Location - wouldn't chose something remote without checking what would be there and/or bringing essentials with me (TBH if it's self catering would you not be bringing food anyway?);
I usually go for Star Hosts only.
You have to put a bit of work in to check the suitability - after that you need to accept that nothing is perfect e.g. an old house is going to be dark abd possibly draughty.

After that, if there's something that doesn't match the description or something you found unacceptable then leave a balanced review - what you liked and what you didn't like.