MAFS - emotional vs physical red flags

[TheFunHare]

I'm watching Mafs Australia and I'm a bit behind (episode 20 I think). It's the one where Paul just punched a wall and they are taking it very seriously (as they should). But AIBU to see Adrian's behaviour to Awhina as more worrying? Trying to control the narrative, gaslighting and very emotionally cold. The experts don't seem to red flag it in the same way. I've lived with men with tempers who have very occasionally taken things out on an inanimate object - childish but that film set must be such a pressure cooker and I wouldn't automatically think it's a precursor to DV. Can't work out if my experience is affecting things or if they should be much more intolerant of emotional abuse.

Spoiler alert- the experts do address it with Adrian.

He's so clearly not in it for the right reasons. Vile.

Adrian and Awfina both desperate to stay at verity's points. Probably both need a media career

MAFS used to be really good, as did Love is Blind... But it does seem like it's gone the way of Love Island with people going on purely for fame.

MAFS experts also seem to be making incredibly strange decisions and not even choosing decent humans. They are clearly picking for drama.

It's quite sad really as the show is fascinating when you feel it is genuine.

The examples of toxic, vile behaviour from these young men is apalling (yes, the women aren't perfect) but these men are at times being outright abusive and they think it's justified.

Australia has a huge issue with domestic violence and I do think the misogyny is reflected in this show. I lived there for 4 years and have never faced men like I did there, anywhere else in the world.

I got the impression that Adrian and Awhina just had stellar sexual chemistry, and that was what kept her overlooking all his dickish behaviour. The amount of times Adrian would say something which most women would think unforgiveable, and he would do his lopsided grimace at Awhina and she would melt into a puddle and giggle "Don't do that smile at me!" and all would be forgotten. Embarrassing.

It has been discussed on the TV page MAFS aus.

I had a huge problem with Paul punching the wall. He is vile. The fact that she has to tell everyone I not scared of him, is not a good sign. No friend, sister, mother or daughter would encourage a woman to pursue a relationship like that. I think he should have been thrown off the show.

Ross and Sacha on British MAFS were even worse. He was a giant body builder and she was tiny. She said he had a temper and had thrown plates of food at the wall in anger and scared her. The judges never properly addressed it aside from a weak and smiley 'watch your temper Ross'. He was another one who should have been thrown off.

It's not uncommon for therapists not to be trained in domestic abuse. Punching a wall is often an indicator of abuse and he's either trying to intimidate or can't control his temper.

I haven't watched MAFS for a long time but there were some very dodgy men whose behaviour was not addressed in the early years.

Later they were a bit more clued up. I remember some poor woman had this awful abusive partner and after the show went on to have children with him. It should have been nipped in the bud but I guess it made good television.

Another man was very disordered and made fun of his partner's lips and breasts then mimicked her voice and nothing was done about that. He turned himself into a victim and said the show gave him PTSD.

Good to know it's not just me that finds it all a bit disturbing. I wish I'd switched off when they asked participants to rank in order of attractiveness. Isn't that a game 12 years olds play that is incredibly hurtful. I think @FeministUnderTheCatriarchy you are right that it reflects a very misogynistic culture. Need to stop watching really- it's a bit depressing.