Unsure if I have overreacted

[fandjango]

Not sure if I have overreacted.

My husband had been going through random music videos with our four year old. They do this every now and then and watch old music videos. We have a chat and a dance usually.

For some reason when Alison Moyet (80s Alison) came on to the screen my son shouted Mummy it’s you! He wouldn’t hear otherwise.

We all laughed and said yes she looks like Mummy (recent leather jacket and short hair for me)

My Husband then said oh you know who she reminds me of? he then proceeds to get a video of Grotbags up! They both laugh and call me grotbags and I just felt so hurt.

The video of Alison Moyet was a great one. She looked bloody amazing and then it went from that to a green witch.

My husband did apologise and say he didn’t mean it how it sounded but how else can it sound. I also don’t want my four year old son to laugh about appearances either.

I understand a comedy which is funny but comparing that to someone you have said looks like your mum is a bit off. Maybe it’s me

I can see a resemblance between their smiles so I guess yours is similar? They are nice smiles.

It was low level thoughtless but I guess your husband was in toddler mode himself when things like that are hilarious.

He’s apologised so I’d let it go.

There is nothing remotely funny about your H likening you to Grotbags and encouraging your DS to call you names and laugh at you.

Apart from, as you say, teaching him it's acceptable behaviour to mock people for their appearance and call them names, there is a real element of your H teaching him you are not some one he needs to respect.

I'm a believer in jokes masking a person's real feelings and I would be very hurt by the opinion your H has of you. Passing it off as a joke doesn't hide the malice in this.

You are right to.be upset.

I think he was thoughtless rather than malicious. It's good that you let him know it had hurt your feelings...he apologised.
What an idiot.

I think you're over reacting.

I had similar when my son was. child, both he and my husband thought it hilarious. I didn't mind at first but when they were calling me this name in front of other people and it caught on, it ceased to be so funny. They, however, did think it was funny.

I know how you feel but the more cross you appear, the more your 'two little boys' will giggle.

I think you have to accept his apology and move on. He meant that Alison Moyet reminded him of Grotbags and there is something in that from the two photos you posted. But it doesn’t mean that you remind him of Grotbags or that he meant anything negative by it. People misspeak all the time and we need to let each other make mistakes.

Personally, I think you're taking it a bit too seriously OP, as there is a similarity in the pictures, and if Alf dressed up like Grotbags, she'd look the same. If you had laughed with them, then you would have taught your child that it's OK to laugh at yourself sometimes, as long as the name calling isn't cruel, so you need to teach him/her to watch for signs that the person who you're making fun of, is happy about it too, and if they look sad, then the name calling should stop immediately, and you should say you're sorry.

I know how you feel but the more cross you appear, the more your 'two little boys' will giggle.

But OP doesn't have two little boys, @LBFseBrom. You really think she should accept 'little boy' behaviour from her husband? Honestly, raise your own bar, rather than encouraging another woman to lower hers.

there is a real element of your H teaching him you are not some one he needs to respect.

@Seagreensmokeyblue has it spot on.