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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I move jobs? Am I being too sensitive?

4 replies

MeliaBello · 19/04/2025 10:56

I’m struggling a bit with new boss in professional job. I’ve got several years experience but this is a new area for me and they know that. I’m a couple months into the role.

It’s a very small team and the head of the team is very reassuring and keeps saying you’re doing great, ask your stupid questions now, you have months to ask them / learn whereas boss is a little more difficult. A few comments like “we’re going to have drill you technically more than I perhaps originally thought” and lots of, I feel, attempts to undermine me or contradict me?! Eg if I suggest an innocuous team building activity (when this is the subject being discussed), I’ll just get a flat out “no”. Or if we’re having a conversation about a social issue (entirely unrelated to work) and I make a point, the response to a point I made will be “well, obviously, yes”.

I went for a coffee with him and another team member a few days ago and I felt I could see him sneering at me / looking at me like I was stupid from the corner of my eye. It’s really knocked my confidence as I don’t trust him or his leadership style, and we’re incredibly different people (which I guess is neither here nor there). I feel like I present as quite a confident person but this has made me feel rubbish and very anxious, and has set me back a little.

can anyone advise?

OP posts:
ohyesido · 19/04/2025 10:59

Are you sure it’s not a lack of confidence that might make you perceive things as a sneer or a put down? What you describe doesn’t suggest that the boss has a problem with you, only that you are inferring things from their demeanour

MeliaBello · 19/04/2025 11:36

That may be the case - there are a few other examples I’ve not included in my post for anonymity but interesting that you don’t find any of these cause for concern. Perhaps I need to work on my confidence. Thanks!

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 19/04/2025 11:52

Bottom line is that you don't trust him. What would it take to change that?

MeliaBello · 19/04/2025 12:10

I don’t know really. I guess a bit more collaboration? I don’t know where I stand with him.

OP posts:
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