DH and I have been very happily married for five years, together for eight. He’s 36 and I’m 40. We have one DC, who is two years old.
I have never been particularly fussed about having kids. It wasn’t something I really considered at all until I met DH, who had always wanted them (lots, if possible) but was willing not to have any if I didn’t want them. I honestly didn’t feel particularly strongly about it, so we had DD - and she’s truly fantastic. An absolute joy.
However, I found the first year quite hard. My life has changed, my body has changed, I had anxiety for the first six months, struggled with breastfeeding and DD has never been a good sleeper, so haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in two years. DH more than pulls his weight in all areas, but it hasn’t been easy.
Now, to my question. The plan was always to have two kids (if we were to have any at all). There’s obviously nothing wrong with being an only child, but it feels important for DC to have a ‘life buddy’.
But, I feel like I’m finally emerging from the fog of babyhood to delightful toddlerhood. I enjoy DC, have time for myself (she goes to nursery a few days a week), I can read and work out and see friends. I can spend time with my husband. I can go back to work (I haven’t, yet). The idea of reliving the first year of babyhood really doesn’t appeal.
But (so many buts!) will we regret it if we don’t have another? Is it fair to DC? Is it fair to DH? Am I being massively selfish? I’m 40, so it’s not like I have oodles of time to change my mind.
If you’ve made it to the end of my opus, thank you. I want to emphasise that, I know nobody can tell me what to do. I’m interested in hearing your thoughts on the above and what you would do (or have done) in the same situation.
YABU: I’d have another baby
YANBU: I wouldn’t have another baby
Also, we are extremely financially comfortable, our home has room for multiple kids, and so on. None of those things are factors.