Can reading be bad for kids?

[Lshppll]

Would like to guage other people's views. When we are at home, the only thing that my eight year old does is read (and screens but thats limited to one hour per weekend day). Doesn't do any puzzles, crafting, lego or anything else.

He is an only child and essentially the only way he knows how to entertain himself by himself is to pick up a book. Now I love reading but am a bit worried that he isn't really developing any other skills or interests.

Am also concerned that he's got into a pattern of passive entertainment i.e. screens ( but he barely has access to those) or books. He does so lots of activities out of the house and as I said he is an only child so no peers to play with at home.

What do others think? Should we try and limit his reading? Can it ever be too much of a good thing?

Not at all. I'm one of several, and we were - and still are - all avid readers. Reading is also a bonding activity between siblings, between friends, between generations.

I read constantly as a child, and I don't mean to brag, but I'm great. If your son turns out like me, you'll be very lucky!

Me too, I was an only. I would keep gently trying with non-fiction, building sets etc. Maybe something that dovetails with the books he enjoys? Like a themed Lego set or drawing activity based on the books? My own DC are not big readers and I keep encouraging it. But I can see that compared to me growing up, they are more comfortable with failure and trying again and again, because crafting and building things means the structure might fall, or the drawing doesn't come out as expected etc. Depending on the book, the protagonist goes through a narrative arc and it all ends happily resolved. I was too wary of not doing things well as a child, versus my DC, who have learned that a collapsed tower of cards/toilet rolls, or splodged paint, is all part of the creative and learning process. Just my thoughts, from my own bookworm childhood.

@TropicalRain yourpost really resonated. Aside from fine motor skills, I think that's why he's become so reluctant about doing the other things and what prompted my original post. Ds gets easily frustrated with a picture or a lego set that he can't quite figure out. Instead he picks up a book which is easier. Interestingly we had lots of battles trying to teach him to read so it wasn't all plain sailing. However, once it got easier, he loved it.

@TropicalRain there are many ways of building resilience.

Tennis, football, swimming, all if these will help him learn that failing is ok and if you keep at it, work in your skills, you’ll succeed too.

On the other side, if a child usnt keen on Lego, why forcing them to do so? I very much feel parenting is about working WITH the child, exploring their likes, their skills etc…. Not coming in with a set of expected things a child is supposed to do.

Ds used to like things like lego, a bit of crafting but not much. However, I think as his peers got a lot better, the level e.g. lego more complex, he hasn't been bothered to keep up and now never does any of it.

@Lshppll maybe your ds just doesn’t like drawing.
I don’t . I’m crap at it. No one would think I should make it my hobby despite the fact I don’t enjoy it on the ground that if I keep trying, I’ll get better (and the assumption that if I am better at it, then I will automatically enjoy it). Why would you expect your ds to so?

From a bookworm:

Leave your child alone and stop micromanaging, you should be delighted. Don’t you understand how beneficial reading is and that most parents struggle getting kids reading and off screens these days? One of the strangest parenting angst posts I’ve read

Struggling with imagination may be a little unusual for a child that loves to read. I was a proper bookworm as a child but I also used to act out the stories I had read, both in playing with my toys or in my head with my own life (eg pretending I was at boarding school, and playing this with my dolls). I would also write out little stories.

Do you talk about books with your DC, ask them what they liked / disliked about individual books or read with them? You could suggest that they do a drawing based on a scene in one of their books.

It sounds as if he needs that time to himself though (introvert) and if he has been around others in school and at various clubs, I wouldn’t interrupt that aspect of his life.

Lego was just an example, absolutely sports like tennis etc are also great for developing resilience. I was thinking of at home alternatives for when OP's DS is at home, could be anything that may capture his interest, puzzles, chemistry experiments, slime making, anything.

This.

i still read most days & my kids all like reading too but my youngest daughter (11) never has a book out of her hand and has been like that for years. Has a kindle and a full bookshelf. She also loves art. She does dance and gymnsatics and is more “advanced” than my other 2 in terms of her vocabulary etc at this stage

That was you. He is not you.

Does he play out in your area independently?

Leave him alone man! Poor bugger.

We live in London so he doesn't play out by himself. I do organise playdates vmwvwey so often but he also does after school clubs as we both work.

He’s doing all those physical activities and you’re worried? He’s doing more than most!
The hour a weekend in screens is restrictive too

OP erm what?

Do you do all of these activities you say you want your child doing?

Or do you just have one activity you like doing?

Let the child read

Good heavens no. I'm the eldest of five and have been a bookworm since I was six or seven. Health problems have kept me out of work for a long time, but one of my siblings is also a big reader and she's senior in her profession. We have other family members who read voraciously and they aren't all only children by any means. In fact, as a pp indicated, reading is a way to escape from an environment with too many loud people in it.

Your little boy is getting plenty of time with other people through school and various after-school activities and it's entirely reasonable that he sees home as a place where he can decompress with a book and an occasional game after running around and being sociable. His direction of travel is healthy, unlike that of many of his peers, already steeped up to their little brains on malign social media with who knows what long-term effects.

Tbf if I had to do tennis, football, beavers, swimming and a few other clubs are very week, with a playdate on top, I'd be tired and done too.

Maybe reduce the clubs and have a bit more free, child-led time?

I think reading lots is totally fine - well, I would do. I read 20 books a week as a child and spent pretty much every available waking moment reading. I read during breakfast, lunch and dinner if I was allowed, and at break times.

However, I was also a very determined child and if I decided I was going to learn to do a (practical) thing, I just practiced and practiced until I could do it. So I learnt to pogo stick by practicing until I could do 1000 jumps without falling off.

I didn't enjoy throwing and catching and didn't really do any sports and as an adult I now realise I just needed about 1000 hours more practice - because now I have been doing a sport consistently for a couple of years I'm totally acceptable at it. I'll never be amazing but I don't humiliate myself any more.

So I guess I think there's a certain amount it would be good to encourage for e.g. fine motor skills (it sounds like he has plenty of hobbies so gross motor skills should be okay). Maybe you need to scaffold what he's doing a bit more - e.g. going back to easier Lego sets and working his way up, or doing craft with a purpose - to make cards for people's birthdays or to decorate brown paper to turn it into wrapping paper. Or e.g. I really enjoyed doing some stuff with little light bulbs and wires and batteries and e.g. making a lighthouse to house them in, or similar.

Or for drawing, if he feels he's not very good, get some books on techniques so he can practice - maybe a couple of graphic novels and then some info on how to draw graphic novels or similar.

So create a) support so he's not just trying and failing but rather trying and improving and b) link to a purpose so it has a goal

What would you rather he was doing? Reading has so many benefits, it isn't something to worry about, especially if he has lots of hobbies out of the home.

If you really really are worried and want to bond with him over something non-book related, maybe start a family games night one evening where he can stay up an extra half an hour and play cards/chess/dominoes/board games with you.

Or make Sunday mornings his time to practise an instrument or do some drawing.

At 8yo, you can set the schedule to whatever you want it to be.

Just read that OP is an only child too, so I've edited my reply.

Give him a break please.

Why not offer to play a board game together or he could have a friend over and you could show them a story telling game (like Dungeons and Dragons or something like that). Try and develop his interest rather than taking away his escapism. Please let him have his down time - you've said he does activities outside so let him pick how he wants to relax. Just think of all the wonderful neural pathways he's building!

Oh to hell with "appropriate to his age": I was sneaking into the adult section of the library at age 11. Not to read "naughty" stuff but just to have access to longer, more challenging, more complex books!

Reading will benefit his vocabulary, spelling and imagination. Is he an introvert? Perhaps reading is his way of relaxing, as well as being a window into another world.

I always had my head in a book as a child. I found it very soothing, in a world that was too busy, and even now, I can still recall random facts that I came across in books over the years! It has its bonuses when advising others, or when watching quiz shows. Although I don't get anywhere near as much time to read these days, given my working hours, it's still the perfect way to relax.

Good grief. This is making me feel incredibly sad.

Just leave the kid alone and stop obsessing over trying to ‘improve’ him. He’s a human being, not your project. Why the gibbering fuck would you make him spend his down-time doing activities he simply doesn’t enjoy? He goes to school. When he is there, he has to do activities he wouldn’t have chosen and which thus ‘challenge’ him. When he’s relaxing at home, let him do something TOTALLY HARMLESS that he is good at and loves. It’s reading, ffs. He’s improving his vocabulary, his imagination, his ability to understand human motivations and emotions, his empathy, his ability to use language effectively and persuasively.

Stop projecting your navel-gazing angst about your own childhood on to your son. He isn’t you.

If he hasn’t got one already, get him a library card and let him pick whatever he wants to borrow, every week. Let him pick books that are ‘too hard’ and ‘too easy’ and ‘too grown-up’ and ‘too babyish’ and whatever the hell he likes. Enthuse about his choices, encourage him to talk about them, what he liked and didn’t like and how they made him feel and who his favourite characters are and which book’s world he’d most like to live and what he’d write about himself if he was an author. Let him enjoy what he enjoys and embrace it.