Not wanting to take 8wk old to family gathering

[SunshineMummy2]

I'm 8 weeks postpartum and a little worse for wear mentally. Obviously Easter weekend and we've been invited to a family gathering. In the morning I am doing a big Easter hunt so we'll have family time. However I am pretty reluctant for other home adventures with lots of people. Baby had a cold 5 weeks in likely picked up from a sibling but I'm not in a hurry to get her around germs again. It was pretty brutal watching her struggle the first time. However I'm always concerned with the optics. I'm happy for my husband and other kids to go. I'll be fine pottering about at home. I just don't like the idea of lugging baby in a train getting feeds sorted, witching hour and naps at someone's house and potential germs.

I was hoping at this stage of life optics didn't matter but alas.

If your other kids go and there are germs to be caught, they’ll catch them and bring them home to the new baby who will catch them anyway. I would go, pop baby in a sling, keep them close to you and not passed around. X

Just say no.

Assuming it’s your husbands side of the family, he can stage manage it all and you and baby can stay home.

Surely people, especially family, would be understanding of the fact that, 8 weeks post partum, you simply aren't up to it/feeling it/have other priorities? It's true your other children may come home with germs, but that is the same everytime you step out the door. The hassle of a train, naps, feeding, if you don't feel up to it, I'd rather just avoid. I would certainly get it if a friend or family member declined an invitation 8 weeks post partum.

I don't think I'd be bothered bringing baby on a train with all that they need at that stage so if you don't feel up to a trip with that much hassle then don't go, and i also wouldn't give two hoots about optics - if people can't do the maths as to why at 8 weeks pp it doesn't suit then that's very much their issue. However I don't think when you have another child in the house you can really do much in the way of preventing germs from coming into your home. At that stage I also wasn't feeling mentally great so stuck to doing regular trips out that felt within my comfort zone. If you're finding it hard speak to your gp or health visitor.

This is fair with the germs which is a risk every time kids go out. It's definitely more staying on top of it while out. I get stressed even thinking about it, I'm also on night shift so once we get back wind down I'll be up again. It's also looking like it'll rain adding insult to injury. 😅

@Lavender14 you're right about preventing germs with other kids it's pretty much impossible when I look at it objectively. It's just my anxiety which I'm in therapy for. You're also correct about optics I shouldn't be focusing on that.

If you don’t want to go then that is absolutely fine and your choice. Think you are being unreasonable to use germs as an excuse.

@UpUpUpU if you read the initial post there are a few things I have concerns over. But I appreciate your contribution to this conversation. Great help

If you don’t want to go because you want some time to chill without other dc around, do it. But i think it’s a shame to excuse yourself from family gatherings and don’t use germs as the excuse.

Wouldn't care about optics. I was still in my pjs 8 weeks post partum for both mine.
I put myself under some pressure to turn up to things with baby #1, but suited myself completely and made no apologies on #2

If you don’t want to go then fine but this wouldn’t have been an issue for me when mine were little.
I went to DH’s dad’s renewal of vows when my baby was 9 weeks old and my mum (who was honestly my best friend), had died five days before their celebration.
We’re all different though.

If you don’t want to go, then don’t go.

You should not have to feel like making excuses or having a valid enough
Having an 8 week old baby is valid reason enough.

Tell DH to take the kids and have a good time, whilst you have a lazy day at home in front of the TV (as much as you can with an 8 week old).

FWIW I probably would have been able to do this the day I gave birth because I recovered physically incredibly well.

However a few weeks later sleep deprivation and PND set in and I couldn’t leave the house.

There should be no time limit on recovering after birth.
If you don’t feel up to it, then that’s reason enough.